Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Personality of Friendship

I found this article today. Thought I would share it.

Funny how I would find it after I shared my friend journal entry.

It was very interesting. I don't agree with everything, but that is okay. I still think its a fun read. I liked the end of it the best. Friendship is good for your body. Friendship doesn't take a whole lot of time. Emails, phone calls, get together for lunches, etc.

People used to think Debbie and I were inseparable. The Fact of the matter was we hardly saw each other. We didn't see each other on a regular basis until we started Weight Watchers and then that was once a week on Tuesdays. We would then venture out and do our Visiting Teaching. I would usually set up the appointments and make the reminder calls to the ladies. I would usually make or buy a goody for most of them. I would usually drive, and we would just travel to the sister's houses and catch up on our weeks and our days.

We hardly ever saw each other in church, we were usually at opposite sides of the building. The only time we worked together in a calling was when I was Stake Camp Director and I asked if she could be my Stake Camp Assistant Director. That was 2 or 3 years.

We grew up totally different. Her family is tight nit, mine is "the further away the better we are". If my family can get together for more than 10 hours and not fight its a miracle (actually that means some of us are on Zoloft, ha ha....and I wished it was me!)

She married in the temple after they both served their missons. She had her babies right after the other. I got married at the Elks Club outside to a non-member. I had Adrienne, took her to the temple with us when she was 3 and our babies are spread apart. 18, 14, 11, 3.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that we were polar opposite. She was told by one of the family members to watch out for me. I was only in it for myself. That I would steal the show, that I HAD to be center of attention. That is not true. I can sit in the back seat. But if no one wants it, I'll take the front. ha ha! I try to run my life by the spirit, and I have learned that not very many people like that. Its intimidating. Heavenly Father keeps reminding me "Shanon, you intimidate people"

What do I do with that information?

October of 2007 the spirit told me that my friendship would end with Debbie. I thought it was the craziest "thought" I had ever heard. I was also told that it would end by one of the kids. That was impossible. I loved her kids. I thought she loved mine. We always said that is anything happened to the other that we would take the kids and raise them ourselves. It was just crazy talk. Over the months though I could sense something. It was a scary feeling. I could feel the distance happening. We fought it. I kept praying about these feelings. The Lord kept telling me.

It happened. August 08. I will call it D day!

Shai was having some issues with one of the kids. Her phone was being taken out of her purse and the icons and ring tones and alarms were being messed with. She found her self getting woke up at 2:30 am. That was not funny to me or Shai. Especially since seminary is at 6:45, and you share a room with someone else. I witnessed this yw kneeing Shai in the butt all the way from the stage entrance to the Kitchen. That didn't sit right with me. Things were changing at school. Tensions were rising. You could see that these girls were choosing to be opposites. I believe its hard to grow up in the church and see your friends be "different" not necessarily wrong, but different. Shai felt it was time for her to break ties. I knew what she was feeling, I had felt the same way. Debbie and I were growing too different. I wasn't being the happy friend like I should be. I felt weighted down by something. I'm still not sure exactly what it was.

Shai called me at seminary one morning asking me for a ride, she didn't feel comfortable riding to school with some kids. I took her to school. Asked her if I needed to come in and walk her to her locker. (Love and support.) Sure mom, thanks! We walked in. I saw this young lady and I could feel my ears turning red. She was giving me dirty looks, or it was the deer in the headlights look I'm not quite sure. I did stop in the hall, I did say...---------, DO NOT MAKE SHAI'S LIFE A LIVING HELL IN HIGH SCHOOL, LIKE YOU DID IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. (things got rough in middle school, if this YW wasn't happy, no one was happy. If Shai was being an eeyore, everyone knew it) I was surprised at the maturity this young lady had. I think that toned me down. I wasn't looking for a fight. I wasn't there for confrontation. I was there to walk Shai to her locker and get her to her first class, but there was an opportunity. It looked like this young lady was giving me dirty looks and I was going to stop them. I did.

