Thursday, August 23, 2012

I have to tell you that life sure does throw you curve balls that hit you right in the guts!!!  My first reaction with the gut buster is to crawl up into the fetal position and suck my thumb.  (Yes, I have done this a couple of times during my adult life).
This last gut buster was exhausting and I could feel that "despair" come on and I just fell to my knees and said God PLEASE SPEAK TO ME.  You know my personality, you know why Satan is doing this, so please, I'm asking for your wisdom.  What should I do?
I crawled into bed with tears streaming down my face.  I turned the old Iphone to the Lds scriptures.  I said to Ron, what I said in my prayers and he showed me a scripture.  Oddly enough I was on the same verse in my reading.  I read the chapter 4 times but couldn't quite get what the Lord would be telling me.  It was about Mosiah telling the people they really didn't want a KING and the disadvantages of that tradition.
I didn't settle for that.  I said OKAY GOD, I'll get my paper scriptures out.  I have a military Book Of Mormon that is on the bed stand.  I took the gum wrapper out of it,  Pressed it together tightly to keep that particular page from opening, KWIM?  and Said.....Please talk to me God.  
The scripture opened to Alma Chapter 17.  Be of Good Comfort.  
I slept very soundly that night (after I finally fell asleep) and for that I'm grateful.  Have I told you lately that God is Good?  Well, He is.  God Speaks, Do You Listen?  If you feel like God doesn't hear you?  then you are not listening.  He answers our prayers in several ways 1.  Scripture reading.  2.  In your heart  3.  Audible in your ear as if he were standing right there.  4.  Pictures in your mind  5.  By a true friend  6.  an impression to read an article, and so on.  Be aware of those things that God shares with you, and he will continue to share with you.  If you ignore him, he will not bless you with his time.  Parents know what I'm talking about.  
Have a blessed Friday!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Shay's got a new do


I have really missed blogging, or journaling.  I may just have to play catch up.  I read over my last post in march and well, quite frankly it was the calm before the storm, so to speak. 
A lot has happened since that last post. 
I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  Lets see.......what has happened in the past 5 months.

 Adrienne, Chris and Q-man came to visit.  The stay wasn't as long as I wanted it to be, but beggars can't be choosy.
Shai graduated High School.   Fun time at our house.  She had friends and family and ice cream and cookies.  Who wouldn't enjoy that combo?
Justice and Karrea got out of school, and the fun, and fighting began!!
I quit my job at the hospital.  The greatest news in MY personal life.  Toughest decision to make though.  Money talks.  I haven't regretted it YET.
Started working For Ron with Heaven's Best carpet cleaning and subbing a lot for weight watchers.  Doing  some extra training on the computers in Grand Island and Hastings.
Got my temple recommend taken away.  That took some soul searching.
What else has happened since March?
My brother Roger got remarried, again.  He seems happy this time.
His daughter Miranda moved in with him.  They seem happy.  Its a foreign place, I hope she gives God a chance.
Russell, Shel and Lucas are living in Nebraska.
Lyle is back in Nebraska.
Its amazing what five months can do for someone. 
I have been enjoying my calling in the young women's.  Amazing young ladies who teach me a lot of different things and I get to share some deep experiences with them, and I hope the feel the spirit as I love and teach them.
This Friday Shai moves into her college dorm, and she has her first big concert at Harmon park.  I'm so excited for her.  I'll be sure and sit in the back row because usually when she sings I cry and if she sees me crying she starts to choke up.  So I'll just sob in the pine trees, or over by the water fountain!  that is a special place.  when i was little I used to since and dance on that stage!  GO SHAI!!!  If i had the money I would support you 100 percent.
Justice has a car now.  Ron bought him a 1994 Pontiac Firebird.  Its teal and they are bonding!  I'm happy for him. He has learned its hard work, and it takes cold hard cash to get something up to par.
Karrea is getting ready for school, and I'm excited for the new year.  I hope she has a great time.
Justice will be a freshman which means he will be attending seminary.  I hope he learns what the Lord has in store for him.
We have attending youth conference, and we have enjoyed the hot weather and now the cool weather of Nebraska.  God has truly been good to us.
WE have had our struggles, but prayers have been answered, and I got my temple recommend back and I believe I'm on the road to healing.
It feels good to write.  Hopefully I won't stay away too long next time.
Happy August!!!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Thursday at 5:49 I grabbed a folding chair and headed to the front of the Weight Watcher meeting.  I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest.  My heart was racing, it was starting to hurt to breath.  I turned around to the members, took a really deep breath and then sat there in front of them.  Looking at them. 

