Shays life lessons

Weight Watcher Leader Training

2011-08-31T20:29:00.000-05:00

      September 16, 2011 will be an adventure ride for me. I will be flying out of the Lincoln airport and venturing to Chicago. I will have 3 days to learn what I need to learn to be able to stand in front of a crowd and educate them on the Weight Watcher Program.
      I am a bit nervous. I have wanted to do this for 9 years. A few months after I got on the weight watcher program I had the overwhelming urge to be BLANCHE. Blanche was the leader at the time. I knew she was nearing retirement. I thought she was spunky and full of life and energy. I know that bugged some people, but I always loved how I felt around Blanche. She is a great example to me. After Ron lost his Coleman job and he bought his own Hastings Business I started going to the Hastings meetings. There I met Deb. She was spunky, full of energy too. Life got a little busy and I quit going to the meetings. I gained 20 pounds, or more. I went back to the tuesday meeting but Blanche was retired and there were a couple of new ladies. Pam and Mary. Tuesday night wasn't cutting it for me and my friend Cindy. Cindy suggested we start going to Mary's meeting. What a breath of fresh air.
     I came back but struggled to find my weight loss journey successful. That was August of 2010. After seeing Adrienne's wedding pictures I decided it was time to do something for myself again. I was at a stand still. Mary was great but my head wasn't doing very good. November rolled around and a new program came out with weight watchers. It took me about 2 months to get my head and heart wrapped around the new program. YES, You can teach an old dog new tricks. It just may take a little longer.
     January the St. James Center closed and the meetings went to Just for Ladies. That was really frustrating. No parking, no place to sit, the ladies were wonderful but I was paying for a monthly pass but wasn't able to enjoy the meetings. Frustration was setting in again. Word got out that Just for Ladies meetings were moving to the Faith United Methodist Church. I was really excited. I was also approached by several of the ladies that worked at weight watchers to see if I was ready to Work for Weight watchers as a receptionist. The guidelines for that was to be 170 pounds. I was just barely getting to Dr. Goal and struggle to stay there with out gains every other week. My Dr. Goal is 176. I told them I would work on it.
     I worked and worked. The only thing that worked was the prayers I said to the Lord. I told him my desires. I let him know the guidelines I needed to live by. By the Grace of God I made it to 170. I called Jennifer, the area manager. She interviewed me and found that I would be a great assest to the team. I told her that I would love to be a leader someday. She told me I had 6 months to get down to the Leader guideline for my heighth. 160. REALLY? I haven't seen 160 since I was a sophmore in High school. I continued to fast and pray for the strength to get over my weakness. On a daily basis I could feel the love and support of angels. The beginning of July I was able to call Jennifer and tell her I made it to Leader Goal. I was two months ahead of the 6months that she gave me. I am proud to say that I weigh 158. That is a lot compared to some of the other ladies that surround me. I am grateful. I am healthier today than I have been in years.
     I started my weight watcher journey April of 2002. Through Prayer I received the answer that I desired. HOW DO I EAT? Go to weight watchers. I called up Debbie and we found the meeting room and we ventured out of our comfort zone. I lost 68 pounds. My start up weight was 243 pounds. In 2005 I got pregnant with Karrea. January of 2006 I got back into weight watchers and lost 50 pounds. I got to that Dr. Goal weight of 176. 2007 is when I received that goal weight. Ron sustained some back injuries and I had to help him. A voice clearly said to me, this is why you are as big as you are. So you can take care of Ron. I was finally FREE. I paid for about 5 years (remember, you can't go if you are pregnant :D). What a relief. I submitted my story into the SUCCESS contest and won 4 place in the nation, or our region. I am not sure. I got a few gift certificates, some food, a plant, and recognition. It was a real exciting time for me.
     2008 rolled around and the stress of working with Ron doing carpet cleaning and not having an eating schedule I slowly gained 20 pounds. So from May to September I could feel the difference. I found myself a couple of meetings to attend. By January of 2009 I lost the 20 pounds. I kept it off for a few months and then the life happened again. From April to November 20 pounds creeped back on. I was too busy to go to meetings. By June of 2010 I was losing control of my eating. By the time I went back to weight watcher August of 2010 I was up to 198 pounds. I was so frustrated with myself. HOW COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF. I KNOW BETTER! RIGHT?? UGH.
     Here I am. Trying to be successful once again. I hit my free lifetime status in March, and started being a receptionist for weight watchers. I miss going to meetings but I love seeing the people and hopefully inspiring them in some shape or form. I am not perfect. If you see me in the grocery store I may have some "bad" chips or cookies in there. "If you bite it you write it" and nothing is off limits. "if you work the program, the program works for you!"
     I cannot express the gratitude I have in my heart and soul. 1) for God giving me strength 2) my family being patient with me and fending for themselves when I can't fix another meal 3) the ladies at the Kearney weight watcher meetings that give me advice and strength and teach me the things I need to be successful 4) I am grateful the products that I get to buy to keep me on track. 5) I really appreciate the people that attend the meetings that help lift me up. I wouldn't be able to continue this journey if it wasn't for all the above. I know I'm missing others.
    Thank you.

Life Begins with G

2011-05-07T20:00:00.001-05:00

G Is for Grandma. I can't even express how AWESOME it is to be a grandma. I was blessed to be invited to Chris and Adrienne's house for the birth of their first born son. Quinten Alan Pinchak. I think I was in heaven (except I hope I don't gain 10 pounds in heaven in 3 weeks, UGH, lol) It smelled like heaven, it felt like heaven, it seemed like heaven, I ate like I was in heaven. If that is what Heaven is Like I want to be there FOREVER.
I know I won't see Quinten for a long time, so I cherished every second I had with him (he only got fussy on me once, but I still kissed his forehead :D)
I loved him on my chest for hours at a time. He had Angel Lip gloss kisses on his head. I just couldn't help it. I hope no one caught me smelling his little hair. (its so long in the back I think he will be the one to bring the Mullet back into style).
I enjoyed Him. I hope he knows that I love him. The only time I got teary eyed was when the "taxi" came and I had to say goodbye. I gave Adrienne a hug and told her I loved her then I held Quentin in my arms again, pulled him away, kissed his soft and squishy cheek and said GRANDMA LOVES YOU......I felt the emotion come, and I handed him to Adrienne quickly. (its okay for me to cry now, I don't have mascara on, but then it was early in the morning, no time to reapply, :D)
I sit here trying to be busy so I don't miss them all.
It was really hard seeing Adrienne in pain after her C-section. I wanted to take the pain away. It was hard as she struggled to feed her little guy and tears would stream down her face. I just wanted her to know that I understand and that we all learn and grow through these experiences. She is stronger person now.
I loved seeing Chris hold his little man and try to change his diaper as fast as he could (15 min) so Poop wouldn't get on little guys socks, haha!
I truly enjoyed all the time I spent there. No complaints, not one second of regret. I was grateful for the sacrifice Chris and Adrienne gave so I could go to the sacred grove and Speak to God. What a truly wonderful blessing that is. Its a Grove of trees. Pennsylvania is Full of Groves, so why is Palmyra, New York Different? Because its Holy Ground. God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ STOOD and TAUGHT truths in that grove of trees. AWESOMENESS was all around. I will try and share what I learned there.
I got my wishes. I had three. I wished Adrienne and I could work things out!
I wanted to love on my grand son.
I wanted to see the Sacred Grove and the Hill Cumorah.
I'm so grateful for Magic Wands that really do work!
I feel very blessed.
I met some wonderful people in their ward.
I started a new business because of the bishops wife.
My.michebag.com/shanon_matson is what Lisa set me up with.
I hope and pray God grants me many more Riches.

Finally......living my best self?

2011-03-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

     I believe it was January when I found out that I was close to being able to work for Weight Watchers. That has been my goal from the first few weeks I started attending Weight Watcher meetings. I have always felt the pull to stand up and help people. I'm not always the perfect example but it's the Fight that keeps me going, and I find that in other people. Encouragement is KEY in most situations.   I love the Weight Watchers gives you the knowledge and the tools to be successful. If you are not finding success, Its YOU, and nobody else. As of Friday, March 11, 2011 I was hired to work for Weight Watchers. I will be a receptionist first and then they really want me to be a leader.   I can't wait for that challenge.
     As much as I want my family to EAT like I do, and FEEL like I do, I can't force it. I provide the tools and the environment but they still have to choose. They used to ask me HOW MANY POINTS IS THAT? It was all fun and games. Now I may say....DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY POINTS THAT IS? ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CHOOSE TO EAT THAT? They govern themselves.
     I know how hard it is. Before Weight Watchers my success story consisted of Pills. Yes, I was very successful on FEN/PHEN. Now I may have heart problems. (One DR says I do, One Agency says I don't, you know what I mean!) I was also taking Phentermine. Very successful. I loved it because I didn't even THINK about eating. Essentially Starving! HEY! worked! Gained all my weight back and then some once I stopped taking the pills and at the time My feelings were hurt by a "friend" and I took my sadness with me to Runza double cheese burgers and Onion rings. Don't get me wrong, I still eat at Runza, but its a Grilled Chicken Sand. and maybe some onion rings as a treat ONCE in awhile.
     Through my weight loss struggle I cried. What really put me over the top, seeing I had a problem was a video of myself. Triple Chin, Big bongo butt, and my gut had folds in it. Did I feel this way? NO! I felt like Shanon. I felt like ME. When I looked at the video that was NOT ME......Who was that in my voice, and my eyes? Sadness overwhelmed me!
     That night I prayed to my Heavenly Father for the right path for me. The next day while watching the "forbidden" soap opera's I saw two or three commercials for Weight Watchers. It felt RIGHT for me. I called the 800 number and got some meeting information, called up my best friend at the time and asked her if she wanted to go. We Went together. I am so grateful. We both struggled off and on. We were both successful when we LIVED the LIFESTYLE. What a great blessing this program has been for ME.
     Now I feel like I can bless the lives of other people. Maybe sharing a spirit of accomplishment, share ups and downs. Encourage people to be their best selves. That doesn't mean Skinny. That means healthy. Being Wise in all that we do and say. I'm ready to live what I believe, and share that knowledge. Its like sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I can live by example. If people want what I have and have been blessed with, I will share that opportunity.
     I have to pray every night for the strength from my Heavenly Father to go through the day in my weakness. Through Him I have found strength. My biggest Light Bulb Moment was at Time Out for Women. Wendy Ulrich said that over eating IS NOT A SIN, it is a weakness. Now in the RS lesson, it is against what Heavenly Father needs our temples to do. God knows this is a weakness, and therefore, he will be our strength, and he will provide ways to strengthen us. I'm grateful to him and to all those people who help me at Weight Watchers Tues and Thurs meetings. Can't wait to meet more people and make them a part of my journey.

NORMAL?

2011-03-02T23:09:00.000-06:00

I got this in an email last week sometime. It really bothered me, because I feel like people think this way of me. "She looks normal, she dresses normal, but she ISN'T."
Like I said in a post earlier this week I have had people tell me I intimidate them. That is NOT normal. I have a fight inside myself. I feel normal, but clearly I am NOT TREATED NORMAL. (for one example, the girls gave all the ladies who have had babies a baby blanket. it is "tradition" in the ward. I'm still waiting for Karrea's blanket.)

I talk too much. I voice my opinion too much. I share the "spirit" too much. I am just too much. I know too much. I say COOL or AWESOME too much. My hair is too much. My clothes are too much for some people. I care too much, I love too much. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I am NOT NORMAL.
Just today though I felt okay with NOT being NORMAL.
Today, I am what Maxine says. And I'm okay with that.
How about you? Are you normal?

Once again!

2011-03-02T22:59:00.002-06:00

Once again the Ward POT is stirred. My hopes arise. Thinking just maybe this time I'll get to spread my wings and serve.
NOPE! Been over 2 years since I have been asked to really do something. Don't get me wrong, being in the Stake Primary was a blast. I loved seeing the kids crawling on the floor eating crayons and singing at the top of their lungs. I loved traveling around. When the Pres. got released. I wasn't surprised. My family was having a hard time getting to church without me getting them there. I knew the Lord needed me in the Kearney building. I didn't think it would be over 2 years before I could get back into the WARD.
I know some people complain because they are asked too much. They are too busy to serve here or there. I am the opposite. I feel like my wings are clipped. I feel like I am STUCK in the Closet. That is just my cross. I am supposing. I am feeling like a nothing ONCE AGAIN. I hate that feeling. I wished it didn't bother me.
Here is something I need to share with myself every day. I went to Mary Kay at the Ramada Inn last night so I could get trained, and there I found my spiritual uplift too. Funny how that works. Can't get it at CHURCH I have to get it at WORK. I love it! these ladies are great.

      Ephesians 1:4
     According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:
     "The Devil like to condemn us and keep us down by whispering in our ears, ""LOOK AT YOU TRYING TO ACT AS IF YOU'RE SOMEBODY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOBODY! YOU HAVE COME FROM NOWHERE, AND YOU'RE GOING NOWHERE."" The devil uses the same old tactics in every battle, He deceives, lies, accuses, and seeks to destroy us.
     When he does, remember David faced similar attacks from the enemy. When Samuel came to visit David's family, his father, Jesse, didn't even call him from tending the sheep. Samuel came to anoint a king, but no one in David's family believed that he had the right stuff to be King. His brothers were older, wiser, taller, more handsome, and more experience. Saul and his men laughed when David wanted to take on Goliath.
    What David accomplished in his life for God had nothing to do with where he started and everything to do with the fact that God picked him out. Be not discouraged, regardless of your circumstances, God will take you out of wherever you are and bring you to the where ever He wants you to be!!!
     LORD, YOUR CALLING ON MY LIE IS GREATER THAN ANY MAN CAN BELIEVE. I CANNOT LOOK TO OTHERS FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM OR SELF WORTH. SO, LORD, I TURN TO YOU. IN YOU, I AM ROYALTY!! AMEN
     I can't tell you how I fought back the tears. I had the bobble head going on when she was teaching us. I still tear up. I just really wished I wasn't so tender about this. I want to be a part of the Kearney WARD and not just the building. I keep feeling like I'm being held back because of MAN. I wished I knew how to get past it. I just keep plugging along in my daily life and I try to do what God needs me to do.
     I am happy for all those ladies who have "callings". I wished I had the opportunity to work with some of those ladies.
Rub shoulders, fellowship, be loved and most of all LOVE those whom I would serve and serve with. I do find happiness helping a little 6 year old on the computer though.   She has been my SMILE on WED. nights.
     I am royalty, and I'm sorry if NOBODY sees that. NOW where are the Kleenex's

The Ugly Head

2011-03-01T13:30:00.000-06:00

Just when I think I am OVER what People think of ME, self doubt looms its ugly head again.
My friend told me the other day that I used to intimidate her. I come to church looking so nice, and I carry myself so upright that I truly frightened her. I assured her that if you talk to me more than 5 minutes I'm the biggest L word. If you look under my bangs you will see what I mean.
I have reflected that "message" over and over in my head for the past few days. I feel I have been told that so many times that I feel like I'm leaning towards the DORKY side a little too much, Like I'm trying TOO hard to fit in. I turned 40 3 years ago. I liked who I was finally. That seems to be the time that I have heard this statement OVER AND OVER AGAIN......"Shanon, you intimidate people", or "wow, you are not what I thought you were", or "You are different at home then you are at church" That one, I had an answer for, I'm supposed to be reverent and conservative at church, its the Lords house.
I just have to think that Satan is using this tool to distract me. I have found that I have wanted to retract my whole body from the WORLD, even church things. FOR FEAR I MAY INTIMIDATE. haha! This is where I take a deep breath and try to live the best that I can.
I am TOO honest
I am POISED in most situations
I am Opinionated
I am Listening
I am BOLD
I am BRAVE
I am ME
I am Who I believe Heavenly Father NEEDS me to be
I am A good MOM
I am a Good WIFE
I am a good Daycare Provider
I am a good House keeper
I am a good Worker
I am a good Sister
I am a Good Daughter
I am Who I am!
I Am the BEST that I can Be TODAY
i am who I am because GOD LOVES ME
I will be OKAY whether YOU like me or NOT.......I do what I do because its ALL I know, and I try to hear what God needs from me.

So excited!!!

2011-02-25T15:59:00.000-06:00

Thursday morning I was just lounging in bed when I got a phone call from Adrienne. She was looking up flights for P.A. for April. A few weeks ago 1 ticket was over 149.00. Now they were 109.00 so she booked me on a flight to Newark, NJ. I am so excited. I leave April 5th, and get back the 27 of April. Wow, can I do it? YOU BET! I can't wait. Hopefully I don't out do my welcome and they take me to the airport to hang for 6 days. :D
I got my itinerary and my baggage requirement, now I just need to find a way to Omaha. Not sure if Ron will take me or he will let me take the car and park it in Omaha. I have a month to figure it out. Isn't it crazy February has come and gone! GEE. I'm kind of glad, I get grumpy in Feb. I haven't quite figured it out yet. Oh ya. Its lovers day and my birthday. Hmmmmm. This year I celebrated the family and not just Ron and I. I loved that commercial where the card says I CELEBRATE US. I lose out if I just celebrate Ron and I cuz to him V-Day is no biggy.........so this year we gave the kids some money and we went out as a family. V-Day I took Justice out. He has felt neglected lately. We had a good time.
I was asking on facebook if anyone wanted to help me go to PA to visit my new grandson. They could order Mary Kay or Pampered Chef, or just send me a dollar, and between my 657 friends, that would be a good start. A few friends have pulled through. I'm excited!
Now if I can just keep it straight, and not put it in my gas tank. with the price of gas...........my denali took 70.00 for a half a tank. I'm not liking this. Plus I have to put money in Shai's tank. Ron has only averaged 3 jobs a week. That is NOT paying his bills. We are getting nervous. Let me rephrase that......HE is getting nervous. I have made suggestions but that is NOT what he feels comfortable with. (talking with people). I just pray the phones ring for him.
I have a young lady who will watch the daycare while I'm gone if Ron has some jobs. I hope all is covered. Hopefully she'll have her Drivers License by then. YAY.
Life is smiling right now.

I'm four, I'm four, I'm forty three years old today!

2011-02-08T12:22:00.000-06:00

     February 6, 1968 I was blessed come into this world. According to my "birth mother" I was stubborn, she was in labor for about 3 days. Do you know how cold and dreary the world is? Do you know why I stayed in as long as I could? I knew I would have a rough go of it this place we call the dark and dreary world.
     This weekend was my birthday weekend. Saturday I went with Ron to clean the retirement home, Kensington in Hastings. I like being there. I like helping. After work we shopped at the dollar store and then he took me to breakfast, lunch, supper at Country Pride. I order my usual chopped steak, baked potato, and steamed veggies. Soup and salad. YUM. I didn't reorder. I am trying to get my weight down to where I can be a receptionist for Weight watchers. I have 5 pounds to go. Whew. Its been NINE YEARS. I have wanted to work for WW for NINE YEARS. Wow. Talk about stubborn.
     After Country Pride we went to Kearney. I had to pay some of my Cato's card and while I was there I looked through clearance. That place is so addicting to me. I got a blouse for 5.99 and a cute black skirt for 9.99. Ron offered to buy that for me for my birthday. That was nice of him. Shai kept bugging me about when we were going to get home so I told her we were on our way. When we drove up and parked you could hear the kids running in the house and then all the lights disappeared. I heard my favorite MANLY MAN playing on the Bose. David Archuletta!   awwwww! (next year it will be my album from John Wayne Shulz haha)
     SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they all jumped out and surprised me (not!) They had a birthday banner and cheese cake bites and cupcakes and presents and cards! IT WAS SO SWEET! (I started my fast after country pride so I saved some goodies for Sunday). The cards were sweet! I got two webkins. One is a cocker spaniel and one is a Koala Bear. Shai made me a couple of bracelets, and a paper weight that is so cute! its a wooden block and she embossed it! LOVE IT ALL. I got lots of hugs and kisses.
     Sunday I got a text from Adrienne bright and early in the morning,. Luckily I was up and ready to go. We had decided to attend my mom's ward in Grand Island and it started at 9:00, so we were up at 7:00 and leaving by 8. Karrea started throwing up Friday at 1:00 am, and felt better Saturday. Sunday 2:30 AM I got a tap on my shoulder and had a few messes to clean up. I get so annoyed. At least she didn't throw up on her brother on the bottom bunk this time. She was on the couch. Justice was thankful for that!
     Justice opted to stay home with her, he had a stomach ache. I think it was because he didn't start his fast like he should of and was eating chili late at night. Sure sign for a disaster. It was all good. We got on the road a little late. I'm glad mom saved us a spot there was standing room only. NOT. There weren't very many people there. It was quite sad. There was a sweet spirit in the testimonies though. Isn't that what truly matters?
     After church I got lots of hugs from dear friends that have seen me grow up and become a wife, mother, and now a grandma. Sunday school was nice and RS was even nicer. Mom bore her testimony. Could I ask for a better birthday present?
     We got home and had homemade lasagna for lunch. Lyle made a great salad with tomatoes, broccoli, black olives, and lettuce. I made garlic bread. And for dessert I made angel food strawberry shortcake. Usually Ron buys all the stuff but I did this year. I wasn't going to wait around for him. I get tired of doing that!
     The phone rang and it was Christopher. He apologized for not getting my birthday card off. I told him to just add interest. He laughed and told me that my birthday present is a plane ticket to come out when the baby is going to be born. I didn't know they wanted me there. He said he would have Adrienne call me when she got up from her nap. I told him I wouldn't be able to come out, who would watch the kids. My mom got mad and said figure out a way, this is your grand baby! DANG......Who knew she could be so feisty!? ME! haha
     I opened up my cards from Roger and Mom and dad! Thank you guys! We were supposed to have a clown entertain us, but he was dead in the street! Dang it, and I didn't feel like having dancing monkeys so we just sat around and talked and laughed. It was the bestest Birthday! I got a call from Adrienne. She asked if I would come out to PA and help her with the baby. Maybe stay about 2 weeks or so. MY JAW DROPPED! She needs me? She needs me? SHE NEEDS ME!!!!! How awesome is that. She told me that the ladies in RS were asking if I was going to be able to be out there for the baby to help her and she told them I probably wouldn't be able to afford it, and time off, etc. I guess that made her sad. She said she cried after church. I guess Chris promised that he would get me there somehow. Because he loves Adrienne, and this is what Adrienne wants he will move hell or high water to get what she wants. I LOVE THAT. He may be a pain sometimes but he loves my little princess!
     I guess they are going to be moving March 1st. That was one of the things I said when they first moved out there. I still have hurt feelings by the way his family treated our family while here at the wedding. AM I OFFENDED? no. but I do have hurt feelings. Can I be respectful to them? Yes, I always have been. Are they respectful to me? No. but that is their problem. Doesn't mean I have to be around them 24/7. Can I be in the same room with them? Sure, I'm a big girl! I loved the time we spent there in Grand Junction. I don't believe they had to be totally disrespectful to us. NUFF SAID.
     That was a great birthday gift given to me too. I'm hoping to go to PA maybe the 7th of April and coming back around the 18 or later. I'll know more details the closer she gets to being due. She says its hard to breath. I KNOW THAT ONE. I sure love to hear that she is changing and that maybe I wasn't such a bad mommy after all! I really try to live my life so that the spirit can change me, and help me teach my children. I feel God is a real gift giver in that department. I love each of my children and if I could give more I would. But God has told me I'm poor for a reason! haha! He sees the sacrifices I make for them. They are good citizens, and they work for all that they have! I LOVE THAT! What a great blessing!
     If turning one year old is good like this........I welcome the birthdays!
     I'm four, I'm four, I'm forty three today! (2-6-68)

Missing

2011-02-01T12:38:00.000-06:00

We got word the 21st that Kailee was missing. Prayers went up immediately. Prayers of PLEASE FATHER...HELP US FIND HER. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good.
Does anything good come from McCook? Yes, it does.
Saturday morning Kelly called us. He was crying. Not a good sign. They found her. Her spirit was in heaven, her body was in the Bartley Cemetery. Prayers go out to the family. Kelly Promised he would stay strong for his baby girl! Kelly feels that Kailee guided him the whole way to find her. He only saw the suspect one time. Kailee had expressed concern for her safety. He did his own investigating and found him. He let police do their job. I know is a hard thing to do.
We are all sad! Shai went to the funeral. She said there were well over 1000 people there. Standing room only!
God is a God of Mercy and Justice and it will be served!
God bless all those who are seeking for peace and comfort.
Kailee was family. Kailee was/is loved. Kailee will be an example of Justice.

