Even after I posted Reflections of Love I still found myself struggling with my relationship with Ron. I wished I wasn't a thinker. I wished I was more like him and just go through life, lolli-gagging. Ha ha.
Life just really seems smooth for Ron. He is fun with the kids. He is more of a kid himself. I sometimes feel more like his mother than a wife, but as I look around, I think that is just a lot of some men's journey. (as I just caught him yanking a string with a pair of playdough scissors on the end from the ceiling fan. 3 children laughing and watching and I bet 2.00 that they try it later this day, ugh)
Sunday we came home from Wray. We talked until about 2:00 am. I wanted to really resolve these feelings before something tragic could happen to our family. You know, the NO REGRETS statement at the funeral got me thinking. Shawn lives his life "wide open".
I think I found the source that satan has been using in my thought process. I dug deep down to remember when I found myself OFFENDED. I remembered. I thought we talked about it, but It was still pretty deep. The feelings I had about what Ron did to me felt like me getting punched in the stomach again. The same feelings I had when Debbie Wolfe quit speaking to me.
(that is another life lesson)
So today, even tho the sun isn't quite shining, and its so cold out. I'm starting to warm up to this new found feeling of love and trust for Ron.
As of now, Satans tool is put away in his shed and not mine. I have HOPE for this relationship.
"Hope is one leg of a three-legged stool, together with faith and charity. These three stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter at the time... Hope in our Heavenly Father’s merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls." --Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Infinite Power of Hope", Ensign, Nov 2008, 21–24
Cast Thy Burden upon the Lord, Hymn #110