Wednesday, March 24, 2010

This thing called AGENCY

My home is filled with people all the time. Never a dull moment. I like it MOST days. There are so many personalities to tend with , I can barely stand my own.

I have felt expectations are high. I expect a lot out of myself and therefore expect a lot out of the people who reside in my home. Is it a crime to EXPECT something? NO. The Lord Expects many things of us. Straight and narrow path, keep the commandments, live with JOY, and endure to the end.

(What does the word Endure mean? Put up with something or someone that is unpleasant. That is what my dictionary says. What else does it say? Face or endure with courage. Continue to live, endure, last. Be subjected to. Last, be usable. Cease to exist after resistance or struggle. All very thought provoking!)

I feel like I am enduring agency right now. I see the agency that others in my life are using/ not using. It is very hard for a mom to find JOY.

Ron, as you know owns his own carpet cleaning business. Life in the winter is sparse. Yet, I know others who do very well in the carpet cleaning business. Businesses need to keep their carpets clean, regardless of dirt, mud, or snow. Yet, Ron didn't go Job hunting! What does that do to finances? You are correct, it depletes them. He is trying really hard not to whine about it, because all I say is I told you so. in a loving manner! (not) He suggested I go out and find the jobs. UM, I'm not the Owner. Its easy for me to do that...this is HIS lesson to learn.

I have a daughter who is engaged, but for some reason isn't working towards the wedding date. Job wise. Now, even though Ron financially can't afford her help, he is willing to pay for her services, I guess she is just not willing to work it. That puts strain on my nerves, because Ron needs the help. Very frustrating. She needs the money. They both know I'm not going to pay for it. I could, but I'm not. I learned at a very young age with Adrienne you don't hand her anything, you make her work for it, in turn she takes care of it, takes pride in it.

I needed a lot of help last week for being new at the Little baby scene. I asked one of my teenagers to help me until I was got back home. I found the little guy fussing in the piano room while the teenager was on the computer with her friends. Needless to say, the computer is in my office. I expected more help out of everyone last week. Ron was sick in bed ALL week. I did his carpet cleaning jobs, and Adrienne took care of the kids for the most part.

The hard part is not only do I have to live the consequences of ME not using my agency appropriately, (for example eating right) I have to live my life around others consequences of them not using their agency appropriately. The levels of frustration in my mind are BLOWING me away. Which in turn makes my face break out, and my butt get bigger because my only release from pressure is eating! That is my vice. If I had the money, I could easily see shopping as an OUTage. I tried smoking, that didn't work. Dang! at 5.00 a pack, I'd rather shop Cato's, LOL

Oh, to know the Will of God in all of this. I do know. Thy will be done. I give my total Faith that if I live my life Right, God will make it Right. In the mean time. .....don't sweat the small stuff (like finances, wedding date, and teenage, preteen and 4 year old attitudes) Easy peasy!


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