"His Girl Kailee" Original song by Shai Matson for Kailee Clapp

2011-01-26T13:37:00.000-06:00

Christmas Eve

2011-01-04T13:42:00.000-06:00

     Since our time was going to be spent with my family on Christmas day, and stores are not open, and we don't shop on Sunday, we decided it would be fun to treat Christmas Eve Day like Christmas day at the Matson home. The Saturday before is when I wrapped all of the presents I had gotten for the family and daycare. I wasn't going to spend money on the kids, but Walgreen was have a buy one get one free sale and I just couldn't resist their cute variety (and loud) of toys.
     I got Maddy and Tessa matching babies. I got Kaleb a high powered and very noisy gun. :D I got Kole a noisy steering wheel, with all the lights and sounds. I got a phone that was for babies, but Anthony had his eye it, and so I gave it to him, and his sister Stephie I gave her some make-up. I got a Pizza hut gift card from Sonya, Zach, and Kole. I also gave Matt a break on daycare....half price. It was an accident, but how do I tell them. Oh by the way, you owe me 33.75 each day. I know the Lord will bless all of us, so I just left it.
     We opened our White elephant gifts to each other first. We have a great time doing that. Wait, I think the kids opened up their stockings stuff first. We told them there wouldn't be much in there. We bought some mini candy bars and Walgreen's had .30 skittles and snickers. I think we spent 10.00 on the stocking stuffer. I think they had fun.
     We enjoyed all that we received. Ron put some money in the kids 12 pack of soda. I played the hot and cold game with the kids cards. I hid them. I woke up out of bed at 6:00 freaking out. Ron, Ron, We forgot to get the stockings ready. We rushed around trying not to make too much noise. Got everything set up, I hid the cards, and then we went back to bed. We asked the kids not to get us up until 9:00. Now that they are older, there is NO fighting it. Karrea is a late bloomer, she sleeps in like Shai does. We are lucky if Shai gets out of bed before noon when there is no school.
      I felt really spoiled, blessed, satisfied, its hard to know what word to use. I received a fancy crock pot. You get to set the time, and temperature, and the lid locks on. I also received a NINJA. Its a food processor that goes on top of two different containers. (note to self. only do one batch at a time of Oreo truffles. smoke was coming out of the top of the NINJA.....OOOPS). I needed a big furry blanket. I got it. Its like sleeping with a bear that doesn't snore. We have a down comforter, but for some reason I can't sleep under it. My hips get to hot and they start to ache. I had been using two blankets one for the top, one for the bottom, they were clearance blankets you can put in the car. It was nice not to have to rearrange in the middle of the night. The Big surprise is the watch and bracelet set he got me. I have bad luck with watches. I have been forgetting I even have one. He'll ask me.......HEY SHANON WHAT TIME IT IS? Um...I D K
     I got Ron some new G's. I bought him some movies, buy one get one free. I also got him an I-tunes card so he can put songs on his Ipod. Nothing like wearing WHITE instead of gray. Haha. I'm not sure what the kids have spent their money on. Karrea got a few toys for her doll house. There were the twin babies from Walgreen's along with some barbie/clothes. She got some Little Pet shop pals, and a barbie that teaches dogs how to swim. She loved it all. It was so fun to see her get so excited. Justice and Shai were surprised at some of their gifts too. Like the White Elephant, Justice got dad's dremel tool. Shai got some scrap booking Teen paper and book, etc.
     We had a wonderful time in the morning. We all got dressed and got ready to shop. WE picked up some burger king for lunch. We are hooked on Buck Doubles and salads. We went to several stores and just looked around. The hustle and bustle was okay, because there was no real pressure. I had asked the kids to really ponder on where they wanted to spend their money. It really is a rare commodities these days. We picked up some Sonic drinks around Happy Hour. Shopped some more. It was getting supper time and I went to Domino's and ordered some pizza. Little Caesars was closed. I thought the sign said 2 for 5.99 so I ordered 4 pizza's. UM....if you order at least 2 you can get them for 5.99 a piece. DANG IT. I spent way too much money on pizza. To be quite honest......it wasn't worth it. The pizza was raw. I don't like raw cheese. its, its, its just yucky. The olives were poison tasting. I wasn't a real hit that night in the supper department. It will be another 20 years before I go there again. ( I worked there in 1989).
      We got home late. Started making stuff for Christmas day. I think we got to bed around 1:00. Thursday night Justice and I made Oreo balls (because he talked dad into buying me that NINJA). We had a blast. I made sugar cookie dough. We made chocolate covered raw almonds with the left over white and chocolate almond bark. Shai made puppy chow. We sent Karrea to bed. I reflect on this time with much love and gratitude in my soul. Kole was even a good boy. He is doing a lot better. I think the kids are even praying that he has a good day. We just want him to be happy. That is all we ever want.

Christmas Day

2011-01-03T15:13:00.000-06:00

     Christmas day was to be spent with my whole family. What a great treat that was. Russell, Rachelle, and Lucas. Roger, a friend, and Miranda, that was a surprise. Lyle, Kelly, Lexis, Dana, Keagan, and Michael. Everyone was present, well, except Adrienne, and Chris. Uncle Norman and Marcy showed up and we began to eat. Since we were in the club house near mom and dad's duplex, we decided we would do soups and snacks. Plenty of food. You would think we were feeding an army. I made chicken chili, Roger made Zuppa Tuscana, Lyle made chili, mom made homemade chicken noodle, dad made oyster stew, Russ made little smokies in a blanket. Lots of candy, cookies, cheese and crackers. It was not a good place for a dieter! I ate 3 bowls of Rogers soup. LOVED IT. Tasted lyles. Could be a little more zing. I ate a half a bowl of noodle soup. Sipped on dad's stew.......YUCK, and didn't even try mine. LOL! (in fact its in the microwave now cooking down to make re fried beans)
     After we ate we played games. The girls were playing Hokie 6 while the guys played Trouble. We had a great time. We brought out BLURT. Mom didn't want to play, dad was getting sick, and Lyle was a party pooper. Ha, he was still eating. We made mom play and she was good at it and she loved it. We even caught her cheating and she had to give up the points. NO BLURTING FOR THE OTHER TEAM! haha
     We had a white elephant exchange. I ended up with a John Deer Sweatshirt. Justiced ended up having to choose 3 times, people were stealing his gifts. He got a tea cup. Karrea got some stuffed animals and a Yankee candle. Shai picked one of my gifts (mine were the last ones left, sheesh) she got a friends picture frame. Ron ended up with Wild Country Cologne from Avon. It was a good time. I'm already for next years gift exchange, I picked up some clearance blankets. Everyone was fighting over those!
     We cleaned up the club house and went over to mom and dads. There we got out Pictionary man. We are not fans. We even had Lucas Crying because he couldn't figure out how to draw FIRE STARTER. You got me! Who the heck came up with something stupid like that. JUST MY OPINION, and about half of the other people in the room. We hung out for a couple hours. Rachelle was starting to feel stuffy, Roger just got back from an Omaha run. We snacked a little bit and then it was time for us to get back, it was almost midnight.
     On the way to Grand Island Justice wanted to know if he could stop at T.A. and check out a knife. I made Ron pull over at T.A. just so Justice could check it out, even though it was after midnight. Justice felt bad because "what if I change my mind and don't get the knife?" I said, Don't worry about it Son, You'll know if you are supposed to spend your money on it or not. Money has been really really tight around here. Ron has never seen his bank account so low since he started his own business. Let that be a lesson to him. I don't have any money coming in to pull up the slack either. My day care is half the load it used to be since they are all in school. I want Justice to be aware of money situations, but I want him to learn that God will tell you where your money should go.
    The boys were in the store about 15 min. Justice came out and said He wasn't going to buy the knife. Ron came out and said he wanted me to come in and check out the leather jackets for motorcycle riding. I was reluctant. They were normally 140.00 on sale for 59.99. We were in there trying jackets on, and trying to decide if we really needed them. Now, I have ridden with my Heaven's Best coat on. It was not fun having that hood flap around smacking me. This Jacket has a zip out liner and inner pockets too. Its black with Roses embedded on it and the sleeves can zip up for a tighter fit.   Ron bought 2 of them. I truly feel spoiled and blessed this season. I just need to buy some cycle gloves and maybe some chaps and we will be set (he needs chaps too). We found out boots for 8.00 on clearance. The helmets were a gift from the man we bought the bike from.
     I was overwhelmed by the great day we had participated in. I walked to the Denali quickly, it was cold and late. A young man stopped Ron at the door. I'm a people watcher. I had seen this man pacing back and forth, stretching out his legs on the bench. Going in the store, running up the stairs a few times. I didn't know if he was waiting for his Truck to fill up with Gas. I've heard that takes quite a bit of time. To have him stop Ron puzzled me. I watched. I could see the man tearing up. I reached for my purse. I grabbed a 20.00 (i had two of them for the rest of the week). I walked outside. Ron said he was pulling his car around to the pump.
     Ron wasn't sure what to do, the man asked for some money, but he didn't want him spending it on booze or cigarettes, so Ron offered him to FILL UP his P.T. Cruiser. We walked over to the pump. I held out my hand. He thought I was going to shake his hand.....in my hand was the 20 dollar bill. He started to cry. He asked for our address, he stated that when he got paid he would send us the money to repay, I gladly said......NOPE. YOU KEEP IT. We love to help. Thank you for letting us help! Emotion over came him. Ron and I started to tear up too. He finally choked out....I'm in the military. My mom gave me all she had, and 20.00 doesn't get me from Missouri to Colorado. My aunt and uncle borrowed 40.00 and I am stranded here in the cold. I have to be at post at 9:00 am. Thank you for being so kind and helping me. I couldn't choke anything out, I just nodded and wiped my tears.
     We watched as he got in his car, wiping his tears. We hugged each other and I choked out......That is what Christ and Christmas is all about. We got into our warm Denali and drove off. Satisfied! As we passed our new friend, we honked and waved and prayed that he would make it safely to Colorado. It was foggy that night, but our vision was CLEAR. Jesus is the reason for the season.

Pay if Forward

2011-01-03T14:30:00.001-06:00

     I have missed writing here. I have been in a funky mood.   No money, much pressure to provide, etc.
My friend Elaine ordered some Mary Kay from me and I felt I wanted to meet her in Grand Island, kind of half way for both of us. I felt that Justice and I could spend the day together and then hang out with Elaine, and my parents. Make it a day for his birthday. Dec. 9th was his birthday, but his friend was having a Air Soft Gun Party on Friday (which he had a blast) and so Saturday I promised him a date night.
     I hadn't been speaking to Ron for about a week or so, but I was starting to soften. I asked if he wanted to go along. We tried to wake up Shai but she "didn't hear us". Justice asked Karrea to make sure she had her hat and gloves because it was extremely cold out. She started throwing a fit, and when I told her she wasn't going, the kicking and screaming started. I looked at Justice and said, LET'S GO.  I wasn't in the mood to DEAL with Attitude that wasn't positive. I mean, really. I can barely stand to be around myself when I am full of "attitude".
     Justice's favorite place to eat is Country Pride in Alda. Ron and I discovered it traveling back and forth on the interstate from Hasting to Kearney when there was so much construction in HWY 6/34.
     Its all you can eat. Yep. You order off the menu, for ex. Hamburger and fries. You want another hamburger or fries, the waitress (in this case a waiter) will bring you another plate. J.D. was salivating. I have a hard time containing myself because I really want breakfast food. All you can eat pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast, etc. Oh, That is PURE HEAVEN for me.
Alas, I had a chopped sirloin, baked potato, and vegetable, and salad. I tried to be good, UNTIL the Strawberry Shortcake came out with ice cream and whipped topping.
     Justice was kind enough to share. That was the waiter's way of saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN. We were both surprised, it even had a burning candle on top. SWEET! We enjoyed every bite. He was so full he didn't have room to finish his second round of fries. OH Darn! It was getting time to meet Elaine so I gave the waiter my debit card. He said "It's already taken care of" I said, No it isn't! He repeated himself....."It's already taken care of!" and then he pointed to the man sitting diagonal from us.
     I saw the man come in about 15 minutes earlier. He was a BIG, DARK, and TALL MAN. He had a DEEP VOICE, wasn't from around these parts. Huge Gold Necklaces around his neck, dark sunglasses still stylin on his face. He sounded like he was from Miami, or Brooklyn. He had is fingerless gloves still on too. Mind you, it was 12 degrees below zero with the wind biting everything that wasn't covered! I turned around in AW. I thanked him profusely. That was an extra 20.00 in my pocket. Justice and I talked with him for about 15 min. Found out he was from Miami, he owned his own trucking company, drives for a Utah company, (that is funny)and he has four boys of his own.
     What a blessing he was for us that day. It re-established that there are good people out in the world....STILL. Oh, and never judge a book by its cover (or stature! lol) It made me want to PAY IT FORWARD. Do you have a PAY IT FORWARD story?

Thanksgiving Fun

2010-12-03T15:52:00.000-06:00

A tradition I have started in the Matson family is that I give Thanks Giving Gifts. I started this a few years ago. It was so my family could see that I was truly thankful for them, even though I tend to be on the demanding side of the spectrum. In the past I have given "things". This year I gave them money. They got to pick out their own "things". Because of the money, it forced us to be together, and get along. I LOVED IT! We went where ever the kids wanted to check out the deals. We also went out for Pizza, Pop and Bread sticks. I think we had a wonderful night. If money was no object, I would do that every week!

We got home from the running around and as a "team" we started preparing for the family to be here the next day. It was Thanksgiving. We were fixing the Turkey mom sent home with us. I fixed a chocolate cream, strawberry cream, and Key Lime Pie. The kids got the potatoes scrubbed, peeled and cut, soaking in cold water. Ron peeled and cut up the carrots (we had 4 lbs of carrots, I told him we had some at home, but he didn't believe me :D) I baked the rolls, and made cheesy beans. Rachelle brought the pies (apple and pumpkin) and the relish tray (broccoli, carrots, haha, tomatoes and celery). Mom made the stuffing, scalloped corn, and sweet potato pie. We ate buffet style. I'm so glad, because then I didn't have the food staring at me the whole time. You had to GET UP and get the food if you wanted more. One plate was enough for me. I was so proud of myself. I made 2 kinds of mashed potatoes, one with butter and 1% milk and 1 with chicken broth. You know which one I ate. It was all so delicious.

Lyle, Russell, Rachelle, Lucas, mom, and dad, Shai, Justice, Karrea, Ron and I were here for lunch, and then later on Michael, Dana and Keagan showed up for family time. The guys watched a football game and the girls played dice and Hokie 6. We I believe, had a lovely day. We had a ham in the evening.

Dad needed to rest and mom was feeling sick so they headed off around 8 or so. As a family we sat around and watched a movie and enjoyed the rest of the evening.

Friday we sat around ALL DAY and watched movies and ate left overs. This is where I got in trouble. I could not resist mom's stuffing. It kept calling my name. Good thing I had a week to work it off. I ended up losing .2 lbs. I tried really hard to be good most days. It is frustrating......its like once you start on the "goodies" its hard to stop.

Monday I ended up making a turkey layer casserole to get "rid" of the left overs. Tuesday I made a hash brown casserole with the left over ham. They were both really good. (turkey gravy, stuffing, gravy, potatoes and sliced cheese, bake in the oven til hot. Frozen hash browns, cream of celery soup, a little bit of milk, some cheese and ham, bake in the oven for 50 minutes in 375 oven, like funeral potatoes.

What a great week. I feel really blessed. Its hard not having money for Christmas this year, but as usual we will survive and we will be better people. It's not the money anyway right? Its about Who we are Celebrating.

Happy Holidays Everyone.
Please share a Holiday Tradition with me!

Great weather

2010-11-16T10:31:00.000-06:00

I have been very thankful for good weather this fall season. This past year financially hasn't been as stable as last year. I know why, but it's not my place to do anything. This is Ron's lesson to learn. In the mean time I pray that God grants us the funds to at least do what we NEED to do. I talked to my dad on Saturday about these latter days. He quoted scripture (which is kind of nice for a change) If You do what is right, the Lord will take care of you, is basically what he said. if I do what is right. All of us have to do our part. This is the Thanksgiving season. I feel like I need to tell my Heavenly Father Thank YOU for all of the many blessings I have.
1. A warm home, even if it does take a space heater in a bedroom or two
2. Space to have kids playing, even if its running and they fall
3. Money to do a few things that I like to do, like get my nails painted
4. Healthy kids. An occasionally cold, or flu, but no major surgeries, or injuries
5. Internet. I received a few emails from Adrienne, and even though she is over a thousand miles away, I can still "hear" from her.
6. My Church Calling. I have been able to do quite a few baptisms and work for my kindred dead. I'm sure it wouldn't have been done if I was the Family History Center Director. They would still be names on a page and not in a computer.
7. Temples to do the work. I love to feel the Saviors love in the temple. I love that you can Feel people in the temple. (like Shai feeling Granny place her hand on her knee and saying I'M HAPPY). I love the peaceful feelings you get in a world of turmoil. I pray that God will bless me with the money to keep attending.
8. I'm grateful that I do have a job. It has been really rough watching two babies that are teething and not liking life right now. I pray that God changes me, or God changes them.
9. I am grateful for computer games. I would be absolutely insane if I didn't have anything to do. i don't watch T.V. its usually on PBS all day or Karrea has free reign of the showings.
10. I'm grateful for Netflix, that helps me have instant streaming of movies and shows without the storage of video's and if I don't like it I don't watch it and I don't feel like I wasted my money. What a great find for 9.00 a month. I was spending about 500.00 a year just on DVD's now they come in the mail, or instant on computer or Blu-Ray
11. I'm Grateful for R.com. We had dial up for years. So grateful that they got a tower out here in the boonies. What a huge blessing. I have been able to watch Conference at home. YAY.
12. I'm grateful that God has given me strength in my weaknesses. I have lost 20 pounds since the middle of August. I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for his loving guidance in what I should eat. I know that sounds dumb, but when you have struggled for as long as I have (24 years) you would appreciate God's gift.
I have more things that I'm grateful for but its time to get lunch started.
I hope everyone has a Wonderful Thanksgiving Day.
My brothers Roger, Russell and Lyle are invited to come, and my mom and dad are too. We have a small menu planned, and games to enjoy each other's company with.

