The Sun is shining in many ways today. I actually got a good nights rest. What does that mean? It means I was not interupted, I didn't have stupid bizaare, cougar dreams, and I woke up in a good mood, for the most part. I was awake 10 minutes before I was "supposed" to wake up too. That to me is a great start.
Instead of sitting in the mothers lounge at church waiting and listening to the seminary students I went to the gym and walked. I read Emily Watts new book, When exercise is the answer (or something like that). What a great insightful, LIGHT book to read for 45 minutes as I got dizzy walking around and around the 3/4 gym.
I took Shai to school since its cold, she doesn't have a coat and Jerom parks 3 miles from the door. Got home, showered, got paid from Ron. (I started charging him 10.00 an hour for the hours that I work. Makes my account not in the red so much, and makes him LOVE me. haha)
It feels like a better day. I hope its a better day. I sure felt the prayers of friends and loved ones as I struggled to come to grips with Cancer and Mortality. I think what scares me (not really) is that about 12 years ago I was thinking I was in the clear with breast cancer. NO family history of cancer. Ring Ring. Just thought I would tell you your grandma is undergoing radiation for breast cancer. She should be fine. RING RING! This time my "Ma" was calling. I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Her first surgery the left breast was totally removed and scraped to the bone. Next surgery, went into the lymph nodes. Next she needed a blood platelet transplant, than a hip replaced, the last news I got whilie I was at a LDS Family Services Seminar in St. Louis is its gone into her liver. I remember hugging her for a very long time! My Step dad Jerry said to me, I think this will be the last time you see her!
3 weeks later, my step dad calls......Shanon, She's gone! My ma, whom I was just getting to love and know is gone!
The real trial some days is living. I turned forty in 2008. I signed up for Women Matter so I could get a mamogram. I finally got brave and set a date and time. The day of the test came and in the shower I froze. I couldn't do it! The thought of "finding" something stopped me from going to the appointment. I'm not scared of the testing. I'm scared of the NEWS. See, I don't have health care. We lost it when Ron lost his Coleman Powermate job. If I have Cancer, I'll never be insurable. So I sit here and wait until I can find healthcare. Until Ron will pay for health care.
I'm not in the clear like I was 12 years ago. 10 years ago my MA lost her battle with the terrible disease, and the legacy may live on with me or my children. With NO health care.