Saturday, November 15, 2008

L.D.S woman

My friend and I were talking about food one time. She said to me...this is our Release (is that the word you used Tauna?) I thought about it. She is right.

I don't smoke.
I don't drink.
I don't read books (what's the sense I don't have a huge block of time without interruption.)
I don't party
I don't have money to go to the spa
or get my nails done...

I do work out at Just For Ladies and laugh my butt off with my SF. but when I'm at home or OUT working, I don't have a stress relief. I look for food.

I was home today. Bored. Feeling guilty for having food in the fridge that needed to be eaten. I didn't want it to go to WASTE, that it went to my waste. GUILT!!!!

I think its dumb.

It was good food. Brown rice and chicken. Mashed potatoes with FF sour cream, low fat cream cheese ( I don't know I didn't make them, Adrienne did and she wouldn't disclose how she made them, ancient chinese secret, lol)

But all day I have felt like a failure because 1. I didn't track my food 2. I did eat more than I needed too. 3. I should have found something else to do.

I heard that LDS women are the highest females on anti-depressants. I asked an expert, she said that was false, but I have to say....most of my friends/family use anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. For years I have thought I needed them too.

until I got a new friend, and a new workout. Now I feel great. People say I look great, yet...the food looms. The temptation, guilt looms.

I was going to touch on Time Out for Women insight.

One of the speakers talked about Sin and Weakness

Sin... who is the author? Satan
what is its keep us away from God
What can we do?
We can repent

Weakness...who is the author? God
What is its purpose, "I give you you can make them strengths"
What can we do...find purpose, and strength

(that was a nutshell) was out of a book Forgiving ourselves. I can't remember the author.

remind me later and I'll get my photo notes.

So I'm not a sinner by over eating. (unless I break the Word of Wisdom, which I don't do)
I'm just weak!!!!!

Wow, that hurt to type. Cuz I'm NOT a weak person. I value myself as a very strong person...physically and spiritually. (emotionally, i'm weak tho. I'm hyper sensitive)

I'm WEAK...I'm WEAK... I'm WEAK...Food speaks louder than that NO YOU DON'T NEED IT VOICE!!!

Where can I find the strength. I have prayed for strength from this weakness. Nothing is clicking.... takes time. Be Patient....Be Kind to yourself.

How can I eat without guilt? HMMMMM. I may have to take Brooke up on her offer.


steffj89 said...

Don't let yourself think of it as weak. Sometimes when we have had hard times particularly growing up we learn/teach ourselves ways to cope so that we dont lose touch with ourselves. I eat now because of traumas (however real or imagined) from thirty years ago. It is a strength that allows us to survive other things.
Welcome to the blogging world...
feel free to visit mine...
Love ya!!

jayedee said...

i love you girl! do you know that? do you also know what an impact you make in my life every single day?
your friendship has helped to see me through my darkest moments. you rock!

shayster said...

Steff, I enjoyed your blog. What a great read! We have seen you and your boys grow neat is that. You said what I wanted to say...coping! Thank you

Jayedee...You'll never know what your example has done for me. YOU ARE WOMEN...I HEAR YOU ROAR!!

shayster said...

Amazing what 2 years can do for a woman. 6 weeks and my weakness is becoming a strength. I'm so grateful. How will I ever express it to God? What clicked this time? Timing?