MOVING

2010-11-05T11:16:00.001-05:00

We got news back in the spring that Christopher's family lost their job in Colorado and was relocating to Pennsylvania. I knew right there and then that Chris and Adrienne would be moving. The pressure and pull from that family is too great to withstand.
Guess what? I was right.
Saturday night we met the Adrienne and Chris at Subway East after the leadership meeting at the church. (good thing it was on strengthening the youth and being supportive parents). Chris whispered in Adrienne's ear and then told us that they were moving.
I looked at Ron very sadly and said "I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD BE MOVING" They didn't believe that I had predicted that. Actually I strongly believe that God whispered it to me so that I wouldn't be in TOTAL SHOCK when they told me. I wasn't Shocked, but I was upset. My first thought was.......now I don't get to be the grandma that I wanted to be. Second thought was......how dare the Pinchaks pressure these kids to follow them. Give them a mind of their own.
We got home and visited a bit. Shai had her play that night, the Wizard of Oz. Knowing that Adrienne wouldn't have much time left with her siblings I asked Adrienne if she would go and pick up Shai, she declined which put me in a BAD MOOD. Does she realize the magnitude of her time away from Nebraska. I don't think she grasps the concept that it will be YEARS before we are all together again.
I spun out in the Denali. Needless to say, I was pretty upset. I know that selfishness runs in this family deep, but come on!
I barked all the way when Shai was in the car. How can someone be so inconsiderate? (well, I think it comes with age)
Sunday I got up at 8:30 and got ready for Church. It was state conference. A lot of things were weighing on my mind. I wanted to see if someone had the answers for me. No one was stirring in the house, so I left without them. I found a soft seat on the stage and got my notebook out. All of the talks were targeted for temple attendance. Shona Heim talked about how we can be emotionally stable to receive these blessings. I am grateful for this talk. I didn't catch the tail end of it because that is when Ron and Karrea interrupted me and my train of hearing. (UGH-NEVER FAILS). I thanked God for the little peace and quiet I did have and got to hear the message that was written for ME.
After Church we went to the pizza place and met my parents. They didn't go to conference due to a new medicine Bev is on, but they still came down to see Shai in the play. We enjoyed our visit. I vented about the kids moving. Mom was saddened too. She told me she knew what it was like because Miranda is so far away. (in walla walla Washington)
We went to the play and enjoyed it. We got home and had strawberry shortcake for Karrea's 5th birthday and enjoyed seeing her smile and laugh and open her gifts. She got 3 skirt outfits, 3 rooms for her dollhouse, and a computer CD and 5.00 from my parents. She got a giant coloring book and a bag of pens from Adrienne. Shai got her a movie and so did Justice. I bought her a few from Hasting......where the wild things grow, furry vengeance, and camp rock. (I'm missing something, haha) We had a good visit. Adrienne and Chris said they would try to make it for Thanksgiving....I highly doubt that...there was something in HIS voice. (mom noticed it too)
Mom and dad ventured home, dad forget his insulin at home. Shai got ready to trick or treat. I told her she didn't need to but she paid her dad to take her clear across town to Taylor's home. (I thought she should stay home and visit with Chris and Adrienne, but I think she was hurt by Adrienne's lack of enthusiasm the night before.)
It came time for Adrienne to leave for home and Karrea said we would be up to visit them. I corrected her and said we won't be able to see Adrienne again. She was moving far far away. Karrea thought that 2 movies was far enough and it was doable. I said.......No, they are moving to Pennsylvania and we wouldn't be able to visit them for a few years. She would probably be 10 by the time we got to visit with them again. Karrea started to cry. (Just like me Saturday). Then she got angry (just like me Sunday). It was hard seeing her be so sad knowing that is how I feel too.
So it is what it is. They are moving on to bigger and better things. I understand it. We have nothing to offer them. We can't help them temporally or spiritually or emotionally. Why stay in Nebraska when there is so much world out there to see. I wish them well now. I am hoping I can save enough money to go there next May and visit. Maybe take Shai with me. We shall see. Bottom line, I'm sure is, I'm jealous, I wished it was me that was going on a new adventure. We are hoping they will be here for Thanksgiving, to say goodbye to my brothers and cousins.

*****UPDATE.......I got a text Friday the 5th saying they were moving the 6th........I cried for days. I have prayed for strength, even bore my testimony, many sisters came up to me and gave me a hug and said they would pray for me. I have literally felt their prayers for me. Some people view me as TOO emotional, some people think I can DO IT ALL......I'm just grateful that God grants me what I need because HE KNOWS ME most of all. we didn't get to say goodbye. This family is really hurt. Hopefully together we can work it out!

Avoiding Anger

2010-11-04T13:33:00.000-05:00

"We’ve all felt anger. It can come when things don’t turn out the way we want. It might be a reaction to something which is said of us or to us. We may experience it when people don’t behave the way we want them to behave. Perhaps it comes when we have to wait for something longer than we expected. We might feel angry when others can’t see things from our perspective. There seem to be countless possible reasons for anger….If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry."

--Thomas S. Monson, "School Thy Feelings, O My Brother", Ensign, Nov 2009, 62, 67–69

Boy did I need this one.
I would pay myself a million dollars if I could conquer this weakness. So far I'm doing a lot better with the eating. I have prayed every night asking for strength and then thanking Heavenly Father for the strength and energy to get through the day. I have gone to bed hungry most days but that is okay. I have "lived". I think this anger one will be more to get over. I get tried at least a dozen times a day due to
1. Expectations not met within myself
2. daycare kids that don't listen
3. my 5 year old not listening, and my two other children
4. not being understood by my husband regularly
5. fussy babies
6. frustrations with people that "should know better" in society
I feel all of those things that Pres. Monson stated.
Now....I wonder if there is a follow up on HOW NOT TO.......
that would be nice
the only CURE I see is just living by myself. then I can conquer my own expectations and live in lala land.
Is that possible?

Attitude of Gratitude

2010-10-12T10:40:00.000-05:00

Once again at conference time we are reminded to be grateful for what we have. I have had some time to reflect and do just that.
Last Thursday after reading an email saying that "China will probably own us in the next years" I felt impressed to pull out of my Roth IRA. It wasn't making any money (then) and Ron has been pressuring me to quit putting into it because we just didn't have the money to do it. *I felt we had no choice. With his parents close to retirement, and no investments or SS, and my folks "struggling" I am a little scared to not invest on something for the future.
I made the call to our "broker" and cashed out.
2 hours later I get a phone call from Ron telling me his work van was in the shop. The transmission went out. 1842.89 is what he will need to get it out. I just wanted to cry.
I guess I am grateful that we did have the money to fix it.
I have been struggling all my life with weight. Food. Its not the weight I have a problem with its the over eating of certain foods. Mostly breads. Now i have been known to put a pan of brownies away, Deniese Jessops cake, I can eat half of that, rice krispie treats, and I used to make indoor smores, ate the whole pan, and I have eaten a whole pan of monkey bread too, won't touch the stuff now. LOL!
I have been known to eat a whole pizza pie too. I don't know where I put it. I think my butt cheeks are hollow?
I have fervently prayed to God to help me in this weakness. I have felt his strength as I battle daily to keep within my points range from weight watchers. I mean Battle. I lost the battle a few times last week, but I'm hoping I'm back on track (note to self, do not go to Godfathers pizza buffet and then eileen's cookies for dessert because GF was out of theirs)
Also note to self, get the double fiber bread, one it tastes like card board, and two it does fill you up and you won't be tempted to snack on it all day! :D
I know I don't always ACT grateful. I look around and see all the blessings I do have.
Thank you God for
Good friends, internet and local
Food and self discipline
Family and laughter
Scripture and Prayer
Home and Cars that run
A great hair straightener :D
Health and strength
Energy to smile everyday and take care of
everyones needs.
Thank you! I am grateful that Ron is feeling better about life too.

Bullied!

2010-10-05T15:33:00.003-05:00

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

Dan has touched my life. I will never be able to write as he has. I don't wish to compete. Maybe with me writing it will heal even more "things" in my heart.

I was bullied. (where is that box of Kleenex?)
I was the new kid in the family. I remember being called names. "snitch witch", "dog", "ugly mutt", "quit staring", those are just some of the welcoming committee's words to me. I realize they were only 10 and 11 but why would you do that to a little girl?

{I remember being in foster care. I remember the smell of urine in the bedroom I stayed in. It wasn't from me. It was from my boy "cousin". I remember being dirty from mud pies. I remember bologna sandwiches and fruit pies almost daily.
I remember being loved! I felt loved! I felt wanted! My uncle would let me ride on his lap in his vehicle.}

This bullying (abuse) lasted for years! 10 years! My heart aches as I recall the feelings I endured. I would be pushed down on the way to kindergarten, I would cry so hard I would wake up off the ground and wonder where I was. Of course I would be late for school then.

In fourth grade it got sexual. Abuse. I was only 9 years old, maybe 10. It defined who I was to become. I felt ashamed, alone, dirty, cheap, wasted, but only time I felt "loved" was with that kind of attention. That was the only time they were "nice" to me. All I ever wanted was for someone to be nice to me. (I think I just said that just a few weeks ago. whaaaaaaaaaa)

The abuse stopped. YAY. 5th grade. the 14 and 15 year old went to live with their dad.

Then bullying started at school. What the heck! Shelly was her name. I was minding my own business on the swings. She was kicking mud at me. My mom was going to kill me. I can still hear her..........Don't ruin those pants! Do you think we are made of money? (I went to school a few times crying because of the yelling in the morning and the principle called home. that was the last time I let ANYONE know the truth) I had hell to pay when I got home.

I got off the swing, doubled up my fist and closed my eyes! POW....contact! I bloodied her nose. She wailed and the teachers came over to her rescue. I was dubbed the bully. Good thing it was the last day of school. My favorite teacher reprimanded me, without getting the whole story and broke my heart. I didn't speak to him again (until I was an adult).

I remember going to my aunts house when I was in 7th grade and a Mexican girl was calling me names and picking fights with me trying to kick me I grabbed her leg and she went down. I got in trouble for bullying her.

In 8th grade we moved to Wichita Kansas. A lot of the black girls made me their target. I remember running down the hall after chemistry class for a week or two. To her defence, I did tell her to "clam it, I can't hear the teacher". I guess I deserved that bully session. I got to the point of who cares anyway! I was tired of being the target. I was going to stand up for myself. That is when my mouth got me in trouble.

I never picked a target and bullied them. What I did do is stand up for ME. Shanon. I knew that no one else was. Over the years, it has been apparent that NO ONE will stand up for me. My parents asked us at Christmas vacation if we would like to move back to Grand Island, I voted YES!

9th Grade I could see differences in teachers. They weren't bully's so to speak, but you could see that they were sugar sweet to those who "butt kissed" them. That is not right either. If you ask my opinion. My drama teacher in Walnut Jr High was the worst.   No matter what I did, I didn't fit in.

I had boy friends who only wanted one thing. I tried to be "good". I also was exposed to one of the boys moving back to the home.

One night I wrote a note to my dad. I was going to try and explain why i was going to run away. My step mom found that letter.   She proceeded to tell me I was delusional. I was making up a story and that I wasn't pregnant. If I told my dad I would be in big trouble. I think she feared what would happen to her son.

10th grade I was the new girl in two different schools. In Trenton the girls hated me because I was "blonde and cute" so the boys told me. I remember one night of homecoming. The girls were going "to get me". The spirit overwhelmed me. My parents were not home. I didn't know what to do. I prayed that God would protect me from being taken out in the country and tarred and feathered. I saw the mustang driving up the school yard. Panick! I prayed. I got the strength to open that back door to the boys locker room.............My knight in shining armor. Ken was just heading out the door. He was my boyfriend. A kind and gentle "boy". He was so kind and gentle the kids called him gentle Ben. He saved me. HE told the girls to buzz off and then took me in his arms as I shook like a tree in a hurricane.

I moved to McCook 2 months later and I had to start all over again. I felt like I was getting beat up against an ocean wall! The cute girl phase only lasted 2 days. These kids grew up with each other. They didn't want anyone new in on their turf! Most of all the girls didn't want me "stealing" their boys. (oh my heck)

I was snubbed at work. The worst part about it, my step mom worked there and was friends with them all. I had no where to turn. My home was not a safe haven. My school was not a nice place. I clung to a few teachers that found me interesting and helped me learn and grow. They were nice to me. Thank you Mr. Datus and Mrs. Datus. Mr. Gordon saw potential in me when it came to athletics and talked me into the swim team. There I found good friends. I even recruited my friends so we would have a fun place to hang out.

My Junior year some girls were yelling obscenities at me and my boyfriend. Calling me fat and ugly. I yelled at them the same thing..........'If anyone is a fat, ugly **tch' its you! All of you!' I felt pretty good finally standing up to those girls who were so worried as to whose 501 jeans were smaller than who. That is the only reason I know what size I wore, 29. I was fat and ugly. I admit that, but I was not a "**tch". LOL! Those three girls, I think still to this day are known as being that way. They bullied me for a whole year.

I got to school on Monday and almost the whole senior class was waiting to kick my butt. My friends wouldn't even be around me because they were afraid they would be the target too. I can't even count how many times I ran to work or home, outrunning the crowd of girls that were waiting for me. My boyfriend was from a small town just outside of McCook. If it wasn't for him I would have killed myself. His family was really good to me too.

I tried to tell my step mom what was going on. She was friends with these girls at work. She basically said I deserved it. Get over it! Its really a miracle that I don't hate her.

I think it is the gospel of Jesus Christ that keeps my feet from being 6 feet under. I tried to run away at the age of 12, 14, and at 16 I tried to smother myself.

I did take the abuse out on myself. I never felt worthy of any nice boy liking me. I never felt worthy to have a calling. I never felt like I could speak with the tongue of angels. All that ever came out of my mouth was "lies", and "manipulation".

I tried to cry loud! I never wanted to hurt anyone, I just wanted all the hurt to go away and heard that Heaven was a great place to live!

I feel like Dan. I feel like I have had to put on a pretty face.

What have I learned? I will have the courage to stand for truth and righteousness.

One turning point in my life. I was 27 years old. WE lived in Satan's Lot in Kearney. He wanted to evict us for a 2.00 late charge fee not paid. I tried to talk to him, but him being a male chauvinist wanted to talk to Ron. Ron didn't want to talk to him and never did talk to him. We got an eviction notice. I begged Ron to go over and talk to Earl. NOPE. The girls in the back of the car were fighting and I lost it. I just started wailing on Ron. I felt like I was fighting against an Evil force and the ONE person who could change our situation was too chicken to do it. Ron grabbed me by the shirt and called me a "Psycho **itch from hell!"

I calmly walked out of the car. Locked all the doors, put the couch in front of the door and went to the medicine cabinet and took everything that was in there. I have no clue what all I took. I called my work and told Stacy I wouldn't be in to work EVER. I laid in bed. I could feel my breathing become shallow. I could see Shai's little face in my thoughts (she wasn't very old). I felt tears flow from my eyes. All I remember next was Ron shaking me. He took me to the bathroom and made my stick my finger down my throat to get the pills out.

I heard sirens. I sat in the bathroom sobbing. I locked myself in the bathroom. 'Leave me alone, I don't want to be here anymore!' I heard a familiar voice. It was Scott. Kyla's brother. He talked me into opening the door. I hated that he had to see me like that. I was a mess. Mascara running down my face. The only cute thing about a bawling Shanon is that her eyes turn green instead of just hazel. Everything else is red and swollen, and not pretty. Not in the least!

I was placed in the ambulance and taken to Good Samaritan. I had two choices. Take the charcoal cocktail or have my stomach pumped. I chose the cocktail.

I had a Mennonite angel nurse who saw that Ron and Bev were doing me no good with their "lovely" attitudes and words of "encouragement" so she shewed them both out of my room. She did let my Bishop and former bishop enter. I just kept saying, 'let me go. I don't want to be here! let me go!' She held my hand, told me how beautiful I was.

These men placed their hands on my head. I know ONE thing I heard! "Shanon, you and God made promises to each other. When you have fulfilled those promises........HE WILL TAKE YOU HOME."

There was no more darkness in that ER room. There was light! I looked up at that nurse and said.........'What do I do to get out of here?' She hugged me TIGHT.

I got dressed and because I tried to end my life, the state took over and said I needed to spend time in a psycho ward.

I have a purpose. Until the purposes of my being here are fulfilled, I will do what I'm asked to do.

I will stand for truth and righteousness, even if it means I'm not being popular. I'm forty two years old. I still get bullied. I get bullied at church, by my neighbors, by my family even. It is hard to be here. 80% of me doesn't want to be here anymore. If I could I would wave a magic wand and disappear. Only God has that "right". I will wait for his timing!

i don't always KNOW the purpose of me being here,  but obviously there is one. I'm still here. (dang).

What's going on?

2010-09-23T15:02:00.002-05:00

A lot of thoughts have been going through my mind. As you can tell by my previous posts. I have come to the conclusion that Ron is facing a midlife crisis and I'm going to have to be brave enough to help him out of it. FINE! Do I have any other choice? I don't see any good looking stripling Warrior coming to my rescue, so Here I am. Is this my destiny? Well, its not what I thought I signed up for, What do I know?
A lot of my online friends said its a matter of hormones. I know what its like for me. It gets pretty rough about 1-3 days a month for me. I don't cramp at all. I have NEVER really had physical symptoms. Mine have Always been emotional.
I pray that I can help Ron through this time. I believe that my problem is I don't have enough Faith in myself or him to get through this. My online friends said this is usually the time that couples get divorced. I can see why. I tend to take his problems out of myself. I always have done that. The bottom line is Ron needs me to be here for him. Good thing I liked to be needed. I also like to be loved, appreciated, and respected. Maybe we can both work together.
Speaking of working together. Friday Shai doesn't have school and she said she would be willing to baby sit. Karrea and Justice are the only ones that will be here. It will give me the opportunity to help Ron in Hastings tomorrow and Saturday. We have the Community Theater to clean, and then our Friend Ruthie called. I'm so grateful she called. I was so worried that we offended her by checking out one of her houses that was for sale without her full disclosure. (her worker was there and not her). She lost her husband last summer to cancer I believe. I don't know how to bring it up, or what. I do pray for her. Maybe I just need to let her know that.
Saturday we have a hair salon that needs us. Oh, and tonight Kevin needs us to clean one of his apartments in Axtell. Amazing what happens when you pay tithing (well, at least most of it, I'm sure he'll get caught up this weekend at church).
Fear! I fear he won't pay tithing (government conspiracy), then we lose our house, he loses his jobs, and we go DOWN UNDER. Fear. I have Faith in God. I don't have Faith in Ron following through on what NEEDS to be done to receive blessings. I fear that for myself too. Just in different ways. FEAR. I fear that my computer has a virus. It usually does around this time every year. FEAR. I don't fear death. I actually look forward to it. is that weird? Fear. I don't like it! It controls a lot of people.

I would feel loved if......

2010-09-14T15:11:00.002-05:00

1. You said couple prayer with me.
2. Take the reigns on getting the family together for FHE
3. Take the lead on Family scripture study
4. Take the lead on Family Prayer
5. Would decide what chores you want to help out around the house.
6. Do your "chores" with out me asking. Just like you don't have to ask me to clean the house or do the laundry or even fix supper.
7. You would take me on a date. Not just walmart. Maybe a restaurant, or a park, or the movies.
8. Pay for said date without complaining and pay a healthy tip without complaint.
9. Take me to Winter Quarters once a month
10. Get me a glass of water once in awhile with only 5 pieces of ice. (my teeth are sensitive, lol)
11. Help me clean out the car when we get home from a long trip
12. Laugh and smile when we are in the car for a long trip. Talk to me, even.
13. Follow the rules of driving, on the road, not the shoulder, lol!
14. Take the kids out on a date. Get to know them. You know Castle better than you know Shai.
15. Hug and kiss me, all the time, not just when you want something.
16. You said it once in awhile
17. Listen to me. Don't make me repeat myself 5 times 10
18. Buy me a gift once in awhile.
19. Ask me if I need anything
20. Clean up after yourself.

what rocks my world

2010-09-14T15:02:00.002-05:00

I think one of my problems in life is I don't know what would make me happy. I know that nobody can make me happy. Its MY CHOICE to be happy. I was hoping there were some things that do make me happy. I will choose to list them just for a reminder when I feel unhappy, i can see, that I should be happy.
1. I love to play the piano
2. I love to teach lessons
3. I love to talk on the computer to my "imaginary friends"
4. I love to help people. physically, and emotionally and spiritually
5. I love to cook if and when I have the ingredients.
6. I love to see my children achieve their goals
7. I love to see my children smile
8. I love to spend money on my children
9. I love to have a clean house
10. I love a clean kitchen.
11. I love my bathroom clean
12. I love my bedroom organized
13. I love to make cards for other people
14. I love to read my scriptures
15. I love to be with my kids when they are getting along
16. I love to help Ron with his business, I also like to get paid a minimum for my services too, and not just in "trade"
17. I love to watch a good chic flick movie
18. I l0ve to see love blossom
19. I love to hold my new born babies
20. I love to eat. I hate dieting. I would really really really happy if I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted.
21. I love to blare my radio on my denali with the windows rolled town and the top open
22. I love having plenty of money (well, I wouldn't know what that really feels like)
23. I love when My friends help me out emotionally. I don't have friends that help me physically. Last time was 2008 when the hail took out the west side of our house.
24. I love to make people laugh.
25. I love to be the answer to someones prayers.
26. I love to color in a color book
27. I love to get my toe nails done and my finger nails done
28. I love wearing new clothes
29. I love being where God needs me to be
30. I love being a good friend
31. I love singing alto
32. I love chinese food
33. I love the color PINK
34. I loved to be loved. But I don't quite know what that is supposed to feel like.

"Let It Be" The Beatles cover

2010-09-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

Dear God

2010-09-02T13:14:00.002-05:00

I am entering a time in my life that is all too familiar. I'm at home. With Daycare. With a four year old that is mine. I am home, changing poopy pants, and wiping runny noses. I am home alone to talk to toddlers. If I raise my voice too high, i get the lip shivers from the 3 year old. If I don't run fast enough to make the 8 oz formula bottle at the right temp, I'm screamed at. If I don't drop everything I'm doing, or leave the room, my four year old hollars for me and wakes up the sleeping kids.
Give me strength.
I am entering a time of NO CASH FLOW again. Just when I get a few bucks, I have to spend it.
Just when I think my car is Smoking Hot, my car is smoking and needs repairs.
Just when I think my 12 year old is converting to being Nice to four year old, a bad mood creeps in.
Just when I think my 15 year old is going to turn 16, there is a huge blow out on the satanic side and I think someone is going to lose something more than an Ipod.
Just when I think my husband is wearing his BIG BOY PANTS and can run his own business he has a break down and slams doors and I'm here to pick up the splinters.
Dear God. Give me strength!
Dear Father.......guide me!
Dear Heavenly Father......Bless me!
Help me to breath and get enough sleep so I can have energy to DEAL! And not just survive, thrive.
Help me to Help the ones in my family.
Thank you God for everything!

