Thursday, August 19, 2010

Utah lesson

She loves her mamma's lemonade
Hates the sound that goodbyes make
She prays one day she finds someone to Need her
She swears that there's no difference between the lies
and compliments
Its all the same, if everybody leaves her
Every magazine tells shes not good enough
The Pictures that she sees make her cry

She would change everything
Everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of Beautiful Disaster
She just needs some One to take her home

She's giving boys what they want
tries to act so nonchalant
afraid they'll see she lost her direction
she never stays the same for long
Assume that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen
She doesn't want to feel this way
Only seventeen n tired

She's just wishing, no one's told her that's okay

She would change everything
Everything, Just ask her
Caught in the in between of
Beautiful Disaster

She would Change everything for
Happy Ever After
Caught in the in between of
Beautiful Disaster
She just needs some ONE to take her home!


On my way home on the train from Blanding Utah this song came on my ipod. Tears flowed heavily from my eyes. I lived this song. I breathed this song. I remember feeling this song.

Blanding reminded me of that song. 17, barely pregnant (out of wedlock). I was sent to my step mom's half sister. There I felt a lot of things. Lonely. Sad. Frustrated. Repentance. Forgiveness. Happiness. Joy. Depression. Poverty. Confusion.

I placed the baby up for adoption. I was no longer the "pregnant" girl. It was hard for me to adjust to life in Blanding being labeled the Pregnant girl.

I thought that when I went back there this past week, that is what I would be too, but I wasn't. I was the Rock, the Example. The immovable. The Worker. The Kidder. I was Witty, Fun, Fast. The Tie Bow maker.

Floods of emotions come over me after I listened to the song, I didn't just hear it, I listened. (Jon McLaughlin sings.....Beautiful Disaster)

God Gave me my Happily Ever After!

I am so grateful! Thank you God, for knowing me. Listening to me. Loving me. Forgiving me. Talking to me. Guiding me.

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