I took a deep breath and proceeded to correct her on her behaviors towards Shai... like, 'please don't take her phone out of her purse, a purse is personal. How would you like it?' "It wouldn't bother me" (nice come back). I confronted her on some of the kids she was hanging with, she basically told me she wasn't doing that. Making Shai even madder because she felt this young lady was lying. I ended up saying that the Lord sees all. I didn't want to come across as a bully and I apologized to her if it seemed like I was. I just wanted the air to be cleared and then her and Shai could be better friends. And that she really needed to quit hitting Shai and just be a better person and be the Mia maid president that Heavenly Father needed her to be. I said that I loved her and apologized again if I scared her or made her feel uncomfortable. There was a teacher standing about 5 feet from us. If I was rude or confrontational I believe she would have asked me to leave. But I was talking like we were friends. We were. I had been her Mia maid teacher for a year. Debbie and I have been friends for 13 years. I would do anything to destroy her. That is not in my nature. I will stand for truth and righteousness. I do have the spirit of discernment when I am being lied to, I know. Again, that is on her agency, and not mine.

I left. Got in my van. About 3 minutes later the spirit said to me...That was the end of your friendship with Debbie. This is what I meant when I told you it would be over. I was okay with that. Or was I? I fought it. I called her asking if we were going to go to the temple in 2 days, if she was driving. Are we going Visiting Teaching? I called 15 times that day. She never called me back. She never spoke to me again! Saturday I ended up picking up the temple goers and going.

Sunday came and I was devastated physically, mentally, and spiritually. Someone told me that Debbie was "done with me". I prayed about what I should do. How I should feel. The spirit told me "let her go" "set her free". So I did. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I have a testimony that God makes everything good. Even when bad people do bad things to you, God will make it right. God has blessed me. The gates of Heaven have opened up to me and I have been blessed. Physically I am healthier. Spiritually I am the same, hoping to continue to gain more. Mentally I still struggle. Most of my struggle was NOT knowing what I did that was so wrong for her to NOT speak to me for 5 months.

Sunday the silence was broken and now I know. I can only wonder what her daughter said to her to have her hurt. I didn't say anything to her daughter that I didn't already share with Debbie before the school incident (I talked her earlier that morning before Just for Ladies). Debbie did say to me..."the only thing you accomplished by going to the school to confront ------was you got it off your chest!!!!" That puzzled me. I pondered on that statement all night. I finally took it to prayer. God said to me...It accomplished what it was supposed to accomplish. Everything I had been praying for.

1. A new start 2. New friends 3. A new physical self, you got yourself back to weight watchers. 4. Shai had the freedom to find new friends and be blessed by old friends (who were afraid because they were afraid of this yw) 5. Your heart is mended. You haven't had heart problem since. I thought it was the mitral valve regurgitation, but it seems now it was anxiety attacks. WHO KNEW? 6. She is flying in her calling. She is not in your shadow. LIFE IS GOOD! 7. You and Ron are closer!

I was blessed to have Debbie in my life. Our lives were opposite, but for the time, they attracted. I would help more physically, and she helped me mentally. She let me talk and ramble and I would go and help her with the kids, or clean, or lend money, etc. It was all good! Somewhere along the way God needed things to change, and I'm relishing in that change. I hope she is too. She looks good. She is in the YW program now and that changes you too. To stand and say that YW theme every week changes a person, or at least it should and it did change me. Now I travel around in the Stake for Primary and that changes me too. The spirit is so strong in the primary room. I don't see why teachers are begging to be in there. May God soften their hearts!

Friends.....I need them! I am blessed by them. I have always been blessed to have a best friend no matter where I was planted. I have prayed for friends, and I have received. I thank you if you are ONE of my MANY friends who help me on this journey. Heaven knows I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for FRIENDS!!!!

Past, Present, and FUTURE!!


Bon said...

WOW!! you are an inspiration. I am blessed to know you, and hope to be one of your friends, greatful to learn more about you, and can relate to some of your struggles. Keep your head up and keep going the Lord is pleased with you.

shayster said...

I do consider you one of my friends and look forward to getting to know you. I have been a little gun shy, but I pray for strength to reach out. I'm glad that you have reached out yourself. I feel it a great blessing. I find myself thinking about you all the time, and praying that all is well.

some people just click, and I know that is the Lord's okay! KWIM? ha ha