Gramee Shay

2010-08-31T12:39:00.002-05:00

Is what you might get to call me in 2011. Adrienne called me and told me she went to the dr. the day before to see why she was throwing up all the time. I mentioned on Facebook that she might be pregnant. She denied it! haha! She said the Chris cried when he found out they were going to have a baby. That is sweet. I asked who all they told.....Everyone! She says. She had already told her dad and siblings, I was last in line to know. That is cool! :(

I told her she could have her baby swing and pack and play and crib, she said......MOM I won't need it until April. Okay. Whatever. Most people get the nursery ready before hand. Fine with me.

I think its only a matter of time when they pack up and move to PA. The Lord has told me its going to happen. I vote for Kearney, but Chris assures me he'd never live in Kearney.

I just need to sit back and wait now. I think 43 is too young to be a gramee though! haha! I do have cellulite and a nice soft tummy to lay on! I guess I'll be okay! haha

Home from Utah

2010-08-25T09:39:00.002-05:00

Monday I spent the day with my mom and dad and my step brother Lyle. I got up around 9:00 am. I didn't feel like showering. We were off to McDonalds for breakfast. I had a mcskillet wrap like mom did. It was okay. I don't know if I would "spend" the points on it again. It was fun to hear those three converse. (I was half asleep)
We took Lyle to the City Hall where he could get his paperwork fixed for his back surgery and housing. I really enjoy being around Lyle. He is a funny guy. He is hoping to go to school and get a degree in Radio Broadcast. There we saw the "repo" man from the car lot. Small world again!
We got home and we enjoyed each other. I put my pictures on the computer, not realizing the printer deleted my SD card, so I have no pictures of the wedding we were just at. I told dad NOT to delete from Computer until I can retrieve them. Lets hope he obeys. LOL! When I get a picture I'll share!
Off to Lunch we go. Burger King this time. MY TREAT. I got a chicken salad. To sit there with a double whopper and fries wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I was grateful for my restraint. ?Did it pay off? not really. I maintained my weight.....Nothing lost, nothing gained! I guess I'll be happy! I was pretty swollen by all the diet stuff I drank and sitting for so long.
Dana came over with her little guy Keagan. He is a sweetie! He is afraid of me though.

Someday that will change. His 1st Birthday party is Saturday and I'm at the State Fair in the Heaven's Best Carpet Cleaning Booth. Hopefully it will work out with the kids.

I ended up taking a nap on dad's bed again. I woke up around 4:00. I finally ventured off to Kearney as the weather was getting nasty. No air conditioner, so I was hot and the windows were getting foggy. Rain coming in because the windows had to be down. I got home and the kids were watching tv in the Living Room, Ron and Karrea were in the Bedroom. Shai and Justice and I talked. About 45 min later I think Ron comes out, and says HI. Karrea had some out about 10 min after I got home.........MOMMY.........YOU'RE HOME!!!!

So needless to say, I have a chip on my shoulder still. Ron's tv is more important than me being gone for almost a whole week. I know......forgive and forget, but I'm not quite there yet! I think I only talked to him twice while I was gone. I hate to talk to him on the phone, its like talking to a wall.......he just doesn't like to talk. haha!

I have been home and cleaning and daycaring! Except for my hurt feelings about Ron, we are doing good!
I still need set apart from my new calling as Relief Society Assistant. I was asked to help on a project and hopefully I can receive the blessing before I start. I'll need it! LOL!!

I am happy doing the Lord's work!

trip to Utah

2010-08-23T10:08:00.003-05:00

So mom and I get dropped off in the Hastings Am Trak Depot at 1:30 am. Bad news. Mark, the desk person tells us the Train is 3 hours late. That put us on 120 year old wood benches that have arm rests ever two 1/2 ft apart. So.....sitting erect, tired, after 3 1/2 hours our backs were killing us. We were kind of lost as to what we were going to do for those hours.....stare at each other? We had 15 hours on the train, would we run out of things to say? I told mom up front if I talk to much, tell me to ZIP IT. (she never told me to, but I'm sure she wanted to). (my wake up time was 7:00 am and I was on the go full speed all day) It was fun teasing Mark.

At the train station was a very large man. People say I have never met a stranger, I can talk to anyone, so we did. For 3 1/2 hours we talked with the MAN who was riding the train to Denver to pick up a pickup for the car dealer he works for. First thought was REPO man, and then he assured us He wasn't, in this case. later on we found out that he worked for the same car lot that mom just bought her intrepid from. LOL! Small world.

I think I got 2 hours of sleep on the train, off and on, collectively.
Food consisted of Dt. Pepsi, and an orange. (spent 22.00)
Then mom purchased two snicker bars. Another Dt. Pepsi. later on I bought a bag of trail mix.
We got into Grand Junction around 7:15 pm. Garth and Angie met up with us and we ventured off to Golden Coral. There I was good too. A little bit of protein, a spinach salad, some fruit for dessert and a splurg on Crab salad. Everyone said I made them look bad! Luckily I had a great weigh in and didn't want to blow it. 5.2 pound lost.

We got to Blanding at Midnight. I took the bedroom downstairs where there was a huge mountain lion on the wall. I was taking my shirt off over by the HUGE antlers and my sleeve got caught on it and I pulled the Head out of the wall. OH MY HECK, do I have the worst luck ever? It smelled like urine down there, I couldn't tell if it was the heads, or the bodies, or what. Luckily I prayed myself to sleep so I wouldn't be bothered by it.

Morning came quickly! UGH. I was sleeping in the bedroom I was in when I lived there 24 years ago. It was a little creepy when I heard the familiar footsteps on the living room floor right above my head.

Breakfast was blueberry pancakes, I think I had 2 small ones. Shower time was fun. Luckily I brought my own towel. haha.

I found the smell, it was a smelly diaper in the diaper pail.........smelled like it had been there for months.........I can still smell, it! But I came to the rescue and tossed it outside! YAY FOR ME.

We got busy getting the reception ready. Three irons were going. Ashlee (Sam's Ashlee) and I got to tying bows for the awnings, and wherever they were planned for (didn't do any good the wind blew them away, haah) Mom, Angie and Ashlee (Thayne's Ashlee) stood and ironed, with me taking a few turns for 7 hours. 50 chair covers, 50 sashes, 10 huge round table clothes, 3 huge 10 foot table clothes, and more. Whew! Our backs were really hurting us and I could feel it in my knees.

We got a break when we went to the store but as I was getting into the back of Angies sports honda, I think I blew a knee. It has been swollen ever since. I'm really scared that my knees will never heal. I walk like i'm 100 years old now. No insurance so no dr for me.

That was day one. Topped off with an ice cream cone. Lunch was a ham and cheese sandwich and supper was a hamburger off the grill.

Friday we spent the day getting tables and chairs set up and toelle covering all the rope lights that the boys had put up. Wow. What a chore. Enjoyed every minute of it.

Lunch was ham and cheese sandwiches and supper was the same for me.

Saturday was the big day at the Monticello Temple. What a beautiful sight to see. I will never forget the beauty. I regret to say that I wished Adriennes was that beautiful. Love filled the air. Respect from all of the family. It was so awesome to feel the LOVE everyone had for each other. Even when cute little kids were screaming and running around, the Peace and love that was felt was very enjoyable. We ventured of the LightHouse Cafe and enjoyed a roast beef and potato dinner. Sat with Jens and enjoyed the conversation.

Mom and mostly hung around with Thayne (my buddy, STILL) and his wife Ashlee and their little man VANN. What a sweetheart! Smiley, Happy, barely had his feet touch the ground, everyone wanted to hold him. How Precious! Thayne, you done Good. I'm so proud of you! We headed home with them to get a head start on the reception. Pictures galore were taken, so Mom and I cleaned and polished, and put kids to work with punch, and cheese cake.

Had a blast.
I was exhausted. I did talk to a few people I knew.
I was hoping to meet up with Mitzy Bayles. Went to the store with Angie and sure enough in the dairy section there she was. I gave her a hug, we shared a few stories and now we are facebook friends. The other two friends I had in Blanding were Anita Shumway and Leann Lyman. Both have been gone for quite some time. They are my angel friends!

So at the reception I talked with Jody and Phil. Jody is Anita's sister and Phil is Leann's Sister. Tears were exchanged with hugs and I'm glad I got to be in Blanding with wonderful happy feelings.

I never got depressed once. It was so nice to be healed! And loved! And Accepted! I wasn't the pregnant girl! I was Shanon Matson.....mother of 4, daughter, wife to one. So nice

We left around 8:30 for Grand Junction on Sunday. The train was running about an hour late. We got to GJ and we were going to stop for lunch but felt impressed to just get to the station. Good thing because it was running about 45 min late, not an hour. Whew. I picked up a few snacks at the depot, the depot called passengers to line up, but I was no where in sight, Mom panicked and went looking for me. She came in the depot and I said very loud and clear........MOMMY, I have my big girl panties on today! I don't know if she was amused or not! LOL I was, and so were the 60+ passengers in line! LOL

We boarded the long journey home. We packed a small lunch, ham and cheese sandwiches, with sun chips and fruit roll ups. I purchased another dt pepsi and that amazing trail mix (3.50 for a few ounces) and I bought an orange. I tried really hard to be good in the eating department and set a good example! God is truly giving me strength and I'm letting Him! (light bulb moment)
The trip home went faster for me, but mom was really getting antsy. I think she was just bored with me. :D
(never seen so many mooners in my life. Of course, they were all men. UGH I would say......OH MY HECK that guy is slapping his bottome and mom said WHERE? We just laughed)

Got to Hastings around 2:30 am and I fell asleep in dads bed. It was good to be home.

August 6, 2010

2010-08-19T16:20:00.002-05:00

I really looked forward to this date. 22 years we have forgiven one another. 22 years we have tried to find the funny in the struggle of everyday life. 22 years we have tried to accept the things we cannot change in one another.

I was so excited to get the motel room, and spend time with my new friend Elaine. It was Elaine's 14 wedding anniversary the night before so we planned to hang out together. I can't tell you how much fun I had. It has been a long time since I have eaten until my guts were over flowing and my eyes were wet with tears of humor!

I tried new things that night. Hello, fried pickles? Road kill!? Cinnamon butter on sweet rolls. Wow. If I had all the money in the world I would eat at Texas Roadhouse Every night of the week. What a treat. The company was fun. I showed my true dorky colors trying to scare them off. I'm sure she texted her son to tell her she needed to get home so she could be rescued from the Dork Squad.

I had fun. I'm grateful God put new friends into my path. It made the drive to Omaha so worth it!
Thank you Elaine and Dan. ?When are you making it to Kearney??

August 6, 1988

2010-08-19T16:07:00.002-05:00

Is a day I will never forget.

1988 was a strange year for me. New Years Eve (1988) I was asked out on a date by my high school Crush. (I call him Crusher now). Chad Hackencamp. Blond Hair, Steely Blue Eyes, and a smile that could melt me too many times. I was going to give up all for that boy. I was going to get married in his church, move wherever he wanted. I was ready for an adventure. Leave school and pursue married life.

February of 1988. I was missing my fiance. I was needing direction in my life. Chad wanted me to stay in Cedar City and finish out my schooling. I had a year and 1/2 to go to get my degree in Physical Education. Student teaching was coming up. I panicked. I fasted and prayed for guidance. I wasn't worthy for an answer, but I did receive one. After getting up from my knees of prayer I turned the radio on and there was a song playing..........when you come to a fork in the road, chose your path, and you will be guided.

I got on the phone and told my mom I was coming home. I made all the arrangements I could. Packed up and headed home on the bus. I told Chad I was coming home and he was upset with me. He told me to stay. I didn't feel impressed to stay. We argued, I hung up on him, and he never really spoke to me after that.

I got home, tried to contact him, several times. It always ended in hurt feelings. Two weeks I tried. Finally I prayed again. I asked my brother Kevin to give me ride to Chads trailer. I was done. God gave me strength to give him all his stuff back. He didn't shed a tear. I didn't either, really. Kevin was there to hold my hand and help me through it.

Two weeks passed, I dated a couple of people here and there. Dennis Hall, Brian Stewart, flirted with a few boys, but nothing solid. I could feel the loneliness set in. Why was I prompted to come back to McCook Nebraska to struggle!

I broke down and called him. My mom brought his name up often. It was quite annoying. Boring is the word that came up to my mind every time she mentioned Ron Matson. "Oh, look how handsome he is" "Oh, he is just so nice" (mom, he doesn't even talk! ugh)

He was 20 minutes late for our date. He fell asleep in the tub. Great impression Ron. Great visual I had! haha!

Well, me and Mr. late for a date are still married. 22 years we have been late, and still chugging along!

So yes, to all those who want to know. I asked Ron to marry me. And he said YES!

Utah lesson

2010-08-19T14:26:00.003-05:00

She loves her mamma's lemonade
Hates the sound that goodbyes make
She prays one day she finds someone to Need her
She swears that there's no difference between the lies
and compliments
Its all the same, if everybody leaves her
Every magazine tells shes not good enough
The Pictures that she sees make her cry

She would change everything
Everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of Beautiful Disaster
She just needs some One to take her home

She's giving boys what they want
tries to act so nonchalant
afraid they'll see she lost her direction
she never stays the same for long
Assume that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen
She doesn't want to feel this way
Only seventeen n tired
(chorus)

She's just wishing, no one's told her that's okay

She would change everything
Everything, Just ask her
Caught in the in between of
Beautiful Disaster

She would Change everything for
Happy Ever After
Caught in the in between of
Beautiful Disaster
She just needs some ONE to take her home!

*********************************

On my way home on the train from Blanding Utah this song came on my ipod. Tears flowed heavily from my eyes. I lived this song. I breathed this song. I remember feeling this song.

Blanding reminded me of that song. 17, barely pregnant (out of wedlock). I was sent to my step mom's half sister. There I felt a lot of things. Lonely. Sad. Frustrated. Repentance. Forgiveness. Happiness. Joy. Depression. Poverty. Confusion.

I placed the baby up for adoption. I was no longer the "pregnant" girl. It was hard for me to adjust to life in Blanding being labeled the Pregnant girl.

I thought that when I went back there this past week, that is what I would be too, but I wasn't. I was the Rock, the Example. The immovable. The Worker. The Kidder. I was Witty, Fun, Fast. The Tie Bow maker.

Floods of emotions come over me after I listened to the song, I didn't just hear it, I listened. (Jon McLaughlin sings.....Beautiful Disaster)

God Gave me my Happily Ever After!

I am so grateful! Thank you God, for knowing me. Listening to me. Loving me. Forgiving me. Talking to me. Guiding me.

Lessons learned so we can be like the Savior

2010-08-05T10:53:00.002-05:00

I missed the lesson in Kearney about having the Attributes of the Savior. I did though enjoy a wonderful lesson from Sister Rosa in the Maple Ward in Omaha. I loved her thick accent. I was about 20 min. late and it is the first "class" but the pull was too strong, so I went in the back door and found a seat. Was I among strangers? Never set foot in that building before.
I walked in on a analogy. The twenty dollar bill analogy. Some of us are like the crumpled up, dirty, torn, smelly, marked up, very well USED twenty dollar bill. But NONE of us are worth LESS to the Savior then the Crisp, NEW, Fragrant 20.00 dollar Bill!
Tears welled in my eyes.
Jesus Loves every one. He had compassion.
She talked about how her two friends were getting a divorce and how the husband betrayed the wife. The wife questioned how Rosa could even speak to this man again. Because she prayed to forgive him.
Jesus died that all man may be forgiven, and understood.
Tears welled in my eyes. There are a few ladies in the church that have hurt me deeply, I felt a calming over my soul and I think I forgave them Completely that moment! How do you know if you have forgiven someone? I once heard a talk on BYU TV and he said, you will most likely remember hurts always, but if you can remember them with reverence, then know that you have forgiven.
When you don't have the anger swell inside just saying their name, and you can talk about it without a Gossip tone, I believe you are forgiving.
I feel very blessed to have Rosa teach by the spirit that day! I wished All teachers tried with all their might to have the spirit into their lessons.
Sunday School was awesome too, Which in the Kearney Ward it Always is when Sister Prater is teaching. But one thing struck me, it was on Having Good leaders, which I heard the week before, so wasn't so nervous about looking up scriptures (cuz I didn't have mine, haha). The Church Should Strive to have the best possible Leaders. Leading and Guiding All aspects of the Organizations. Is it inspiration, or desperation? Can a "bad" leader change? If you find you have a "bad" leader, do you "fire" them?
I know I sucked really bad the first few times I taught in RS and YW. How those ladies stayed awake I have no idea. I always asked for the spirit though. The words can be said by anyone, the spirit is what changes people.
Jesus was the spirit, taught with conviction. Not everyone believed, or understood, or wanted to know. That is so true in this World we live in today, but Never stop trying! No matter what the cost.....loneliness.....Jesus knows that all too well! Ask for his favors and blessings.
Rosa, I am so grateful for the tear filled RS lesson. I just wished I had some Kleenex's to cling too.
Among strangers? No. The spirit saw no strangers that day for me! The Church is TRUE!

Miracle days

2010-08-04T23:01:00.002-05:00

Have you ever just had one of those days where the sun is bright, and the everything thing seems to come up roses?
That was my Tuesday.
Saturday was fast day. I chose to fast and pray about God helping me take away my OCD about food. Each day I have done pretty good. The OCD edge was gone.
I was feeling very grateful.
Ron and I were cleaning the Thompson house. I have never cleaned it before but Terry remembered that Ron and Justice were here the last time. I didn't see very many family pictures around, just some cute boys with Terry. We cleaned the basement, so I'm not sure what was upstairs.
I sat in the Van most of the time doing paper work. Very hot, and muggy because of the light rain we received earlier that day. But it was NICE. I was basking! All I needed was a splash from a pool jumper and It would have been perfect (reflected on when I was a lifeguard and all the teen boys would see if they could splash the girl life guards with a "watermelon" or "preacher sitter" or a "cannon ball". LOL)
I sensed Ron needed some help so I offered to Buff the remaining carpets while he scrubbed the 13 stairs. Not a fun task, that is why they are 3.50 a piece. I got the rest of the basement done just as he was finishing up. Great timing!
Just as we were leaving a white car came in the drive way. It was my WW buddy Lori. OH MY HECK. She came over to my window and we got to talking. She told me she was Finally going to go back to WW. Tears came to my eyes. I have been trying to go back to WW for about a month now. Wow, basically after Adrienne's wedding. She answered my prayers. For some reason when she said that I got a Strength that I can't describe. She mentioned one of our other friends may be back too. I'm so excited.
Went home, got changed, and checked Weight Watchers online. 1.00 to join until Saturday. YAY. Since I'm a lifetime member, I'm not sure if I had to pay or not. Who cares. I'm going back. Now, I'll have to pay until I get to my goal weight, but like Lori says, that is my punishment, haha!
I got to the meeting about 15 min. early. So good to see familiar fun faces. I'm so excited. Blanche retired all the way now, so there are 3 new ladies. Fresh meat! Sweet! Bev was excited to see me. I was so excited to see her.
I can do this! Thank you Heavenly Father.
Another fun thing was I was checking out Mike's facebook and seen he went to the Bahama's with his family. 2 weeks he was gone. Said he spent a fortune, but so worth it. I am going to plan a vacation now that we only have 3 children who actually get along with each other! haha (without cute boys along).
Where should we go? any ideas. Remember.........I'm poor! haha!

Do you smell that? roses!!

I can't believe its August!

2010-08-03T08:42:00.002-05:00

Friday Ron and I will endured 22 years together. We were Married 8-6-88. We thought long and hard if we wanted to be married 8-8-88 but that would mean it was on a Monday. One of our McCook Classmates did decide to do that, I think it was Ruth. There were a few weddings that weekend end. Missy I think was in the park (with a bun in the oven, looks like they are still married, YAY) Ron and I got married at the Elk's club patio! That was an adventure. I should have known it was going to be an adventure in the future. The wind was blowing things over, frogs and "toads" were all over that back yard. We ran out of gas on the way to the Elk's club which then set the tone for the rest of our lives.......Ron is Always late. I am waiting for him, always. It is usually the other way around!

I'm not sure what our plans are. We are thinking about going to Omaha and hanging out with Elaine and Daniel. It's their wedding Anniversary the 4th. Still trying to figure it all out! Where am I supposed to be? Windows of Heaven open up me a blessing of CASH flow! :D

Well, I have to go and get ready to clean carpets again today! Have a great day!

the 4th of july was.......