'I QUIT.  I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.  IT IS JUST TOO HARD FOR ME TO DO EVERYTHING THAT EVERYONE ASKS ME TO DO.  I HAVE GAINED WAIT, AND I AM JUST FRUSTRATED SO I'M QUITTING.' 

"How much have you gained?" asked one member. 
'About a pound and a half over weight'. 
"Well, we can all come up there and beat the crap out of you, that would help you get to goal!" was her response."  LOL!!!
'I can't believe how my heart is racing.  Its really hard for me to tell you this.'
Some members had tears in their eyes.  "You can't leave us!"  "Are you joking?"  "This isn't funny!"

I looked at them with all the seriousness I had left and said.............DON'T WE ALL GET THIS WAY!  Don't we all just want to give up and Quit!
We have to NIX THE NEGATIVE!
One of the members said I was so good I need to get the Best Actress Award.  They truly believed I was walking out! 
I feel like doing this to a lot of things in my life.  Wait, Truth be told I have wanted to quit everything I have ever done. 
I QUIT BEING A MOM.  MY KIDS HATE ME ANYWAYS!
I QUIT WORKING AT THE HOSPITAL...I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING NOBODY TRAINED ME AND HEAVEN FOR BIDS I GET A COUPLE PHONE CALLS (from the principal for the 6 year old....AGAIN)
I QUIT GOING TO CHURCH. SO AND SO IS BARKING AT ME AGAIN!  (PMS TIME FOR HER)
I QUIT BEING A WIFE, HE DOESN'T SEE TO MY NEEDS WHY SH OULD I GIVE HIM HIS NEEDS
I QUIT BEING A FRIEND, I'M TIRED OF PUTTING 100% AND ONLY RECEIVING 25% BACK
I QUIT DIETIING, I WANT TO EAT SUGAR AND NOT FEEL GUILTY
I QUIT BEING A DAUGHTER BECAUSE DAD IS NICER TO THE DAUGHTER IN LAWS
I QUIT BEING A DAUGHTER IN LAW BECAUSE THEY COULD CARE LESS IF I EXISTED OR NOT.  THEY DON'T EVEN BOTHER WITH BIRTHDAY CARDS FOR THE KIDS, SO WHY SHOULD I CARE
I QUIT BEING A DAUGHTER OF GOD BECAUSE ITS JUST TOO HARD TO BE GOOD!
I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT BEING A SISTER BECAUSE THEY DON'T LISTEN ANYWAY AND ARE JUST HURTING THEMSELVES, I'M TIRED OF SITTING BACK AND WATCHING THEM DESTROY THEIR ETERNAL SELVES........WHY WOULD I PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO A RELATIONSHIP IF WE WON'T BE TOGETHER IN HEAVEN?

Why, I'm a quitter.
notice one thing I didn't quit.  I didn't quit being a grandma!  Big Sigh!  I love you Q

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Weight Watcher Leader Training

