Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Ugly Head

Just when I think I am OVER what People think of ME, self doubt looms its ugly head again.
My friend told me the other day that I used to intimidate her.  I come to church looking so nice, and I carry myself so upright that I truly frightened her.  I assured her that if you talk to me more than 5 minutes I'm the biggest L word.  If you look under my bangs you will see what I mean.
I have reflected that "message" over and over in my head for the past few days.  I feel I have been told that so many times that I feel like I'm leaning towards the DORKY side a little too much,  Like I'm trying TOO hard to fit in.  I turned 40 3 years ago.  I liked who I was finally.  That seems to be the time that I have heard this statement OVER AND OVER AGAIN......"Shanon, you intimidate people", or "wow, you are not what I thought you were", or "You  are different at home then you are at church"  That one, I had an answer for, I'm supposed to be reverent and conservative at church, its the Lords house. 
I just have to think that Satan is using this tool to distract me.  I have found that I have wanted to retract my whole body from the WORLD, even church things.  FOR FEAR I MAY INTIMIDATE.  haha!  This is where I take a deep breath and try to live the best that I can. 
I am TOO honest
I am POISED in most situations
I am Opinionated
I am Listening
I am ME
I am Who I believe Heavenly Father NEEDS me to be
I am A good MOM
I am a Good WIFE
I am a good Daycare Provider
I am a good House keeper
I am a good Worker
I am a good Sister
I am a Good Daughter
I am Who I am!
I Am the BEST that I can Be TODAY
i am who I am because GOD LOVES ME
I will be OKAY whether YOU like me or NOT.......I do what I do because its ALL I know, and I try to hear what God needs from me.

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