2010-07-13T14:33:00.003-05:00

supposed to be the McCook Class reunion of the century. Lots of food, friends, street dance, Party in the Streets. My brother Russell planned on attending along with Ron's family. They were all raised there in McCook. Where was I that weekend?
Working! Friday was supposed to be a fun time but Ron didn't want to venture off. Saturday was supposed to be the street dance But Ron didn't want to go. I felt trapped. (as usual) I made the best of Saturday. We went out for Chinese, just Shai, Karrea, Daddy and I. Justice was off on his own adventure at scout camp. Camp Cedars for the LDS boys. (could have fooled me by some of the scouts conduct, but what do I know?)
We sat around, ate, watched movies, ate some more, went got a sodie, and ate some more, watched movies. Ron fell asleep a couple of times, by 6:00 pm he was stir crazy. He was bored. He was ready to do something. Too late now honey!
Sunday morning arrives......WE ARE GOING TO MCCOOK. Day late and a dollar short. What a party goer!
We headed off to Mccook. Put one of the new movies in the DVD player and got to McCook around noon. We got a sodie, and went to Bob's house. He and his "fiance" were packing up to go to Culbertson to a family reunion. (I didn't know he was fianced! Yolanda finally showed me the ring. Beautiful!) Off they went. Left Mike, Kelly and us standing there. I understood, we came unannounced. As Usual!
We headed to Runza for some lunch. Mac's Drive in is Closed for Sunday so that was a bummer. I don't know what it is about those greazy burgers and fries but they pull you in every time.
We sat at Runza for a couple hours talking with Mike and Kelly Clapp. Good conversation trying to catch up. Karrea played in the toys with some kids. She had fun.
After Runza Russell called me and said he was just leaving Jim Trails place. He found us over at Denise's which is right next door to Jim's. I didn't know he lived there. Since we knew the owner, we gave Shai permission to light off some of her firecrackers. I'm sure it thrilled the neighbors.
I mentioned to Russell that we were testing Motorcycles out. Really? Jim Trail is selling his Yamaha. We saw Jim driving by and we followed him. He let Ron and I hop on the back to see if our butts fit. YEP, they did!
We thanked Jim for his time, and I told him I would let him know if Ron was interested and could come up with the money. NO PROBLEM.
Around 9:30ish I get a text from Shai....he toe was bothering her and she was sitting in dad's pickup.
Denise, or should I say, Nurse Denise and I went out there. Denise said Shai's toe was really infected and that it was going to need looked at. Shai had been fasting and praying for an answer to her toe. We believe this was the answer. Denise took her in and cleaned it up best she could. It still didn't look good.
Denise called the foot Dr that she had worked for and got his opinion. We were to come to his house.......yes, on the 4Th of July and he would look at it and give her some meds, and a prescription.
He agreed that it looked bad. We got a call around 11:00 pm saying Meet me at the office.
yep. Shai had toe surgery, talk about a bang up night!
I held her hand as she got 4 shots into her big sore, red toe. She was a big girl. She should have gotten a lolly pop. Me too! I saw him use the scissors on her nail and then scrap everything thing out, you could hear him scraping on the bone, I am so grateful I didn't pass out and that I was sitting on the opposite side of the VIEW. Denise was over there. WHEW!
He gave her a clean up kit, and some meds and scripts. Wished her luck and we all went back to the fireworks. (I'm sure the cannon he was using was LEGAL! LOL)
What an answer to prayer.
Before we had met up with Russ, Ron was driving around. We were looking for Nancy's car. We had driven by Denise's home to see they were in the car heading off, so we searched for them. We found them at the grocery store. At first Denise seemed cold. I would have normally just walked away but I stayed and tried really hard to find conversation. It was a little awkward, but felt needful.
We ended up laughing and talking in the parking lot for about a 1/2 hour. That is when I got a call from Russell
Lots of lessons learned that day. Go with the FLOW even if its not your idea. I was pleasant about the trip. I'm usually pushing to go or pulling to keep from going, but today was a day of easi-ness.....It wasn't about me! It was about Shai. I'm so grateful that Shai had the faith to fast and pray about her toe. I was totally concerned and prayed about it Friday, but it was her prayer and fasting to do. I'm so grateful Denise was the answer to her prayers.....they will have that bond! I'm so grateful that Russell shared his motorcycle info. We looked at one, it was 16,000. Nice bike, but wanted over 400.00 a month for payments. Too rich for our blood! This one was 3 years old, 5, 000 miles, fits both of us, has hard bags, and 2 helmets and only 6, 000. That is a steal! I'm so grateful that Jim did this for Ron. They have been lifelong family friends. To hear their stories (Russ and Jim) its amazing they are both still alive and members of the church, haah! God loves us and answers prayers, even on a holiday! Thank you Dr. Hinze!

Week in Paradise?

2010-07-13T12:41:00.002-05:00

Last week Justice spent 7 days at Scout camp. It was a nice break for him. I think he learned alot and endured alot. He had a lot of things to share with us, but not a lot of time to do that. Between Shai's friends and eating and sleeping and movies, we really haven't listened to his adventures. Shame on us!
We enjoyed girls night out when Ron went to McCook to pick up his new toy. Its a Yamaha Motorcycle. I've gotten to sit on it the 4th of July, but I chose to stay home instead of venture off to get it Friday night. Justice got home Saturday afternoon.
I wanted to enjoy Justice's stories so we went to lunch to Ruby Tuesday's but it was too "noisy" there so we just went home. I couldn't believe the bill. How do people live with themselves charging 3.49 for a lemonade! NEVER AGAIN!!!! 4 People eating burgers and fries was almost 60.00 That is pure craziness. I have kicked myself ever since. What a waste of money and time. The conversation was NILL because noisy people were there! UGH Oh well, I tried.
This week its Shai's turn for camps. Yesterday morning she left for Theater camp. She is an officer in the Thespian Club so she is having training. Tomorrow she leaves for girls camp. I heard some of the horror stories she has endured at camp. I looked her in the eye and asked why she went.
She goes for spiritual uplift, not to totally socialize with the Upper crowd. What? there is an upper crowd in the Mormon church? I've never known that feeling.........cough cough! I feel really sad. Really REALLY REALLY sad! Aren't we all equal? I know we are all equal. I only guard myself from those who are HURTFUL, not those who are Different. Didn't Christ do that too? Shame on "girls" who think they are better than others! I guess some of the leaders are just as bad. Maybe its a good thing I'm not in Yw. I would have a mouth full.
The goal while I was camp director was LOVE and FUN and know who you REALLY are and who needs you to be the best person..........that means KINDNESS.
My heart is sad for her. If i had it my way I wouldn't send her there. I pray that she gets the strength, love and fellowship that SHE needs while she is camping with bugs, snakes and spiders!
haha!
Have a great time in Paradise Shai! God will bless you with good friends and good leaders!

July already

2010-07-09T12:30:00.002-05:00

Some random thoughts go through my mind.
I'm sorry for all those I have let down and not followed through with, such as writing to my visiting teaching ladies. Not writing to my step dad Jerry. Not being there on Sunday to play the piano for Relief Society. Do I really matter? Pam Carlson wrote me a note and said that I do, but the hard part is I don't believe her! (shame on me) I say get the CD player.
I was asked to teach next Sunday. The lesson is on Priesthood Organization. We'll see what the Lord guides me to do. Maybe I'll be sick that day!
I think Mom teaches that lesson too. Maybe I'll see what her plan is!
I hate struggling with my thoughts on not being needed. I think I have said that for 19 months now. Not sure what I'm supposed to learn.
Last Wednesday was a blast in the FHC. Patricia, Cheryl, Gloria, Lisa and I just shared funny stories and sisterly love. I don't think that is exactly what the FHC center is for but it worked out that day! I LOVE THOSE LADIES! Each of those ladies (except Lisa) I have been a visiting teacher too. I am so blessed.
Thoughts of moving creep in because of a few bad apples, and hard feelings, but deep deep down I would so miss my Sisters in the Kearney ward. There have a few Wednesday where there has been gatherings! hha I just wished the Kearney Stake could use Sister Matson again!
I miss girls camp, youth conference, adult meetings, etc. Some day! right? Someday!
I can't help but feel that my focus is on this family. I have always focused on the family, but first was my callings! I felt they built me up spiritually. I built a lot of friendships throughout the stake. I have never met a stranger, so I've been told. I love people, I love to watch people, I love to understand people.
Maybe that is a trait that God loves? I bet he is a people watcher! haha

I think I scared everyone!

2010-07-08T09:30:00.001-05:00

I think I have scared everyone, even myself from my blog. I was so honest in the wedding, I'm sure I came across a real witch. I have to tell you though. After I wrote about it........the bad feelings were gone. I was able to let go and heal. That is why I write! Truth hurts sometimes. I am grateful for a voice. For years I didn't believe I had a voice. Now I use it and I scare people! Ooops. sorry

I wouldn't trade!

2010-06-28T22:56:00.003-05:00

I have been around a lot of children! I have been doing daycare for a long time! Adrienne was a one year old when I took on my first baby. Baby Keannea Spease. She was 5 months old. Momma would bring her into my bed around 5:30 am with a bottle and we would sleep as long as Adrienne let us. She was a delightful baby.
Next in line was Jasmine. She was a screamer! OOOHHH, was she spoiled, if she was not held, she was screaming! I was so grateful when she moved. Carlos was a big black Basketball Player for the Kearney State College. They were a good family, but oh, she had attitude!
I had a baby boy next. ALEC. What a sad sad sad situation. I only had him about 2 weeks. When you would hold his leg to change his pants he would scream. The police came to my home for a statement. There was a stand off at his home the night before. His daddy was going to kill himself. Come to find out Alec had two fractured legs. Daddy said it was because of the jumping Johnie, but the police think it was child abuse from daddy! I have always wondered what became of him. I hope he is doing well.
Next I had a little Mexican baby. Melanea. She was so cute. She was not there for me. She loved Ron. She screamed around me. I was pregnant with Shai, and I looked real funny with a 4 year old, one in the oven and one in a car seat, DARK baby! Oh, the good old days!
As I reflect on these babies, I reflect on even the older children I have had. Gangster Dean, Crazy Michael. Funny Kenny! Beautiful Eve! Intriguing Michael. Smarty pants Sean-Michael. I have truly been blessed to watch so many children grow up. Harley was a nightmare to watch as a baby, but as TWEEN? She is so beautiful. She loved to help with the babies. (even though she dropped one once, haha) I love it when I get them as a baby, and then I get them when they are older. What a priceless opportunity!
God.........You have truly blessed me with great opportunities to serve you! YOU blessed me to know when it was time for the babies or children to move on. It was usually Annoying! they started to get on my nerves. I hated the guilty feeling I got, but it was always God preparing me for the heartache! He knows me well enough, that its better to leave on Annoyed terms, then have a broken heart. For example, Dusty and Wyatt. Had them each since they were 6 weeks old. But as the time was drawing near for them to move, they were pushing my buttons. Screaming, getting into stuff, coloring on the walls, and the new TV. spitting food at me, etc. When before, they were perfect angels!
I started watching Kaleb since he was 6 weeks old. By the time he was 7 months old he was getting on my nerves. Fussy for me, but perfect for Ron. Jenn came to me and told me she was moving to Florida. (light bulb, now I know why Kaleb was so annoying, lol Change was in the air) When Kaleb was about 15 months old Jenn asked if I would watch Kaleb again. I wanted to say no, but YES came out of my mouth. He was truly a blessing. He is our little Kaleb Bug. He will be 7 this year and still loves to come to our house! WE love him and Jenn. I'm just glad I didn't let give into my first thoughts........"remember how annoying he was?" LOL

So why am I surprised that I this happened to me just as Adrienne was going to her new life. LIGHT BULB MOMENT. Its just Gods way! Adrienne doesn't mean to be annoying! It is just the way it is. We all are here to live and learn, and she will be doing plenty of that.....On Chris's clock and not mine! :D
I think and I reflect, though..... I said to Shai tonight.........I WOULDN'T TRADE YOU KIDS FOR ANYONE IN THE WORLD. YOU ARE ALL SO PERFECT FOR ME! She begged to differ. I tried to reassure her that I was serious! My four children are so neat! I hope someday I will have the courage to write to them and about them. My deepest feelings! I don't know if I'll ever be able to put into words exactly, but I will try! someday soon.
Last fall life was pretty dark.......bleak! Bleck! I just wanted God to take me home. Deep depression! The thought came to me.........You would miss so and so..........and a deep deep sadness came over me. I saw each of my children and what I would miss and then I decided I wasn't ready to see God yet! I have had a few feelings like that again about a month or so ago, but again, I cried, and thought.......I can live through this DOWN time, and be grateful for the UP.
God, thank you for my children (your children, that I get to share life's journey with)
I wouldn't trade them for any of your other children! LOL

Work Work Work

2010-06-26T22:44:00.003-05:00

It has been a whole new world for me lately. I have gone to bed late, and up early. I have gotten a shower most days (when the water was running) and put a uniform on.
I don't like how I look in the uniform, but I like what I represent. I represent SERVICE with a Smile. If you want me to, I'll even carry on a conversation with you or answer any questions you may have about Heaven's Best Carpet Cleaning, or just HEAVEN'S BEST thoughts that go through my mind.
I have felt some what guilty about not being home. Shai has been in a good mood, needing some money, so that makes me feel a little better about leaving her home to tend to the kids. She is really good with them. She is learning a lot about cooking and cleaning up after herself, and discipline. Who, Where, Why, When and HOW! good luck with that one Shai! That is a life long lesson there. Each child is different! I can attest to that one!
I have enjoyed drinking my breakfast. Its usually a 44 oz Dr. Pepper. We are in such a hurry to get out the door, breakfast is the last thing on our minds. One day we did stop for a Long John. Oh, cream filled, I think I stuck my finger in the center at least twice! I used to let Justice do that to my donuts when we would drive through Daylight Donuts, dropping off the girls at school and I would buy him a bag of donut holes. I remember buying him a long john once, he ate half and then got sick. Too sweet for him! haha!
There have been a couple of homes this week that at the mere sight, was very overwhelming. The smells too. I had to focus on the PRIZE. Not just the money, but the satisfaction that we could work miracles on people's carpets! Ron grumbled a few times. I kept my cool and reminded him that one step at a time. Focus on what we needed to accomplish. What should have taken an hour to do (one room and a couple stairs) took up over 3 hours. Our customer was so amazed when we were finished. Her children were very gracious too. She loved how her feet felt on the newly cleaned carpet. That is what makes my job worth it! Helping people. Seeing a result. Was it perfect? No. It would take about 3 more cleaning and about 300.00 to get it tip top shape. That my friend was a long day! I grabbed some cash when I got home and headed to the mall for a much needed manicure and pedicure. I get to sit in the massage chairs for about 20 minutes. Wow, it was nice! I look down and I don't see man hands, I see lovely polished hands! That to me is a blessing. Good strong hands that can help others, but still be beautiful. This isn't the work I thought I would be doing in my 40's. I do feel that God has blessed me with the ability to do it! Its heavy work. I don't know very many women who can lift an 80 pound buffer up and down stairs, and buff and vacuum for HOURS at a time! I feel very blessed to be able to do that! Now if I could just be skinny! I'd be happy! ??? But that will take a different kind of work!

Licking wounds, and new beginnings!

2010-06-23T22:28:00.003-05:00

I have sat in the corner like a cat licking my wounds long enough. It was only a couple of days really. I'm very grateful for that. I am mostly grateful that I didn't act like an idiot in front of people and if others wanted to do so, that is their agency. As much as I don't like other peoples actions upon myself, I get a real feeling of how Heavenly Father must feel. (only a slight feeling, but still a feeling of how people choose to act, and I am grateful I didn't REACT)

The carpet cleaning business has really picked up and I enjoy helping people and sharing my talents and wisdom's. I have helped Ron almost every day, and Shai has been helping out Me in the daycare. Justice has been helping Shai, so I believe its a win win situation.

Today was a weird sort of day. I didn't feel like helping today. Crampy? I don't know, i don't usually let that bother me. Today was just YUCK. I got ready anyway. Running late as usual.....so I had Ron call Cari. OOPS she forgot, she is at bible school. Reschedule please. I call Britney to see if she needed us earlier. Oh, I was going to call you, its not going to work out today, we are not going to be finished moving out, I'll call you and reschedule. VOILA DAY OFF. I think God really does care!

Ron and I got some needed groceries. Got home and it was hot in the house. Air conditioner quit working. Ron thinks its the fan motor. NICE! Then I go to make a bottle and the water isn't working. Probably won't be working any time soon. NICE! So we are doing things PIONEER STYLE. Getting the water from outside and heating it up in the microwave! Life can sure be rough sometimes! haha!

Here we sit, in the stuffy house, and bottled water. Sounds like a great plan to me. I am very blessed that God invented bottled water and I felt impressed to fill those 2 liter pop jugs full of water after the soda was gone. YAY ME! I'm also grateful that our hydrant outside my front window is pumping water. I don't have to use the lake outside my parking lot. YAY!!

I'm glad I'm not still licking hurt wounds, because that would really STINK! Now on to bigger and better challenges? isn't that what life is all about!?

Rest in Peace my Friend HARRY BRISBIN! you saw the glass half full! even if it was whiskey in your younger years! Congrats Christine on your new beginnings being a teenage mama! CHEEERS......here is to new beginnings!

Ring ceremony

2010-06-14T11:00:00.004-05:00

There was no rehearsal so nobody knew what they were doing. I was not included in that either, so I put my two cents in last minute. The Prayer was given by Laurie Jansen, Chris's Dad's baby sitter. She was not dressed appropriately for the Chapel, but what do I know. I have always been taught to at least wear church dress, skirts, dresses, nice dress shirts and ties. Do people not know how to dress for a wedding anymore? Where have all the manners gone? Shirts weren't tucked in, hats were on, jeans were worn, Capri's in bright green colors were worn. I just can't imagine what these non members were thinking. My head is still shaking in disbelief!

Shai and Mikayla did a beautiful job singing. (It was hard on Mikayla because his family had hurt her feelings so I had to pull her out of the bathroom crying uncontrollably, I told her God would help her, just show faith! but we had to get this ceremony started we were already 20 minutes late)
The wedding party went down the isle. I was not supposed to be part of the wedding party but Karrea refused to go by herself so I walked with her. Then they stood in the middle of no where, when I tried to tell Chris he needed to be on the opposite side of the Bishop, he ignored me. It looked awkward.
They weren't in front of the mic. No body could hear them. We had mostly NON members there who traveled to see them get married.
We heard Trace share a few words, the Bishop shared a few words and then Shai sang another song, when she looked at the couple she started to cry, which cracked her voice, but we all knew that would be hard and she did an excellent job.
My dad (Stephen Warnke) said the closing prayer and blessed the couple. Very appropriate. I was told later that the ring ceremony was cheezy. I am just glad it is over.

Wow, my head is still shaking!

Reception Time

2010-06-14T10:38:00.003-05:00

I was awake by 7:00 thoughts running wild. The song that Shai is going to sing to the couple ran through my head over and over again. It was quite annoying. WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, by Brian Adams.
I got up and packed up the Denali for Chris and Adrienne to just get here and drive off. I had a feeling they would be running late and not have time to load it themselves. I got in my zone to see if I remembered everything.
They got here at 2o after and got the keys and left. Worked for me.
WE have enough cars that we can just pick a car and drive it, the family fits now.
I read a few emails, gave Karrea a bath, tried to relax.
Ron called me asking me what the original floor plan was. I told him I couldn't read it because Adrienne changed her mind, I couldn't read my chicken scratch. i got in my zone and pictured what I had in my mind, then relayed that to Ron. He was helping set up. He was supposed to just let them in the church building and then head over to Valeries house and clean up her water damage. That didn't happen. (He is on his way now, Monday, to clean up the mold now)
Chris and Adrienne were late getting the cake. I'm sure they were grateful for BAD BACK Ron helping them.
Good thing the Dinkels got there early to help them set up and decorate tables. The Lord was good. I got there when I said I would be there. I requested the photographer to be there along with my family to be there at 12:30 for family pictures. We were there but the photographer wasn't. What was new? She said they had to stop and get some food.
I think we got a few good pictures from the photographers I hired.
There will be plenty of pictures of the Pinchaks with the bride and groom and a handful of the Matson and Warnke. (note to self, bride's family needs to hire the photographer)
I know it is HER wedding, but when I hired a photographer and the Pinchak family tells her to get out of the way, I get offended. When they make my photographer cry. I get offended. That is just not right. Where are your manners!?
The ring ceremony was "cheezy" I was told.
The reception was fun...my family was having a great time spending time together. Ron's family spent time together. Many of them went up to the Pinchak's only to be snubbed. AWKWARD, but that is between them and God. They want to play that Game, this sin is upon their head.
The food was NOT done, the green beans went into the trash, the rolls were raw, the BBQ was good but expensive, and the taters were not cooked.
If I didn't have CRAPPY LUCK I wouldn't have any luck at all. I told the person cooking for me, keep it under 100.00 (I could have, it would have been BBQ chicken and tater salad and macaroni salad but it would have been home cooked good!) She assured me she would keep it under 100. (for 50 people, that is a feat, I know)
I was busy cleaning up the tables when the caterer came up to me and gave me the total " 500.00 " I thought she was joking. I still don't believe it and I toss and turn at night trying to figure out how they came up with that. She mentioned to me in October when Chris and Adrienne were at stake conference she would cater for the cost of food. Wow, that is a lot of money. I had a bowl of potatoes left over, a smidge of BBQ, about 2 dozen rolls, a few buns and raw onion green beans left over. Only 50 people ate. My head is spinning

I am so grateful it is over! I am done! I told Shai I would give her money just to GO to the temple and then take the money I would have spent on a honeymoon. There was NO celebration of family there (except the Warnke and Matsons) It was awkward and I never want to experience that again.
(I asked Debbie to get the microphone for me. I wondered what was taking so long, I went into the chapel where it usually is, and she was told to put it away, we didn't need it, I said who told you that? Um, one of Chris's aunts. That would be Laurie. I guess she was bossing everyone around. Dennis wanted to use the restroom, she told him to find another one, he went in there anyway! HAHA that is Dennis. You want a bathroom, pick one down the other hall, where no one is inconvenienced. A baby needed a diaper change, they had to do it on the floor. UGH....Now who died and made her boss?!) I could go on and on, I am so disappointed.

