Thursday, September 23, 2010

What's going on?

A lot of thoughts have been going through my mind. As you can tell by my previous posts. I have come to the conclusion that Ron is facing a midlife crisis and I'm going to have to be brave enough to help him out of it. FINE! Do I have any other choice? I don't see any good looking stripling Warrior coming to my rescue, so Here I am. Is this my destiny? Well, its not what I thought I signed up for, What do I know?
A lot of my online friends said its a matter of hormones. I know what its like for me. It gets pretty rough about 1-3 days a month for me. I don't cramp at all. I have NEVER really had physical symptoms. Mine have Always been emotional.
I pray that I can help Ron through this time. I believe that my problem is I don't have enough Faith in myself or him to get through this. My online friends said this is usually the time that couples get divorced. I can see why. I tend to take his problems out of myself. I always have done that. The bottom line is Ron needs me to be here for him. Good thing I liked to be needed. I also like to be loved, appreciated, and respected. Maybe we can both work together.
Speaking of working together. Friday Shai doesn't have school and she said she would be willing to baby sit. Karrea and Justice are the only ones that will be here. It will give me the opportunity to help Ron in Hastings tomorrow and Saturday. We have the Community Theater to clean, and then our Friend Ruthie called. I'm so grateful she called. I was so worried that we offended her by checking out one of her houses that was for sale without her full disclosure. (her worker was there and not her). She lost her husband last summer to cancer I believe. I don't know how to bring it up, or what. I do pray for her. Maybe I just need to let her know that.
Saturday we have a hair salon that needs us. Oh, and tonight Kevin needs us to clean one of his apartments in Axtell. Amazing what happens when you pay tithing (well, at least most of it, I'm sure he'll get caught up this weekend at church).
Fear! I fear he won't pay tithing (government conspiracy), then we lose our house, he loses his jobs, and we go DOWN UNDER. Fear. I have Faith in God. I don't have Faith in Ron following through on what NEEDS to be done to receive blessings. I fear that for myself too. Just in different ways. FEAR. I fear that my computer has a virus. It usually does around this time every year. FEAR. I don't fear death. I actually look forward to it. is that weird? Fear. I don't like it! It controls a lot of people.

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