We Are Not Human Beings Having a Spiritual Experience.
We are Spiritual Beings Having a Human Experience.
I have a quote somewhat like this on my piano. I tend to forget this in my everyday life. Only in times of "need" do I remember this.
Lately I haven't wanted to be here.
I said this to my friend Rhonda in the middle of Wal-mart a little while ago. The thought of it made tears come to my eyes. I don't know why I said it.
I found myself saying it again last night to Ron in the middle of eating my favorite sandwich at Subway. I got all teary eyed again.
What is up with me?
I couldn't talk to Ron so I wrote it out on a napkin.
Conversation went something like this.
'I don't want to be here?'
(he was thinking I didn't want to be at subway, but didn't understand the tears that streamed down my face. He also thought maybe I was referring to being in the Kearney Ward/area)
'I don't want to be here on earth!!!'
He kind of got teary eyed. "Why?"
'Because people are mean and stupid'
'Because we can't even sit down as a family and show respect and love for each other, like in F.H.E. last night (course it didn't help that the phone kept ringing...next time they are off. All FIVE of them, ha ha)
We had just spent Christmas week-end at his Folks place in hillbilly country. For those of you who don't know, ha ha. Indianola, Ne. Which is about 25 miles East of McCook. They live in an old Pig Farm house. The Huge metal type building if chucked full of STUFF...Cars, tires, junk, tools, more junk, the pig pen is full of mowers, and such. It's quite funny. Justice was out taking pictures of the Ranchero, Pacer, Fast Back Mustang, old pick-ups, and rust buckets. Makes Mater look brand new. Ha ha.
The house if full of "stuff" Pretty Stuff. The 4 freezers are full of Stuff.
It became quite overwhelming to me.
"stuff" happened on Saturday Night. Lies were told, feelings were hurt. I wanted to Run and Hide and take my kids and shelter them from the "cold".
I took a time out, talked it over with my kids. A lesson needed to be taught here, and even tho the guilty parties didn't want to talk about it, it got resolved, at least on the surface. I'm sure it will be a long time before I "give" my children to that situation again.
My spirit felt trapped there. We are MILES from civilization, Ron goes off galivanting to the ends of the earth and I'm stuck in the Pig Farm. (I mean that a few different ways, not necessarily negatively)
I get home and I'm free. NOPE! I'm stuck again with people who don't want to learn new principles of the gospel, who don't see a need to, or have the attention spam of a 10 month old. (I'd say 3 year old but she was actually pretty good, crayons and paper and she can be still for 3 minutes.)
It was very disheartening.
I shut down.
I am trying to figure out what I CAN do to get out of this. I don't mean my body. That would be too easy. (I've tried that, UGH, Sigh, HA HA)
My true reflection time is in the shower. My all humility? I don't know. That is when I speak to God and God truly speaks to me. I shared my thoughts with him.
He Shared his with me.
"Shanon, you have been filling your body with Junk! Junk food, Junk on t.v. Junk Junk Junk, and so what are you getting out of it? Junk. Satan wants YOU! He needs you! I want you, I need you. Please....get a grip and start eating better!"
This made me reflect on what my vegetarian friend Benji told me YEARS ago. I was pregnant with Justice. He said, "When you fill your body full of sugar, (the refined stuff, not the real stuff like fruits and real juices) that makes your body become unbalanced. Satan knows that. Therefore he can enter your mind!"
Henceforth the major cravings. Satan wants me and knows that is how he can get to me. Breads can turn into sugars too? I crave bread and sweets.
New Years Eve....