I know God can mend a broken heart. I know he will heal this one again. I don't even set my expectations high, I just treat people how I want to be treated. And expect the same.
I have read my scriptures all week ( do every day) and I am quickly reminded of Lehi, his struggles and I relate. I was reminded in the temple of Ether chapter 12. I can do this! I cling to the blessing my father gave me "strength and perseverance". AMEN

Beautiful Princess

2010-06-14T10:26:00.004-05:00

Adrienne still was in Omaha around 4:00 on Friday. ( many volunteered to be there around 2:00) That stressed me out. I thought of all the people who had planned on being there in the afternoon to help her and Chris set up their reception. (I didn't want to over load their lives. I was grateful they were willing to help, now you change plans?)There was nothing I could do about it. They chose to stay in Omaha. 4 or 5 people called me to see if they needed help. I gave them her phone number she could tell them herself.
So with the stress of hands being tied I sought for family support again. Ron stopped at my mom and dad's place in Grand Island.
Lyle, Dana, and Keagan were there. We had a nice visit. Dana had to leave just as mom and Angie were arriving. I guess dad and Garth were Golfing. Danielle was resting on Dad's bed.
Angie wanted to go Dress shopping. She maybe wanted to visit Aurora to see Polly and go dress shopping there. We gathered in the Denali and headed to Bridal Collections there in Grand Island. Angie just felt pulled there. We were there almost 2 hours. Enjoying each other's company, oooo, aaaaa, over the dress that Danielle picked out. She got a veil and jewelry and tiara, etc. I am so excited for her. They decided on alterations, and discounts and Deb said we were a wonderful group and was so excited for Danielle.
Danielle was a princess. She acted like a Princess, she looked like a princess and I believe Bill will cry like a baby when Princess Danielle graces her presence in his! He sounds like a gentlemen with manners and comes from a home that has manners and Angie and His mom get along wonderfully! I'm so excited. She let Shai help her pick out a few things and even take pictures. it was very healing for both of us. We were not allowed to do that for Adrienne.
Thank you Danielle and Angie for letting us be a part of the most wonderful time of your lives. One less thing to stress over Angie! You did a great job! This little Tom Boy grew up into a gracious young princess. Not once were tempers flared. It was so peaceful and loving! BEAUTIFUL!! (Danielle is the youngest of with 5 brothers.)

Angie was the aunt who took me in when I found myself pregnant at the age of 17. Her and Garth took me in, and loved me. Let me eat their groceries, let me baby sit their children. Let me find new friends. Let me use their station wagon! (LOL) Now they let me in on their big news and big day! I am Grateful!

Friday DAY

2010-06-14T09:56:00.004-05:00

I woke up around 7:30 the day after the sealing and my heart was heavy, my stomach was sick and the thought came to me, What did I just do? (no I didn't wet the bed)
I just gave my daughter away. I know deep inside she will move far far away. I am okay with that (remind me later I said this). Ron is sad because IF grand children come along he wants to be there.
I woke Justice up and we headed to breakfast, my thoughts were getting the best of me and how better to settle that? go and eat 2 waffles, a yogurt, a bagel and drink a stiff drink of Apple Juice. Shai showed up a few minutes later. Ron and Karrea stayed in bed. I brought back a bagel for Karrea and two boiled eggs and Apple juice. Was she happy with that? NO, I should have brought more juice. OH NO, NOT ANOTHER ADRIENNE!!!
Ron was slow about getting ready, He needed to Run around for two hours being ERRAND boy for Trace Pinchak. We sat in the room and waited. While I was waiting I was getting texts from a friend who lives in Omaha. My heart sank when I got a text saying she was just in a car accident. I was hoping it wasn't because we were texting back and forth. Prayers went up for her immediately. I have never been in a major accident. Plenty of fender benders (usually backing into something, like a federal mail box, or taco johns cement post, or the bread store brick wall).
What a scary thing to experience. I have heard that when Air bags explode they are really painful. Sometimes it would be better if we didn't have them. They cause black eyes, bruises on your cheeks, and dust that comes out of them can cause short term blindness.
Don't you feel like life is like that too. How Ironic. We never know what Life is going to throw at us. Little bumps here and there? Or Explosions here or there. There are those that we cause ourselves and those that others cause on us. Are the lessons the same? Always look up! Always know where to find the solutions. UP. UP. UP! Whether it's Police Authority in a crash, or Priesthood authority, always look up!
We went over to the Adrienne's apartment to pick up the rest of Karrea's things. I reminded Adrienne that people were going to be at the church to help her set up at 2:00. She was not going to make it. She still needed an oil change. She said that it should be okay, You have the table plan.
My voice raised a smidge, as it does when someone clearly doesn't HEAR me. I said 'what part of I'M NOT HELPING do you not understand?' 'Did Christopher NOT say to me, "Adrienne and I will do the reception You just show up and be a hoot! OKAY?" Christopher nodded and said, Ya I did say that. We left. I got in trouble for "starting something, Adrienne didn't ask me help with the reception" I said, were you not listening? So for 15 minutes tensions were high in the Denali. I took a deep breath. I am sure the other children in the car were praying for CALM.
I texted Adrienne to see what the ring ceremony plan was, she assured me that it was all taken care of. I said I just wanted to know who all was involved. She assured me that they knew who they were. I told her she was being rude in not letting my family be involved and that this was NOT a PINCHAK wedding, this was a Matson, Warnke wedding too. Shai was singing. That was already established. She gave in and said Ron could give closing prayer. Which he did NOT want to do. The spirit told me my dad (Stephen Warnke) should have the honors.

Stress built up again. I was sick to my stomach at the rudeness once again. Was this ever going to end? I have three other children. Please Shanon Focus. After hanging out with my family We got to Country Pride in Alda and I was so sick I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to spoil it for the kids. I wanted Ron to just take me home, but I sucked it up.
We had a good time. Good conversation and Good food. That is always a plus.
WE got home around 9:30. We tried to get the house ready for the new day.

Bride's room

2010-06-14T09:37:00.003-05:00

When we arrived at Winter Quarters it was hot and muggy outside. The kids were complaining and wondering what they were going to do while we were inside the air conditioning. I told them to roll down the windows, and watch a movie. If worse came to worse, turn the car on for the air. Shai has had a bad toe infection, and so her walking around the grounds was not her idea of fun. Karrea was clinging to me. I saw pictures were being taken, and I just didn't feel right.
I found friends and family in the chapel area of the temple and that calmed me. A hug from Debbie overwhelmed my spirit. It was so lovely to have my "best friend" back.

The matron showed Adrienne and I the Brides room. There are about 10 chairs in there. I sat across from Adrienne. I tried not to make it too awkward. I let Adrienne speak about anything she felt she needed to. She talked about rushing around, forgetting the marriage license because of all the commotion, and not being able to think. Staying in a motel and not her own home. Trying to get her hair done and make-up. I hope by her talking she was able to put those stressed behind her and focus on what was about to happen. Eternal marriage covenants! That is a huge step. She is so young. I hope she strives to come back and learn more.

I tried not to rush as I was getting Adrienne for her sealing. I tried to teach her how to put herself together. Some pointers like-put your "bag" in your stockings. Always have Kleenex, lip gloss and mints are a good idea. We talked quietly. It was nice. We had a longer wait then usually. Chris's dad had to drive back to the apartment and get it the marriage certificate. One thing you can't do is Rush a Matson. (lol)
I told Adrienne that is why she always sees me shew everyone out of the house and I'm usually the last one out. I get in my Zone, and just FEEL if I have left anything. When people are talking and running around you can't feel.
I know that is true in this world and in the temple. If we are hustling around, or our minds are wondering, wrestling, you just need to get in a ZONE and ask for calm and peace. I don't know if anyone else but me does that, but it has helped me not to forget many important things like shoes, diapers, camera's, and maybe in the temple setting, what I am grateful for, who I am grateful for and Why we go and worship. Who has saved us all.
About a half hour later we got to walk to the sealing room. That room is so beautiful. Everything you see is symbolic of what Heavenly Father wants us to remember. "Two people intertwined reaching for Christ." is one of the things you will see, I will always remember that.
I got to sit by her in the sealing room. When the sealer said some very profound things I grabbed her hand to reassure what he was saying was a great blessing to her.
I was grateful that I was the one who got to be in the brides room, just as we were leaving Adrienne said to me she didn't have a ring to exchange to Chris so I pulled one of my rings off and let her "borrow it". Once again, symbolizing I will be there for her and I will do what God needs me to do. Sometimes that may be just a shoulder to cry on, it may be I lending hand. It may be "tough love" but I pray that God will help me make the Right choice when Adrienne needs me.

Thursday at the temple

2010-06-14T09:06:00.003-05:00

Thursday morning at the motel was slow. The bed was kind of soft for Ron and so it took him a few hours to get moving. His back went out on Wednesday after he coughed. We missed breakfast because we stayed up to late having fun. Ron finally got warmed up around lunch time and we headed to Old Country Buffet.
Enjoyed a great lunch. You get to have a huge variety. Made everyone happy. Ron took us back to the motel and then ran around for Trace Pinchak (not pinchek, PINCHAK) he made that very clear with the rental place where he got the table and chairs.
He got back later than we hoped. We got to the temple just in time. I had asked if we needed to be there for pictures and I was told 5:15-5:30, pictures were to be taken afterwards. I tried to stress to the photographer about the lighting, but what do I know. 2 pictures were taken of the Matson family after the ceremony and it wasn't even in front of the famous stained glass window. SAD SAD times. Which left hurt feelings again! We got there and the photographer was taking pictures of his family with the bride and groom. I shake my head in dismay! PUT ON A HAPPY FACE!!!

The sealer said many wonderful things. I have heard sealers say some of the same things, but now they are talking to MY daughter. Hoping that they are listening. I know I was, and I was hoping my husband of 22 years was listening. "men who don't listen to their wives are stupid" Yes, he said that, now he said a few other things in there too to make his point TRUE. LOL

It really floored me of how women dress for a temple wedding. One of his aunts skirt was so short that when she crossed her legs, you could see unmentionables. No wonder when the temple president speaks to wards at stake conference the temple matron stresses the way we should properly dress in the temple. Its not about bouncy cutsie outfits, its about modesty and reverence. It was awkward to say the least! Luckily I wasn't sitting straight across. I was sitting across someone who had HOLY socks though! (putting black socks on my next shopping list, haha)

I was so grateful for my friend Kelci to be there for when we exited the temple. My niece Danielle was there too. What a sweet spirit. They got my mind on bigger and better things and the spirit was strong.
I was so grateful that my aunt Angie and her husband, Garth could be there for hugs and support. Not too many people drive from Blanding Utah to be at a great niece's wedding. I was so grateful for their love and support at the BBQ later that night. No one on his side barely talked with us. It was like the Hatfield's and McCoys. How do you NOT take offense to the awkwardness. I was grateful for Cheryl Taylor letting us crash at her house, what a beautiful spirit she has. So grateful.
I put on a good face and just let the spirit guide me to where I was supposed to sit and who I was supposed to speak with to keep the spirit. The food was good. The Pinchaks did a great job. Just wished it could have been the party and celebration that was planned 8 months ago.
(note to self, never have any concerns for one of their kin, they totally blow it way out of proportion, whew)
Thursday was a long day, a good day, and we were ready for bed.

Wed in Omaha

2010-06-10T15:18:00.003-05:00

We got to Omaha later than I thought we would. Ron was doing really good in the morning with his back and then he coughed and he threw his back out again. He spent all morning trying to stretch it out, and relieve some of the pain. We finally left Kearney around 2:30 or so.
We had to stop and tinkle twice and so we were later yet.
We had a blast though. We sang songs, we laughed like crazy, and we talked about goals and what we wanted most out of life. Really enjoyed the journey, drive.
We got to the motel and got dressed. Left the kids at the motel and we headed to the
Winter Quarters temple for Adrienne's big day.
I was feeling nauseous. I couldn't shake it. I talked with a few friends, they gave me some great advice, but the knots and hurt feelings were very overwhelming.
I got in the bathroom at the temple and Adrienne was in there. I said maybe 5 words to her. It was very awkward.
We have an odd relationship. She has to come to me. I feel like I'm an intruder if I don't wait for her to call, her to start talking, her to initiate anything. If I speak out of turn, I am annoying to her. Its very odd.
{
Tuesday she called me to ask about cheap nice motel rooms, I told her Rodeway was my opinion. I drove over there, checked out their rooms. the kings were taken for the weekend and rooms were going fast, so I panicked and got her a room. He asked if she was paying on Saturday, I said I didn't know. If they didn't pay, just use the credit card I just used. He put that in the notes. I called Adrienne to let her know not to book one on Friday in Kearney, I got it. She was annoyed.
I guess she didn't want 2 beds, she was wanting a king, they didn't have a king, and what difference did it make, they wouldn't be sleeping "separate" anyway. UGH. I was so upset that she was annoyed with me. HELLO if my mom called and said, "HEY I got you a nice room for your honey moon" I would be doing a happy dance! Have you ever seen that show BRIDEZILLA? I'm starting to see a resemblance here! }

I went about my business getting ready, trying to calm myself and get the spirit. It was awkward seeing his family there. No angry feelings, just weird. Adrienne wasn't in there yet. I was sitting in the 2nd row, 3rd seat. First seat available, besides the gentlemen asked me who I was and I said I was the mom of the sister who should be sitting in the first seat.

I sat in the "room" and felt like I had to leave. My stomach was all knotted up. Adrienne and Jacquie came in and sat down beside me. Jacquie grabbed my hand, I think I was very cold. I didn't mean to be. Tears flowed.
I prayed a small prayer for someone to sit by me. I saw Kat Merrill come in and I remembered Pam was going to be there (picture of her and I below). When she walked in I pointed to the chair next to me and asked if she would sit by me. She looked at Kat and she sat down by me. I started to cry again. I gave her a hug and thanked her for being an answer to prayer.
{I am who I am because of Pam Carlson. She has mentored me over the years in different callings I have had with her. She is amazing. }
I felt calm, and all was well in the "room" She whispered to me in the C room and said to go and greet Adrienne as she came in the room. It wasn't my place first......I pushed Ron into Adrienne's arms which started her water works, then she came to me, and hugged and then kissed me on the cheek.
Ron and I went and sat by the scriptures. I said a small prayer of how I can deal with Life and Family......Ether 12 opened up. FAITH. That is it! Faith. I knew that, but GOD reminded me! I'm so grateful!
Thank you friends, for your prayers, kindness, and advice. You have made me so much sweeter. and life so much sweeter.
I'm in the motel room now waiting to go to the temple for family pictures and their sealing. I'm hoping not to feel so awkward. Adrienne and Chris are supposed to be there at 4, we were told not to be there until 5:30 or so.
Why do I feel awkward?
(Well, I really didn't appreciate someone thinking I was crazy, making things up in my mind, and then calling me angry and bitter. When I wasn't. I told them I was concerned. I asked Adrienne what she possibly told Chris's parents for them to over react and say I was crazy. She will have a lot of explaining to do to Heavenly Father someday.
)For now, its just awkward, because I'm not crazy, I'm a mom, that saw and heard warning signs, and voiced my concern.

I think that is a Bitter sweet idea!

2010-06-09T01:57:00.005-05:00

I said that to Chris's Aunt Jacquie when she said she would bring me some Canadian candy in person when she comes.
I think she was offended by that comment, because she said.....Shanon, I'm not sure how to take that comment, please explain.

I had been interrupted by Karrea several times, and I was distracted. I apologized for being distracted and said I'm already fat, but yet candy sounds good.

.....being "bitter-sweet" You love it, but hate it!

I pondered why Jacquie might have been thinking. I never in a million years would think the comment I made would be offensive. What was her spirit thinking?

The thought (impression from God) came to me. She may have taken it wrong because YOU should be Adrienne's temple Escort, not her.

I knew Chris's aunts and cousins were going to Grand Junction for Evans Graduation, I mentioned to a few if they could bring me some Canadian candies. Sweetarts and chocolates are different over there then they are here. Very interesting.

I didn't get to see anyone in Grand Junction because of the rudeness/hurtful feelings I had with Chris and Adrienne. (remember I wanted to go to grand junction and Chris told me "they didn't want me to go". I wrote to Adrienne and told her that because of my hurt feelings I didn't know if I could "pray" in the temple with them.

I was informed by Chris's dad that with my angry bitter feelings maybe I wasn't worthy to enter the temple. his comment caused Adrienne to "pray" about who her escort should be, since her mother wasn't worthy to be there. Her answer was Jacquie. When she told me that I tried to be a big girl and suck it up and act like it was no big deal. She is a big girl, she can govern herself.

But it stings. I never said I was angry or bitter or unworthy to attend the temple. I simply said I was hurt. Who goes to the temple hurt? Most of us do, several times over the years. That is where we go for peace!

I should be sitting next to Adrienne as she receives her blessings in the temple.
I guess I'll sit on the back row and pretend I'm good! and cry like a baby.
I don't know what else to do.

It will be a "bitter sweet" day. Don't you think?

Counting down the days

2010-06-05T14:15:00.003-05:00

One week until the queen of the Matson village is married. Adrienne has had her own apartment for about two weeks. We visited last weekend and it has great potential. I'm a little nervous for her. Its a scary hallway/stairway. The smell gets to me a bit, but Home is where the Heart is right?

The reason I call Adrienne the queen is 1. She was bossy 2. She was a great cook in the kitchen but hated people watching her or even learning "her skills". 3. It was her way of no way. 4. Egg shells made great sound effects, as you walked on them. I thought the mom had that effect, but most of it was from Queen A. 5. "She knows all". 6. She always had to put her two cents in even if you didn't need her "money"

In fact I found some recipes she "invented" and when she found I copied them, she hid them. Now, I found them, they were easy to find, but it still stung. I'm supposed to be the Queen of the castle. I FINALLY TOOK MY REIGN about 2 weeks ago and I will have it til I die now.

We realized Adrienne was the queen at the age of 2. The day she turned two was the day she decided that what ever the "real queen" said, didn't matter. She had her own mind, and she was going to do things HER WAY.

I am okay with that. It was rough in the home, most times after the age of 14. Discipline after that was rough, because there was always a fight back. I never even considered fighting back when my parents felt they needed to "slap" some sense into me. I didn't like it, but never ONCE would have raised my hand.

She is Queen of her own village now, and this Thursday that will be the Pinchak Village.

I am proud of her. She has made some good moves and not so good moves. I mean, who doesn't. As long as you live and learn and love we are all on the right path to BECOMING.

I hope she is not like the "RED Queen" in Alice in Wonderland. "OFF WITH HER HEAD"

I wish her the best. It was hard being second in command, but I guess I should be proud that I was a good enough mom to step back and let her spread her wings in the security of her own home.
She learned to cook, sew, scrapbook, clean, raise babies, drive, love, live, laugh, cry, scream, cut, bleed, sing, dance, spaz out, eat, drink, swim, jump, put make up on, do her hair, sing in the shower, and just FLY!

You will be missed Adrienne, especially from Karrea but we all wish you well, and hope that your journey you are about to embark on is pleasant, loving, forgiving, blessed, happy, glorious, bright, and shiny. If you ever need a safe place to fall asleep, you are welcome here!

Love you! FOREVER!!
mom

WRITE or NOT to WRITE

2010-05-27T11:36:00.003-05:00

That is the question. It has played on my mind and soul lately.
While I was getting ready for the day, make-up, blow drying my hair upside down, and just basking in the steam, I reflected on what my friend Charlotte said to me yesterday. I mentioned to her that I was coming across in my writings as a drama queen (trust me, I don't go looking for it, it seems to follow me!) she said I wasn't, I was informative. hmmmm. Think think think.

I also thought to myself. So what the heck are scriptures for?
Why did Pres. Kimball basically command us to keep journals IF we weren't supposed to.
It seems as if it bothers people if you write too much.

About ten years I found an email group called HomeHeartstrings. They used to be called Egroups with Yahoo. Well, the owner was ready to leave the email group and asked if someone would take over. Myself and Carol volunteered. I ended up with the group. So for 10 years I have had a group of close knit friends who get together and laugh and joke and share a lot of stories along with household tips.

That wasn't what the group was invented for, it was strictly for TIPS on cleaning, and recipes, etc. I came along and shared Heartfelt stories, and letters and concerns. I guess that turned the Homeheartstrings world into a whirl. Over 300 members diminished to just under 100. I wouldn't trade those ladies for the world! We have seen each other grow up. Cry, laugh, have babies, send children on missions, go to college and graduate ourselves. I feel it a HUGE blessing to have these ladies in my corner of heaven!

For awhile I was casted aside because of the take I took on Homeheartstrings, I guess people were bashing me, talking behind my back, etc. It hurt for awhile. I thought I was used to it, but it comes up once in awhile and stings again. This is who I am. This is who I am supposed to be.

I found this quote this morning....it sums it up, how I feel.

"The need to write comes from the need to make sense of one's life and discovery one's usefulness" John Cheever

What a great blessing it is to know that I am not alone. That my thinking is not WAY OUT THERE, I am not perfect, I have never professed to be perfect or even come across as such. I am who I am, learning and growing and trying to BECOME who my Father in Heaven needs me to be. This life is a spiritual life. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way around. If someone can't see that. That is not my problem. Take it up with Heavenly Father.

Writing is how I become. I am grateful for it. My father used to make fun of the way I wrote and spelled, he was right, which only made me want to become better at it and prove him wrong, haha! Love ya DAD

Very Aware

2010-05-25T13:52:00.003-05:00

A few things transpired last week, to say the least. It wasn't a very good week, if you look at the facts, but if you look at my attitude during the "waterfall" I did pretty good.

I had some concerns about my FSIL and Adrienne. I took those concerns to FSIL father, and well, lets just say, I was told it was a creation in my mind! That didn't set with me very well. Some people came forth and "testified" of my truths, (they were the ones giving me the truths, and therefore brought up my concerns) so the whole story is placed before Priesthood holders, parents, and most of All Heavenly Father.

