Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Thru struggles I find Strength....I think

"We need strong Christians who can persevere against hardship, who can sustain hope through tragedy, who can lift others by their example and their compassion, and who can consistently overcome temptations. We need strong Christians who can make important things happen by their faith and who can defend the truth of Jesus Christ against moral relativism and militant atheism.What is the source of such moral and spiritual power, and how do we obtain it? The source is God. Our access to that power is through our covenants with Him."

--D. Todd Christofferson, "The Power of Covenants",
Ensign, May 2009, 19–23

D&C 97:8-9

Keep the Commandments, Hymn #303

This past weekend was pretty rough for me. I usually have to have it rough in order for me to learn a lesson or two. I'm not quite sure what lesson I (I mean I) have to learn in this.

This weekend I was told I was TOO NICE.

What does that mean?

Sunday morning the Lord said...Prepare to have the missionaries over for lunch. I was in the shower thinking of things I could "whip up". Got to church and was approached by the missionaries...Sister Matson, we don't have a lunch appt. can we come over? Sure, good thing the Lord talks to me. (I got this look of...YOU ARE STRANGE SISTER MATSON)

Got home, fixed up some enchilada bake, got the chips and salsa out and left over burritos we had from Friday night from having them over. (there were 4 missionaries, 5 daycare kids, 2 investigators, and our family of 6).

I signed up for them for Memorial Day. Had it all planned out. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad, strawberry fluff, root beer floats, buns, chips, pop, ice cream, etc. While at Walmart in the morning I asked Elder Kavapolu what his favorite dessert was and he said cheesecake. I picked up a variety pack in the bakery. I picked up some cereal for the guys too. I over heard them talking about what kind they liked. (one of the missionaries is saving the points to get a flash drive)

Saturday I also picked up a guitar at Target. Elder Shulz is a country singer and I had to have him play for us. I also picked up a volleyball/badminton set so we would have something to do in our yard besides play tiddlywinks!

When I bought the guitar Ron asked me why I did that. I said I bought it for Elder Shulz. He hit the roof. HOW DARE YOU SPEND THAT KIND OF MONEY ON A MISSIONARY!!??

I said, calm down, I was just kidding. I bought it for all of us!

Elder Shulz did entertain us for a little bit. (be still my heart! haha)

While Adrienne was tuning it saturday night she wrote a song. She asked Shai to come up with some lyrics and Voila...they have their first HIT. They practiced it and performed it in front of everyone Monday.

I got home from the store on monday and that is when the subject of me being TOO NICE came up. "it doesn't look right! you are too nice to the missionaries."

I was crushed. I sat in the bathroom and cried. I thought to myself...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN)

30 seconds went by as I sat on the floor sobbing in my bath towel so noone could hear me. All of sudden I heard the ring tone. Elder Pincaks and Myricks ring tone is chipmunks passing gas, coughing and laughing) It brought a smile to my face. I really needed that! (I didn't know if I should answer it, what would I say?)

I answered. He asked if I was okay. 'NOPE' . "Is there anything we can do"..'NOPE'..."do you want us to come over now?" 'NOPE... I need to talk to Heavenly Father and see what he needs me to do.' I haven't really talked with Heavenly Father about it. I'm really quite shocked still. A thought did come to my mind. "YOU should be flattered that Ron would be so jealous of 4 BOYS!"

[Ron was so sick on Thursday that he couldn't do the jobs in Hastings. I volunteered to do them for him. I do things for him without payment... Or expectation. Its not like I don't do things for HIM specifically, so why he would be jealous...I don't know. ]

It has bothered me. He has apologized, but I'm still terribly bothered by it. I don't even want him to look at me, I'm so annoyed.

Don't we sit in the house of the Lord and make promises to do all that we can to build up His kingdom? Doesn't that mean feeding his sheep (literally even).

I still tear up at the thought that I would be condemned for being TOO NICE!

I sit here and struggle with.......What does that mean?


GRAMEE said...

oh my friend..
i wish this post hadn't made me cry..

i just feel Ron is so not deserving of you

i don't know how anyone could say your too nice. how can that be? especially for kids who are so far from home solely with the purpose of spreading the gospel.
i love you. we all do.. your friends who are your sisters.

shayster said...

thank you LJ. Now I have to reapply mascara! this is the 3rd time today!

I am really searching for some strength, and what to do, how to feel.

any advice?

Anonymous said...

question, if the roles were reversed, and your husband was the one being "too nice" and it was sister missionaries with out consulting with you, would you be as calm as a summers breeze?