      September 16, 2011 will be an adventure ride for me.  I will be flying out of the Lincoln airport and venturing to Chicago.  I will have 3 days to learn what I need to learn to be able to stand in front of a crowd and educate them on the Weight Watcher Program. 
      I am a bit nervous.  I have wanted to do this for 9 years.  A few months after I got on the weight watcher program I had the overwhelming urge to be BLANCHE.  Blanche was the leader at the time.  I knew she was nearing retirement.  I thought she was spunky and full of life and energy.  I know that bugged some people, but I always loved how I felt around Blanche.  She is a great example to me.  After Ron lost his Coleman job and he bought his own Hastings Business I started going to the Hastings meetings.  There I met Deb.  She was spunky, full of energy too.  Life got a little busy and I quit going to the meetings.  I gained 20 pounds, or more.  I went back to the tuesday meeting but Blanche was retired and there were a couple of new ladies.  Pam and Mary.  Tuesday night wasn't cutting it for me and my friend Cindy.  Cindy suggested we start going to Mary's meeting.  What a breath of fresh air. 
     I came back but struggled to find my weight loss journey successful.  That was August of 2010.  After seeing Adrienne's wedding pictures I decided it was time to do something for myself again.  I was at a stand still.  Mary was great but my head wasn't doing very good.  November rolled around and a new program came out with weight watchers.  It took me about 2 months to get my head and heart wrapped around the new program.  YES, You can teach an old dog new tricks.  It just may take a little longer. 
     January the St. James Center closed and the meetings went to Just for Ladies.  That was really frustrating.  No parking, no place to sit, the ladies were wonderful but I was paying for a monthly pass but wasn't able to enjoy the meetings.  Frustration was setting in again.  Word got out that Just for Ladies meetings were moving to the Faith United Methodist Church.  I was really excited.  I was also approached by several of the ladies that worked at weight watchers to see if I was ready to Work for Weight watchers as a receptionist.  The guidelines for that was to be 170 pounds.  I was just barely getting to Dr. Goal and struggle to stay there with out gains every other week.  My Dr. Goal is 176.  I told them I would work on it.
     I worked and worked.  The only thing that worked was the prayers I said to the Lord.  I told him my desires.  I let him know the guidelines I needed to live by.  By the Grace of God I made it to 170.  I called Jennifer, the area manager.  She interviewed me and found that I would be a great assest to the team.  I told her that I would love to be a leader someday.  She told me I had 6 months to get down to the Leader guideline for my heighth.  160.  REALLY?  I haven't seen 160 since I was a sophmore in High school.  I continued to fast and pray for the strength to get over my weakness.  On a daily basis I could feel the love and support of angels.  The beginning of July I was able to call Jennifer and tell her I made it to Leader Goal.  I was two months ahead of the 6months that she gave me.  I am proud to say that I weigh 158.  That is a lot compared to some of the other ladies that surround me.  I am grateful.  I am healthier today than I have been in years. 
     I started my weight watcher journey April of 2002.  Through Prayer I received the answer that I desired.  HOW DO I EAT?  Go to weight watchers.  I called up Debbie and we found the meeting room and we ventured out of our comfort zone.  I lost 68 pounds.  My start up weight was 243 pounds.  In 2005 I got pregnant with Karrea.  January of 2006 I got back into weight watchers and lost 50 pounds.  I got to that Dr. Goal weight of 176.  2007 is when I received that goal weight.  Ron sustained some back injuries and I had to help him.  A voice clearly said to me, this is why you are as big as you are.  So you can take care of Ron.  I was finally FREE.  I paid for about 5 years (remember, you can't go if you are pregnant :D).  What a relief.  I submitted my story into the SUCCESS contest and won 4 place in the nation, or our region.  I am not sure.  I got a few gift certificates, some food, a plant, and recognition.  It was a real exciting time for me. 
     2008 rolled around and the stress of working with Ron doing carpet cleaning and not having an eating schedule I slowly gained 20 pounds.  So from May to September I could feel the difference.  I found myself a couple of meetings to attend.  By January of 2009 I lost the 20 pounds.  I kept it off for a few months and then the life happened again.  From April to November 20 pounds creeped back on.  I was too busy to go to meetings.  By June of 2010 I was losing control of my eating.  By the time I went back to weight watcher August of 2010 I was up to 198 pounds.  I was so frustrated with myself.  HOW COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF.  I KNOW BETTER!  RIGHT??  UGH. 
     Here I am.  Trying to be successful once again.  I hit my free lifetime status in March, and started being a receptionist for weight watchers.  I miss going to meetings but I love seeing the people and hopefully inspiring them in some shape or form.  I am not perfect.  If you see me in the grocery store I may have some "bad" chips or cookies in there.  "If you bite it you write it" and nothing is off limits.  "if you work the program, the program works for you!"
     I cannot express the gratitude I have in my heart and soul.  1) for God giving me strength 2) my family being patient with me and fending for themselves when I can't fix another meal 3) the ladies at the Kearney weight watcher meetings that give me advice and strength and teach me the things I need to be successful 4) I am grateful the products that I get to buy to keep me on track.  5) I really appreciate the people that attend the meetings that help lift me up.  I wouldn't be able to continue this journey if it wasn't for all the above. I  know I'm missing others. 
    Thank you.
    