What a huge blessing that is.

Concerns are smoothed out. I am grateful for that too. All night, even tho things were smoothed out, I tossed and turned. I finally sat up and said, "What is it?" The thought came to me. NOW IT IS MADE AWARE. Wow. I have the motto in my mind and I have said it out loud several times......most people change because they are made aware there is need for change, God knows there is a need for change, and Most people Do What Is Expected. Now, there a few who don't, and I think they fall under the category of "stiff necked, prideful, hard hearted". Most of the people I know are more teachable. I know I am. If you think I'm annoying, tell me, I'll try and fix the annoyance if God agrees with YOUR opinion.

I want to be made aware! I have also found that some people would rather be in the dark, in their perfect, unscathed world of IGNORANCE.

I know what I did with my concerns was Proper, and in order, and we all received the blessings of "following the rules". I didn't make people happy with me, but God is who I answer to anyway! IF they don't like it. Take it up with HIM.

Eternally Grateful!!

2010-05-17T11:34:00.004-05:00

Between FSIL and the neighbor lady bullying me, I could feel the water reaching my nostrils in the sea of despair. This is NOT who I like to be. I like laughing and making jokes and using my water gun in fun ways, not defensive ways. LOL.

I got up on Saturday morning and felt I needed to get to Just For Ladies. Lately I have been riding the bike and reading my book written by S. Michael Wilcox on teaching our children from the scriptures. Its been very insightful and for the most part I'm on the right track. I have only felt guilty a few times in my parenting, those are the times I feel the Lord guiding me to repentance.

I had been feeling guilty and bogged down because I hadn't been going to the gym to work out. I don't go to lose weight, that is a given, I have gained weight since FSIL came into our lives. What is up with that!? I'll never know, I suppose.

As I was reading on the bike, it was exactly the place I needed to read. It was the answer to my prayers I had prayed for Friday night. What a blessing to have the answers there in black and white. I searched for the scriptures Friday night, but it talked about the evils of the world and how we would be blinded, didn't give me the answers on how to govern those evil things. LOL

The chapter I was on is SAY NO TO YOUR CHILDREN. Wilcox gave a few examples of those who gave into their kids whims and the consequences. Such as Eli knowing his sons were doing evil things in the temple and not standing up to them. Etc. How the People of Jared wanted a King even though it wasn't in their best interest. Jared gave in.....they later reaped those consequences.

He gave us 4 steps to follow when saying no to our children. You need to read the book in order to know. (the book is in the car and I don't know if he would appreciate me sharing them, hah)

I need to do the last one.....I need to let Adrienne know that we love her, and that she is always welcome in our home. (regardless of her decisions, unless it would endanger us in the home).

Its hard for me to do tough love, but that is the way of the Lord sometimes.

I saw my VT drive up to the parking lot. I composed myself. She was in her car for quite sometime. It was my cue to sneak out. I was NOT going to burden her. She has enough on her plate. I went to the restroom. Walked out got my book and she peeked over at me and waved! Busted. I went to talk with her. I'm blessed because of her. She is so wise and understanding. She had great advice for me. I let her read this book a few months ago. (She was asked to give a talk on the blessings of motherhood.)

I walked away feeling a little lighter. I got in my car and cried.........what do I do Father? Get a fathers Blessing. Tears streamed down my face. I haven't had a fathers blessing in about 20 years or so. I got home. Ron saw the tear stained face. NOW WHAT? I told him. I showered and we ventured off to Grand Island. Ron, Karrea and I did a few errands and then I called my dad. He said we were welcome to come over. Lyle, my step brother was there. It was good to see him.

We talked for a few hours, validated some feelings. Then it was time for my blessing. Ron anointed, Dad blessed. It was sweet and simple. Everything will be fine, I will have the strength and perseverance to get through the next few months. WHEW! What a great blessing it is to have the priesthood authority and power on the earth again!

It was a good night. (until we went to subway at 9:30 pm, I ate too much, tummy ache)

Sunday was bright and cheery (spiritual wise). Maggie did perfect, Cyndie perfect and Bro. Bradford did perfect in their talks. Sunday school was venting to Pam and Deb. RS was interrupted by Karrea having an ouchie and not being able to sit down.

We got home, had a quick fun lunch, then we started organizing our DVDs. We put them in a leather binder. We have about 200 to go, we did about 400. I drove Shai around with her friend Sydney to some graduation parties, Justice and I talked and laughed. WE had a great 3 hours.

It was rainy outside, but it was cheery and sunny on the inside! I am eternally grateful for days, weekends, weeks, months, years like that!

Can we just say stressed out!

2010-05-15T00:15:00.003-05:00

I really need a new life! This one is taking over. I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I have gained so much weight since Adrienne "fell in love" and my face is full of puss pockets, and my hair is wirey from gray!

I can't stand it! I just want to scream. Between Chris's immature text that made me flip him the pinky finger today, to the neighbor lady badgering the kids AGAIN. I lost it!

I shot my neighbor! This will probably be my last entry. I have been on the run since 8 o'clock tonight.

I heard the dogs barking and scaring the kids tonight. I got my super soaker out and shot at the shed. Ace ran into the water stream. The screaming Boston terrier mutt. Here comes old snooty face.
"did your little girl get my dog wet?"
'No, I did'
I'm going to sue you for damages.
I said 'with what........water? Give me a break. I thought I asked you not to talk to us again. '
"well, you are getting my dog wet."
'Shooting the water gun works doesn't it? he is not over here barking, if it works I'm going to use it! its not hurting anything.'
"you are damaging MY property!" first of all you are a renter! you don't own anything!
'are you serious? I'm tired of you yelling at us.'
"I'm not yelling"
' you were yelling at me last Saturday about jack.....'
'if jack has the balls to call me dirty names at my face, Hugh says he should have the balls to apologize to my face'
"you told jack not to talk to you again"
'i told you not to talk to me again too, but here you are. Maybe jack could have handed Ron a note saying, I'd like to apologize in person if that's okay....not some sissy apology'
She threatens to call the cops, for damages, brings up the damages on the fence.

I said, am I suing you for damages on the fence? NO.......are you serious lady!? Do you hear yourself and how stupid you sound? YOU ARE A FREAK!

"well you are a B....ch"
I went and got my gun......shot her in the chest! she came charging at me so I shot her in the face. She came at me full blast yelling profanities! I shot her again ,and again and again. You would think she would have turned and walked away......OH MY HECK....are you serious? I just kept pumping that gun! she had snot running out her nose, and fumes out her ears!

kids turned to me and said......boy you taught her a lesson! my daycare kids and karrea. even they know she is evil!

I am tired of being bullied! what the heck is UP with people! Just leave me the heck alone! I don't go looking for drama! REALLY???!!!!

I went to the bathroom, and then got the family in the truck and headed down the road. Just as the sheriff was driving up to their home. I had to go and get Justice at his friends house and Shai was at the movie theaters.

Ron dropped me off at the theater, waiting for Shai, and he took the 3 kids home. Then came back into town and picked us up and we went to DQ for ice cream with the Dinkel kids. had a blast! my last free night I'm sure! Who better to spend it with.

We were heading home when I saw state patrol plates. Told Ron, there's a cop. sure enough this cop pulls a uey! Its 10:30 at night. How in the HECK! Ron drives by our house just tootling along! about 5 miles down the road the lights go on, the car behind us pulls over. State P still coming. Ron pulls over. The officer comes over........Ron is crapping himself! I'm pretty calm. Prison food can't be that bad!

"just pulled you over because you were hugging the shoulder"

Are you serious????? there was a skunk in the middle of the road! OH MY HECK. Do we have bully targets on our backs!!!!

"sir, you need to come and sit in my patrol car"

really??? What the heck?

Gives Ron a warning! Ron hasn't drank in 18 years! What a night!

got the lights on video if anyone wants to see it!? Maybe tomorrow they will get me in cuffs or a straight jacket!

anyone who says life isn't interesting isn't living their life right? or wrong? haven't quite figured it out!

Calgon take me away! (or deputy Dooley)

Can I order a Grinch Heart?

2010-05-13T16:02:00.003-05:00

I can't stand that I am so tender hearted. It seems as if I'm getting my ONE feeling hurt so much lately. I can't stand it.

I love that I cry when my kids bare their heartfelt testimony on mothers day of how funny I am. That I sacrafice so much for them. They ask me to do something and I do it. Their friends call me mom number 2, or Super MOM.

Yet, there is someone always to take their foot and swipe it and I fall to the ground. Or I get punched in the back and I can't catch my breath!

I wished there was a magic box that would tell me what I'm supposed to learn from the pushes, and the punches and the trips.

I prayed about going to Grand Junction with Chris and Adrienne. The thought of hanging out with Trish, and GG, and Auntie J and Auntie Laurie got me over giddy!

I said to Adrienne, I would love to go with you guys, but I can't leave until 4:00 (Shai doesn't get off the bus). Chris said he's leaving at 2:00.

OUCH! FLAG!!! They don't want you to go.

I called Chris. He said I could go but I couldn't hang out with them. They are going to do what they are going to do and I cannot tag along. I said, who says I want to tag along. I'm okay with it as long as you don't leave me in Denver. Haha.

And there is a stipulation. If you are annoying I get to tell you you are being annoying, is that okay?

I said.........Well, I guess I won't go, because I don't want to be the dead aunt on the top of the station wagon. (national lampoons vacation with chevy chase)

I tried really hard to laugh it off. The more I thought about it (and still do) tears just stream down my face!

I texted him and her to ask WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MAKE YOU SAY THAT? I'm puzzled. I'm confused. But I guess that is just me. Put it on the list of ANNOYING!

I really wished I had the heart of a grinch. Small and no one could TOUCH IT!

Wednesday was a DAWG EAT DAWG day

2010-05-03T13:07:00.002-05:00

Wednesday I was making homemade runza's. It was a great morning and felt like being productive. I was feeling it was going to be a great day. I had a lot of energy, the sun was shining and the kids were outside enjoying a NOT SO WINDY day.

I heard the neighbor CRAZY yelling at Josie, one of my daycare kids. I stomped over to the back door and opened it up and immediately started yelling at her. DO NOT YELL AT MY KIDS. They were putting their fingers in the fence. NO THEY WERE NOT. I AM TIRED OF YOU SCARING THESE KIDS. THEY LOVE THAT PUPPY ANGEL, AND ALL YOU ARE DOING IS SCARING THEM INTO NOT LIKING PUPPIES. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. Why are you yelling at me? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT. THESE ARE FOUR YEAR OLDS. YOU NEED TO PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE. Kids, don't listen to that MEAN OLD CRABBY LADY.

I escorted them to the back yard. She tried to say something I told her DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN. YOU ARE JUST A CRABBY OLD LADY.

I slammed the door. Later in the afternoon when the kids got off the bus (JD and Shai) we were by the back door and Karrea was talking to the neighbor kids across the back yard. The little kids gave her some smiley faces and tattoo's I explained to her that Jesus didn't want us marking up our bodies with Tattoo's and body piercings, and boys shouldn't have earrings.

I was telling Shai our Adventure earlier that afternoon. Well, Crabby paddy's son was standing there.

Next thing I know he is knocking on my front door. I was polite and answered the door, maybe he needed an egg or sugar, etc.

"If you are going to come over and be a ROYAL *ITCH To my mom.....
I was totally caught off guard. I said.....NO YOU DID NOT JUST COME TO MY DOOR AND CALL ME A FILTHY NAME.........SHAI GET ME MY PHONE.........I grabbed the phone, he ran off the porch. I followed him.........POINTING MY FINGER.....DON'T YOU EVER COME TO MY HOUSE CALLING ME DIRTY NAMES AGAIN. You called my mom a *itch. NO I DIDN'T. I DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT. EITHER SHE IS LYING OR YOU ARE. He shooed off to his yard. DON'T YOU EVER COME OVER HERE AND TALK TO US ME LIKE THAT AGAIN....I WILL CALL THE POLICE FOR HARASSMENT.

He had all kinds of words flinging at me. His mom was outside on her deck. I asked her, did I call you a *itch. She said no. I couldn't calm down. I was so upset, I was yelling in a voice I hadn't heard for a long time. I kept trying to tell myself......Shay. calm down, he's not worth it, breath, calm down. No matter what I couldn't not calm down. I w as saying to Jack.....what gives you the right to come over to someones house and disrespect them like that. I have never started anything. The reason I yelled at your mom is because she was yelling at my kids and I was teaching her its not right to Scare little kids by yelling at them like that. We have had nothing but problems from them.

The first week they moved here Justice was riding his bike around the trailer court (he was 8). Their rabid dog started chasing him on the inside of his fence, well Jack came out of the yard, and shoved Justice off of his bike and said QUIT ANTAGONIZING MY DOG. MY MOM JUST HAD SURGERY AND SHE IS TRYING TO SLEEP. Justice came running in my house, Jack was stepping foot in my house.........YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR SON TO QUIT ANTAGONIZING MY DOG. I asked Justice what the problem was....told Jack to go back home and keep his hands off my son.

A few weeks pass. Tracy, his mom comes out and says there are problems on the bus. My kids are calling Jack dirty names. I politely said that my kids don't talk like that but I would discuss it with them. I talked it over with my kids. They shared the story that Jack was starting fights on the bus. My kids never called him dirty names. I am not a real naive mom. I like to talk it over with my kids before I assume the worst or the best of my kids, thinking they are perfect, etc. I don't have a problem with nipping it in the bud!

Well, Tracy started an argument again about the bus. I told her it wasn't my kids. She assured me it was. She had a tape recorder and that I just better watch my children. I said, let me hear the recorder. Jack then told his mom to drop it, it was no big deal. She brought over chocolate cookies after that and apologized. Apology accepted.

Scratch, their mutt dog was just a very loud, obnoxious dog. Taught every dog they had to be the same way. You would see the 2 and 3 year old just shrink when they would let them out of the house and they would come over to the fence like they had rabbi es. It was quite frightening. I just told the kids to be nice, and just stay away from the fence. The older Ace got the worse he got. Hes a Boston terrier. Scratch I guess was getting sick with cancer so he was calming down, their other dog was a spaz too, but I guess it died sometime last year, Scratch died about a month ago. Ace is going strong, and they have a little white dog now that is just trying to yelp. Heaven help us!

Last summer, fall the kids enjoyed playing outside, they were getting older and didn't need me out there as much. I would hear Tracy yelling at the kids.....don't touch the fence. Get away from the fence. There were times when I was going out the back door minding my own business and these 3 dogs would come charging over and scare the crud out of me. I went and got my plant sprayer. After a few squirts of water scratch and tiny would calm down, Ace kept going. One day the super soaker was outside, Shai and Justice were playing with it. It was a crazy fun afternoon. The dogs were let out and scared Ron and the little kids so Ron picked up the super soaker and shot the dogs. Kaleb threw sand at the dog.

I scolded them both. Kaleb had time out and was told to be kind to the dogs even though they were naughty dogs. And you can't startle dogs either, they will bite. The next day Tracy came over madder than a mad hatter. Your kids are getting my dog wet. I said....they are not. It was me and Ron. Ron had the super soaker. He is so scared of you he had to lie! I assured her that the kids would no longer be throwing sand at the dog, and if they did, let me know. That Saturday we had Kaleb with us over at cruise night. We watched all the hot rods on main street. Well, Orin has a little yip yip dog. Kaleb later that night, while I was off driving our hot rod, lunged towards Orins dog and Kaleb got nipped. He learned. WE taught him before, he had to learn the hard way though.

Tracy slowly put tarps on MY fence. I didn't say anything. She feared that Ace would bite. I threatened that if he did he would be dead. I was tired of her yelling at the kids. At least 10 times a month. It was getting on my last nerve. By this spring she had 3 long tarps on my fence. One day I heard something that sounded like thunder but from Shai's room. I looked out the window and saw my fence 2 feet off the ground. The wind was blowing it up.

The next morning I came to get Shai for Seminary and she was still asleep. What the heck. The tarps kept her up all night flapping like thunder. After I took Shai to Seminary I saw Tracy outside and politely told what was going on with the Tarps and kindly asked her to remove them.

I got home from errands and I get this note saying I have to sign a waiver before they will remove tarps from MY FENCE. She didn't realize it was my fence. I was being NICE. Helping her out, but it wasn't helping at all, the dogs still were trying to jump over my fence and were still going around the tarp to startle the kids. I talked with DHHS about the "waiver" she laughed, she knew the crazy lady I was talking about. She told me to call the Sheriff. I did. He laughed, he knew about the crazy lady. He said I didn't have to sign a thing and I could take those tarps off myself.

Ron took his wire cutters and cut them down. Folded them nicely and put them over her fence. Oh My. Did we get the KISS OF DEATH when she saw those down and I didn't sign anything. She started a fight. I talked Calmly....until she kept going on and on about how Ron had NO BUSINESS TOUCHING HER STUFF. Hello lady, I didn't get mad when you touched my fence and it is busted now. Or your son braking it by jumping over to fetch a ball he threw in my yard. Or the poop in my yard when Jack thought it would be funny to bring the dog over.

I told her to grow up. I walked off. And then the whole thing starts again last Wednesday.

Thursday I get a note from Ron that Jack handed him. I apologize, I was having a bad day.

Wow, that was nice. My opinion is if you have the guts to yell in some one's FACE you should have the courteous to say Sorry to their FACE. Do I forgive him. Ya, he's only "White, Male and 18" according to his mom. Its not his fault she didn't raise him with manners.

Saturday Hugh our 80 year old military neighbor came over. He wanted to know what that barking was all about. He peeked around and saw their dumb dogs. We were trying to talk about his mower. I told him about the confrontation Jack had over on my porch. He said, DON'T TAKE THAT SHANON....YOU CALL THE POLICE NEXT TIME. THAT IS HARASSMENT. THAT LOONY OLD FAMILY. Nothing but problems with them. He had to leave, just as I was going to tell him about the apology note.

Ron came in the house and said, Do you realize Tracy was standing outside? I said...OOPS. Hey I told her this to her face. Hugh asked, I told.

Later that day Justice and I went to town to open up the apartment that I have for rent and Tracy came over to the fence yelling at me again. I had no clue what she was saying over my 4000 vortex engine. something about I need to tell the whole story and I needed to tell about the apology letter Jack wrote. I just put it in reverse and left making the crazy gesture. OH MY HECK..........

I just can't win for nothing!!!

Could this be

2010-04-26T13:03:00.003-05:00

I sit in my computer chair wondering if this is where I am supposed to be. I sometimes feel like I'm on the outside looking in! It gets frustrating at times.

I have daycare. I have T who is 13 weeks olds. M and T are 4 1/2 months and 2 1/2 years old, I have YY who just turned 1, and D his brother just turned 2. I have J who is going to be 5 in June and A who is going to be 4 in August and my own Karrea who is going to be 5 in November. I have some siblings in between there too.

Now mind you my house is noisy, stinky and messy at times. By 5:30 Pm my house is doing pretty good, but my brain is fried from crabby YY to screaming "eagles" and messy marvins. My day starts at 8:00 sometimes earlier. (If I take Shai to Seminary I go and get a work out and that means my day starts at 6:30am)

I am not where I want to be in church. I liked serving and teaching and preparing lessons on a weekly basis. I loved standing there in Walmart wondering what "gift" I could give to someone in need or the girls I was teaching. I never complained about the hours I put into girls camp, or lessons, or activities we did. (at least I don't remember doing that) (I know someone who does that, you will tell them Hey great night, beautiful decorations and they will go on and on how they had NO help and blah blah blah and then the spirit leaves the room. Makes you wonder if they just do it for show.)

Question to self........are those that are called to serve the complainers? The ones that HF needs to learn a lesson.....a lesson of serving with LOVE, their heart is in the work? I guess I better work on LOVING to play the choir piano. :D

Am I just supposed to be happy serving in this place I call home. When I do that I feel gratified for a few minutes. Then the message plays in my ears (you are not enough, you don't do enough, you don't have enough money, you are not giving enough to this wedding, you are not playing with the kids enough, you are not cooking good enough, etc) DISCOURAGEMENT comes quick to me when I just have gratification at home. I don't need petted......my spirit just feels lack of respect lately.

When my spirit feels a pull, I sit and stew and ponder on what lessons I need to learn. Or what lessons I need to teach. Maybe I should have finished my Physical Fitness teaching degree, maybe I would be more respected. Respect can't be demanded I know that. You would think of all the things I do for Ron and my children that it would come automatic, but trust me IT DOESN'T. I am treated like I'm the dumbest, most annoying person on the planet! It hurts!

A wise person once told me you won't feel appreciated from your children until they are about 30. I found solice in that. Now, how about the husband. I was accused of taking advantage of him the other day. I refuses to believe he said that, but he did. Put me in a tailspin that is for sure, I don't see myself getting out of it for awhile, but I'm trying.

My spirit has felt betrayed lately. I don't think I have ever deleted someones comment to me on Facebook (I know silly social network that makes us feel like we have real friends). When someone does that to you? OUCH. I didn't think what I said was inappropriate or offensive. It was gone. I question said person, they don't know what happened. Sure! Okay! they don't just disappear, that I know of. If they do, please tell me, I'll put the sad feelings behind me. I unfriended said person. I just can't handle the rejection. I'll say, and I get a cold shoulder or a quick HI and snub. But if so and so is coming down the hall its a huge production and smiles and laughs and giggles and blah blah blah. Well, to me that is not a facebook friendly friend. I get pretty private there. Makes me wonder if they just want their nose in my business for a smear campaign later in life when I run for president!