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Life Begins with G

G Is for Grandma.  I can't even express how AWESOME it is to be a grandma.  I was blessed to be invited to Chris and Adrienne's house for the birth of their first born son.  Quinten Alan Pinchak.  I think I was in heaven (except I hope I don't gain 10 pounds in heaven in 3 weeks, UGH, lol)  It smelled like heaven, it felt like heaven, it seemed like heaven, I ate like I was in heaven.  If that is what Heaven is Like I want to be there FOREVER.
I know I won't see Quinten for a long time, so I cherished every second I had with him (he only got fussy on me once, but I still kissed his forehead :D)
I loved him on my chest for hours at a time.  He had Angel Lip gloss kisses on his head.  I just couldn't help it.  I hope no one caught me smelling his little hair.  (its so long in the back I think he will be the one to bring the Mullet back into style).
I enjoyed Him.  I hope he knows that I love him.  The only time I got teary eyed was when the "taxi" came and I had to say goodbye.   I gave Adrienne a hug and told her I loved her then I held Quentin in  my arms again, pulled him away, kissed his soft and squishy cheek and said GRANDMA LOVES YOU......I felt the emotion come, and I handed him to Adrienne quickly.  (its okay for me to cry now, I don't have mascara on, but then it was early in the morning, no time to reapply, :D)
I sit here trying to be busy so I don't miss them all.
It was really hard seeing Adrienne in pain after her C-section.  I wanted to take the pain away.  It was hard as she struggled to feed her little guy and tears would stream down her face.  I just wanted her to know that I understand and that we all learn and grow through these experiences.  She is stronger person now.
I loved seeing Chris hold his little man and try to change his diaper as fast as he could (15 min) so Poop wouldn't get on little guys socks, haha!
I truly enjoyed all the time I spent there.  No complaints, not one second of regret.  I was grateful for the sacrifice Chris and Adrienne gave so I could go to the sacred grove and Speak to God.  What a truly wonderful blessing that is.  Its a Grove of trees.  Pennsylvania is Full of Groves, so why is Palmyra, New York Different?  Because its Holy Ground.  God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ STOOD and TAUGHT truths in that grove of trees.  AWESOMENESS was all around.  I will try and share what I learned there. 
I got my wishes.  I had three.  I wished Adrienne and I could work things out! 
I wanted to love on my grand son.
I wanted to see the Sacred Grove and the Hill Cumorah.
I'm so grateful for Magic Wands that really do work!
I feel very blessed.
I met some wonderful people in their ward.
I started a new business because of the bishops wife.
My.michebag.com/shanon_matson is what Lisa set me up with. 
I hope and pray God grants me many more Riches.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Finally......living my best self?

     I believe it was January when I found out that I was close to being able to work for Weight Watchers.  That has been my goal from the first few weeks I started attending Weight Watcher meetings.  I have always felt the pull to stand up and help people.  I'm not always the perfect example but it's the Fight that keeps me going, and I find that in other people.  Encouragement is KEY in most situations.   I love the Weight Watchers gives you the knowledge and the tools to be successful.  If you are not finding success, Its YOU, and nobody else.  As of Friday, March 11, 2011 I was hired to work for Weight Watchers.  I will be a receptionist first and then they really want me to be a leader.   I can't wait for that challenge.
     As much as I want my family to EAT like I do, and FEEL like I do, I can't force it.  I provide the tools and the environment but they still have to choose.  They used to ask me HOW MANY POINTS IS THAT?  It was all fun and games.  Now I may say....DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY POINTS THAT IS?  ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CHOOSE TO EAT THAT?  They govern themselves.
     I know how hard it is.  Before Weight Watchers my success story consisted of Pills.  Yes, I was very successful on FEN/PHEN.  Now I may have heart problems.  (One DR says I do, One Agency says I don't, you know what I mean!)  I was also taking Phentermine.  Very successful.  I loved it because I didn't even THINK about eating.  Essentially Starving!  HEY!  worked!  Gained all my weight back and then some once I stopped taking the pills and at the time My feelings were hurt by a "friend" and I took my sadness with me to Runza double cheese burgers and Onion rings.  Don't get me wrong, I still eat at Runza, but its a Grilled Chicken Sand. and maybe some onion rings as a treat ONCE in awhile.
     Through my weight loss struggle I cried.  What really put me over the top, seeing I had a problem was a video of myself.  Triple Chin, Big bongo butt, and my gut had folds in it.  Did I feel this way?  NO!  I felt like Shanon.  I felt like ME.  When I looked at the video that was NOT ME......Who was that in my voice, and my eyes?  Sadness overwhelmed me!
     That night I prayed to my Heavenly Father for the right path for me.  The next day while watching the "forbidden" soap opera's I saw two or three commercials for Weight Watchers.  It felt RIGHT for me.  I called the 800 number and got some meeting information, called up my best friend at the time and asked her if she wanted to go.  We Went together.  I am so grateful.  We both struggled off and on.  We were both successful when we LIVED the LIFESTYLE.  What a great blessing this program has been for ME.
     Now I feel like I can bless the lives of other people.  Maybe sharing a spirit of accomplishment, share ups and downs.  Encourage people to be their best selves.  That doesn't mean Skinny.  That means healthy.  Being Wise in all that we do and say.  I'm ready to live what I believe, and share that knowledge.  Its like sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I can live by example.  If people want what I have and have been blessed with, I will share that opportunity.
     I have to pray every night for the strength from my Heavenly Father to go through the day in my weakness.  Through Him I have found strength.  My biggest Light Bulb Moment was at Time Out for Women.  Wendy Ulrich said that over eating IS NOT A SIN, it is a weakness.  Now in the RS lesson, it is against what Heavenly Father needs our temples to do.  God knows this is a weakness, and therefore, he will be our strength, and he will provide ways to strengthen us.  I'm grateful to him and to all those people who help me at Weight Watchers Tues and Thurs meetings.  Can't wait to meet more people and make them a part of my journey.