I made an executive decision with Ron last night. He was more heck bent then I was, but I will respect his strong standing. (Regarding Adriennes wedding reception.) I hope I can sleep better now. I don't remember feeling like my parents owed me a wedding......I was happy getting the things that I needed to "get er done" I appreciate all that my step mom and dad did. It was a wonderful time. I worked at McDonalds and U-save trying to make it all balanced out. One regret (sorta) is that I didn't take the money to buy shoes. I wore a pair of socks. When Bev found out she said she would have bought me a pair. Oh well! LOL It was fun. I gave her my colors and that was that. She got the hall, the cake, the flowers, the glasses, and serving knife. and I'm sure a few more things than that. Ron and i showed up (late, cuz we ran out of gas) and Voila........22 years later we are healthy and alive.

I told Adrienne from the beginning after she changed her mind a few times, that I would do the Kearney reception. Just give me your colors and I will come through. On my list and checking it off. I am getting ideas from all over the country. My mind and spirit are swimming. I just have to take a deep breath and do what I need to do. I will consider all the ideas given, but I will do what Ron and I can do (mostly financially because we haven't seen a dime from the marrying couple). If its a Lame reception then it will be a lame reception.

Hey, I could have a hill billy reception. I'm going to check into a slip and slide, a bouncy tent, a beer bong, paper thongs for your feet, silly string and those hill billy fake teefs for everyone! NOW that is what I'm looking forward too. (I'll make sure and yell HO DOWN a few dozen times during the 2 hours we are there).

What is the purpose of a reception anyway? And who are we to judge what kind of reception it is? The spirit will be invited, isn't that what matters?

A few things have changed since I originally wrote this post. I'll just say Heck hit the fan. I called my dad for advice. His advice to me was WASH YOUR HANDS OF THE RECEPTION AND WEDDING.

I talked with A and C a few hours after Dad gave me this advice, when asked What are you going to do about the reception and wedding? I said, I'm not sure, I have a few options. I need to talk to dad first. Now my dad said I should Wash my hands of it all, and Chris POPPED IN BOLDLY and said. "That's fine. We'll do it!" I saw the look on Adrienne's face. I saw the stress BOIL in. I shut my mouth.......I said. Okay. It's yours. Adrienne asked me if I would at least get all the assignments still. I said I would.

She will learn that HE will volunteer many things for over the years. BE READY. haha! I don't know if he really thought of the magnitude of what he just said. So, I'm supposed to just show up to the reception and "be a hoot". Okay. I hate it. This reception reflects who I am too. But I will do it! I will challenge myself. It will kill me, but I will wash my hands, and let them do it themselves!

Balaam

2010-04-26T10:45:00.004-05:00

Yesterdays Sunday school was on the prophet Balaam. From what I understand his outward appearance was great. He SHOWED the people how to serve and sacrafice, but inward, his heart, he really sought for the riches and fame of the worldly kind.

I sat in that sunday school pointing my fingers at a few "Balaams" in that class. But a wise Relief Society said to me, to all of us within her ear reach, "if You have one pointing towards someone, you have 3 pointing back at you!"

Serious reflection time. I think I'm feeling overwhelmed lately of the Balaams in the world/ward lately. They come with their lips but not their heart. I mean seriously. The spirit tells a lot of things about people.

There is somone in my life who is just "bugged" by me. I can't put my finger on "What the Heck did I do?" I have tried to be over nice, meaning not with my lips but my heart is usually right with them. Its hard. I'll be walking down the hall and I'll say HI and I get a quick, curt HI. It really does hurt my feelings. I have apologized over and over at the thought of even offending them, but to no avail.

I have found it hard to be in my home lately. There just isn't any team work. We have all puttered out. Me included. The sun is shining. Shouldn't this be a new beginning. Yet I see the three fingers pointing at me. I hate it!

I have a child that just shutters when I try to talk with them. What have I done to offend them? Am I the Balaam, or are they? I am hoping with them its just immaturity. Every where I turn I am getting my feelings hurt. Yet when we are public together people just think life is good. I am screaming inside. I am clawing my way out of this suffering relationship. I am waiting for God to strike me dead! HAHA

lazy week too

2010-04-19T15:51:00.003-05:00

I had a couple come to my home to see if I could baby sit their little guy.

I mentioned to Ron that night, I feel very uncomfortable around the husband. I felt pretty guilty about my feelings. Aren't we supposed to be a people who don't judge? Yes. I don't judge a person by what they look like, or how they talk. What I have learned about myself is I judge how I feel around someone.

I didn't like how I felt. When I reflect over the past few weeks I see that when this man came into my home, I would leave and go in the other room. I just felt awkward. Couldn't quite put my finger on it. I thought it was because I was in my funky, lazy dazy mood.

Thursday "mom" talked to me a little bit about her and "dad's" situation. Its all very clear now. The Lord is very mindful of us. I know I am supposed to be in this "mom's" life right now. I hope I can do what I am guided to do for all who are involved.

Maybe I get in these lazy dazy moods so I can relax and hear what God needs to tell me. When my life is full of busy and noise I don't always hear what is being said. I like reflection time, but I don't get much of it.

I sat around Saturday watching movies. Feeling lazy, but the movies answered a lot soul questions I had. So is that a bad thing? To sit and watch and eat popcorn? I guess not! I seem to do it at least once a month. Should I thank HF for PMS? haha!!!

Lazy week

2010-04-19T15:35:00.003-05:00

Mr. Lazy Week is behind me. I'm so glad. I actually fasted this past Saturday til Sunday to get guidance and help in my inner struggles of laziness.

A lot of things have been on my mind. I met up with my "first kiss" on face book. While we were dating I dreamed that I was going to marry a man named Ron, with Blond Hair, and Blue eyes, and mustache. I never saw the man. He was in a white suit tho, I couldn't see his face.

I didn't realize the man of my dreams was the man of my dreams until I walked down the red carpet at the Elk's Club patio in 1988. That was the Ronnie, blond hair, blue eyes, and mustache.

I dated 3 Ron's. How funny is that. Each with most of the characteristics in my dream........Matson was the only one with the mustache. Maybe that is why it is so strange to me when/if he shaves it. (he really is forbidden to do so, LOL)

My heart goes out to my "first kiss". He was always very kind to me. We were best friends hanging out at the swimming pool on hot days and on rainy days playing Atari with his kid brother. Tears fill my eyes as I see the struggles he has had in his life. The place we are tested and tried. Our Journey's are so different, yet we are so similar.

For example, his daughter is 19, so is mine. His Daughters name is Andrea, mine is Adrienne, I like my steak Med well, so does he, I mean the list goes on and on. How are we so similar, yet so far apart. What could God really be telling each of us?

He came over last Sunday on his way passing through from Lincoln. My heart and soul ached for him. Not romantically, but as a sister who wanted to make all the hurt go away. I want to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with him so he can find meaning and purpose in a lonely world. I want to find him a spouse that will love and cherish him.

This weighs heavy on my mind. What would His life be like IF we would have been together? Then I see the tragedy maybe My life would have had IF we would have married. I pray God is mindful of Ronnie today! I know I am

Spring has arrived

2010-04-15T10:14:00.002-05:00

The ONE thing I hate most about Spring is the Clocks being pushed forward. I lose that hour and it takes me MONTHS to get my due sleep!

I haven't been able to really get my dead buns out of bed since the daylight savings Clock thingy, and the trip to Salt Lake. I got home and I had a head cold or allergies. I don't really care which, it was just not good, sneezing, blowing my nose, trying to get the rest that I needed to watch all these babies.

God drove last week. I have NO clue how I got through the week smooth sailing. I didn't blow a gasket, I was pretty calm even tho I have a particular SCREAMER!

This week is a different story. The sun is shining and there is a smell of fresh rain, but I'm not feeling it! I am feeling grumpy inside. I'm not quite sure what the problem is. In my quiet reflection place I was trying to figure it out too.

Last night talking to "bret" he thinks its just in the air. The kids seem snottier lately. They seen Naughty even. For example.....Monday I told Josie NOT to touch the babies face or hands with her dirty hands. The kids were outside playing in the dirt/cat poop (we have cats that come in our yard. Why is it we are the ONLY tenants with no pets but we have all the POOP?) Madi just got her shots and she doesn't need to be getting sick.

Every day Josie has been touching the babies. Tuesday she got in trouble because Karrea found a pencil, threw it on the trampoline and Josie proceeded to color on the mat. Twice she has gotten in trouble for saying "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND". I have always disliked that. I had a cousin Gina that would say that to me whenever I was over at her house.

I have told Anthony 20 times NOT to go outside without 1. taking your socks off, or 2. Put your shoes on. Needless to say he got his socks muddy again!

Justice has been on the mouthy side to me and his sister Karrea. I know what is new.

Shai has been a little on the mouthy side when it comes to us not letting her get her driving hours.

Karrea was a little snotty last night to the kids after 4:00 and she is a little snotty today too!

I guess the bottom line is.........Spring Fever is NOT a good thing in this house this week!

I have raised my voice more than I truly want to.

I told Ron last night, after I finally gave him his birthday card (his birthday was on Sunday). He said to me, its about time, you blew me off most of the weekend. I said 'sucks doesn't it?' He looked at me puzzled. I said, where were you on my birthday. OOOPS. (he was out looking at Adrienne's Car.....all night for about 3 hours even after Adrienne explained to him it was okay).
I told Ron I hate being the snotty one. I don't like how I feel, I don't like that person that has to be the bad guy. I hate having to be the Naughty juice giver, the time out giver, the "You forgot my birthday and gave me a card 2 days late and so I'm doing that to you."......giver. But I do. And I Hate it!

What else am I supposed to do? Is that part of NURTURING?

I can't wait to have more time to get to conference talks. I missed a lot, being in the motel, and shopping. From what I have seen and heard, it was wonderful! Maybe that is where I will receive answers to my questions this springy fever day! LOL

Monday......our return to Nebraska

2010-04-11T21:47:00.003-05:00

Someones phone went off at 7:30 am BUMMER. I got up and got ready. The rest followed. We checked out and ventured out to the Distribution Center and Seagull Book Store. We hit a few Deseret Industry Thrift Shops. Some were nice, Some were scary!

I found some dresses for Karrea and a suit coat for Justice. Justice found some models that he can use for his School Modeling class. 5.00 for 2 of them. Sure beats the almost 20.00 at Hobby Lobby.

The sun was shining. It was nice. We found ourselves at Denny's for Lunch. The girls had breakfast food, the guys had lunch!

We left Salt Lake City around 1:00 pm. It started to rain, then sleet......snow.......hail. It got kind of scary, but with my dark sunglasses on, I found comfort. The drive was long. The weather wasn't good most of the way. There was another White Out, but I was comforted.

I didn't feel like sitting and eating anywhere. WE picked up snacks along the way. I just needed to get home. I was getting so tired of driving. The kids slept 90 percent of the way home leaving me alone and tired and a little stressed. That sounds like my life most of the days. I know that God drove home from North Platte.

I don't remember a thing. I tried to be alert. I would sing to the ipod. I would try and mess around to keep my mind from wondering so blankly at the road. I tried hot chocolate. I was afraid it would put me to sleep being so hot, or I would be wide awake when I got home, I knew I would need to be alert for all the babies that were coming on Tuesday.

We got home at 2:00am. What a long drive. I really don't want to have to do that again. I would hope that someone would choose to stay awake with me and keep me company. I didn't want to ask anyone to drive. The only time the weather was decent was when we hit Nebraska. I didn't want to add stress to anyone or have my Denali totalled. HHA

I really could feel that I was guided, I was (we) were watched over. My eyes were heavy. My body was so tense. (I was sore for 2 days, just from the drive).

All in all, the trip was worth the spirit felt on Temple Square. The light in Justice's eyes at the Saviors feet. The spirit that Kelci and Tony Shared.

I'm grateful that I went!

The journey to Salt Lake and Back reflected on my journey here in life. I'm grateful for that journey, good and bad! Thank you M Russell Ballard for your talk. I pray that Adrienne will someday see that I was a good example, even though she doesn't appreciate me now!

Thank you Julie Beck for your words of hope and encouragement. I will not be a woman that needs petting or correction.......I will find my appreciation in Father's words of encouragement and correction!

Sunday

2010-04-11T21:12:00.002-05:00

Tony's alarm went off early Sunday Morning. That was a bummer! So much for sleeping in.
The kids got up and went swimming. I ate the other two cinnamon rolls. YUMMY..Heaven once again!

We all got ready for the day. I didn't bring a slip, so I got Church dress on, but felt weird and see through. I headed to Walmart to see if they had a slip. Utah, of all places, Walmart didn't have ONE slip. Fine!!!

We were ready for breakfast/lunch. We found a Denny's WE sat there for a few hours. Trying to figure out if Adrienne is ready to get married. WE did a Pro's and Con's list. The pro's were good, but the Con's were overwhelming and needed to be looked at deeper. Was it a misunderstanding, or was it real.

We ordered. I had a panini type sandwich. Adrienne had breakfast, and Justice had a burger and fries.

Adrienne acted a lot better after eating. If you have an "illness" and choose not to take your medicine, isn't the ludicrous? It just doesn't make sense to me. You are hypoglycemic, take your medicine. A balance of nutrition. Why would you choose to treat your loved ones so rudely, and inappropriately. That to me is immature, and needs to be changed. I know I need a DR Pepper almost once a day. I take it, I may be about 10 pounds over weight because of that decision, but I function nicer, calmer, faster, and better. I call it my ZOLOFT. It is cheaper, It may have an effect on my later. I hope not. I hope I can function better someday without it, but for now I don't feel guilty having a POP once a day.

After Denny's I felt impressed to drive up past the Temple and go up the mountain by the capital building. (I think that is what it is) The view was fantastic. WE took lots of pictures on the camera and the phone. There were some really nice houses there. You could see trails up and down the mountain side. It reminded me of the trails that we have. Some smooth, some rocky. You would see some really nice houses and then see a "scary" house in the middle. Reminded me of People itself. Some of us are more polished and taken care of then others. Some us make the most of what we have given, some of us take the blessings for granted and get puffed up due to the over abundance of worldly posessions. WE forget that we need to be frugal, and give, and choose the better part to spend our money and talents.

We got done with picture taking and parked in front of the Deseret Book Store across from Temple Square. We waited for Tony and Kelci. We all went back to the hotel, changed our clothes and then headed to Red Robin. A really fantastic restaurant we kept seeing commercials for. Justice was still full from the burger he ate at Denny's, so he ordered a shake, lemonade kind. It was really good. I got a chicken sandwich and endless fries. It was so good. Kelsi and Tony got a burger and Adrienne got a croissant with Chicken, and fries.

What a delicious day!

Earlier that day, after Denny's Adrienne talked with Chris about the Pro's and Con's list. I said to them........The Lord thinks you should relax and enjoy each other. Pick one thing that you want the other to work on. Apparently they don't accept each other for who they are. Adrienne is constantly saying the problem in the relationship is her.......I say, she is too immature to take on this responsibility. I don't think she has a right to hurt other people in her process and journey. It truly hurts me that she is like this. This is not who Heavenly Father needs her to be. She is like her dad. That makes me sad too. I know how lonely my journey has been and don't wish that on anyone.

I hope my counsel will help them. It is meant to be a loving counsel.

We got back to the hotel and we got ready for bed. We were all trying to watch a movie but we were dozing off and on. I think Justice ended up turning off the tv. Around 3:00 am he woke me up asking where the exit was. I was lost, he was confused, he went to the bathroom and I fell back asleep.

Time alone.

2010-04-11T20:20:00.003-05:00

We walked to Deseret book store to find it totally packed. It was during the priesthood session so I think the ladies were all hanging out there. Tony found his book that he wanted but we would have stood in line for 2 hours to get it. I told him I would take him to seagull bookstore Monday before we left and to the distribution center.

We saw Liz Lemon Swindle there. She was autographing pictures that you could have for free if you bought any of her products. Again, didn't want to wait in line all night. I stood in line to talk with Emily Freeman to thank her for the book she wrote 21 days closer to Christ, but some lady was hogging all her time. It seemed like they were old friends. Figured, I was intruding. I walked off. We saw Sheri Dew with Sister Nelson (Russell Nelsons 2nd wife). There was a few other people there, the lady that is famous for making the Lion house pastries. Angela Johnston? I think she is a sculpture. I was just really neat to be there. Even though it was wall to wall chaos.

We left and rode the trac. We were on the University trac. I was not really sure what that meant....We should have been on the Sandy Trac. That takes us to the hotel. The University takes us Up by the East Mountains. We hopped off when the Free ride was over. We stood outside in the chill and talked with some people from Washington state. They were there for conference and enjoying the Trac ride. I don't know why we were supposed to be there, but for some reason I didn't get my butt off the seat when the announcer said.....get off here to connect to the Sandy trac. Tony's eyes were big......Sorry Tony. I think I worried him. It all worked out and we had a great visit.

We got back to the motel and I think the kids went to check out the pool. I had about an hour to myself. I watched some of the conference that I had heard on Temple Square and in the Joseph Smith Building. I needed focus on what Sister Beck had to share. One of my favorite talks. I caught her just as she was quoting Sister SNOW. "Woman should be women not be babies that need petting and corrected all the time" How profound to me! So true!!! So many times in my life I have felt like I needed this. This would make me happy! Time and time again I find that.......it doesn't happen when we need it too. And quite frankly, we don't need it. God will take care of us.
I enjoyed two of the Lion House rolls, they melted in my mouth. It was truly like being in Heaven. Messages of hope and direction and nourishment to the lips!

DC........fun times!

2010-04-11T19:55:00.003-05:00

After the Deseret Book Store It was time to go to the Distribution Center. The BIG ONE. I wanted Adrienne to have a better choice of dresses to choose from. They had a few more than the Joseph Smith Building. I tried to gently show her some of the styles that I liked. She was not a nice camper. She was often times rude. It was really hard to feel the spirit of what we were doing there.

When Kelci talked to me about going to Salt Lake City the main goal in my mind was maybe we could find Adrienne some special things there. Maybe she could find her temple clothes, and maybe even a dress at the Deseret Industries ( a thrift shop). I was willing to sacrifice my money, and time to help Adrienne build memories and get a few things out of the way for her wedding.

This was NOT going as planned. Adrienne was either ON the PHONE, or being totally uncooperative. It was really disheartening. I felt my frustration rise to where it really shouldn't have even surfaced. Adrienne's attitude about this journey was not nice at all. I could see that she wasn't feeling good. Her allergies or head cold was getting the best of her, but I knew she wasn't doing what she should have been doing for herself. ONE.....she hadn't eaten anything since the night before and that was a fruit smoothie, no protein at all. Second, she needed to take a decongestant, but couldn't because she wouldn't eat. Every time her and Chris were on the phone it distracted the very purpose we were there. I was starting to feel very hurt.

I finally said to her.......in the middle of all the dresses by the dressing Room......DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE ARE HERE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A SACRED PLACE. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME. TO STAND HERE AND CHOOSE THE VERY THING YOU ARE GOING TO BE SEALED IN FOR TIME AND ALL ETERNITY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS IMPORTANT. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU WILL EVER DO!

I walked off. About 5 minutes went by and she decided to pick some dresses out and try them on, even though earlier she complained that she didn't like to try things on. (one of the first things a bride to be does, is go to the bridal stores and tries on dresses. What a fun journey. Whether its with a bunch of friends or your sister and mom, wouldn't you take the opportunity and enjoy that fun journey?) I never once worried about losing weight. I just tried on dresses. I dreamed about my wedding ring. I was so excited. I tried to be open minded about all the things that we could do. In fact, a few days before the wedding, my wedding dress needed to be altered, an inch on each side needed to be added. OOPS!!! But it was OKAY! I was so happy to be marrying my friend!

I had one of the volunteers talk with Adrienne. She took us in a little private room (even though Justice was in there, it was still private, he just sat in the chair relaxing for a bit). She talked about some of the things that happen in the temple. She was very understanding and very helpful. I hope she touched Adrienne's mind and heart.

We got through the line with ease. Adrienne even found the dress she liked on a discount rack and so I think she paid 12.00 for it. (I paid for her clothes actually)

After the clothing part of the store, I cased the place for books and things. I picked up a Hymns made simplified. Take some of the stress off of me when I play the Harder songs. I picked up Thomas S Monsons life DVD and a Scripture study guide DVD.

WE headed to Seagull Book store just around the corner and I found Karrea some books, Justice a tie and mom a picture frame for her birthday. I need to fill that frame with pictures now.

Again, we lost Adrienne. Both mentally and physically.

WE had a trip or two to walmart to get Justice some Ibuprophen and Adrienne picked up some benadryl. She also picked up some special K protein packets that you can put into a bottle of water. She took some of that and she seemed a little better.

I asked the lady at Seagull if she knew where I could find a car wash, I couldn't stand touching that dirty old Denali. EW. I noticed that LOW OIL PRESSURE buzzer kept going. It started to get our nerves...would only shut off if I got past 2000 rpms. I was a little nervous, called Ron (that was first time I called him since I got there) He was a little worried, told me to check a few things. All seemed good. Maybe it was just the altitude. He didn't think that would effect a car, but I think it does.

On our way back to the hotel we noticed a Chevron right across the street from Little America.
We were washed Clean. 1 from the Denali, and 2 from Adriennes crabby attitude because she hadn't eaten. It was nice. We were able to focus. We headed to Olive Garden when we saw Tony and Kelci rounding the corner. Between phones going dead and texting, we missed each other while they were there at temple square.

Justice was sick, so he stayed in the motel. Adrienne, Tony, Kelci and I enjoyed our supper at Olive Garden. I had soup and Salad. Kelci had her regular Ravioli, Tony had Lasagna, and Adrienne tried a rich and creamy pasta with chicken. (not what I would have had on a empty stomach). After Olive Garden Tony wanted to check out Deseret Book store. I turned around and Adrienne was gone. Kelci said she didn't feel well and headed to the motel...BY HER SELF AGAIN. I felt really helpless. We had each tried to encourage her to get positive. Nothing worked really. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make her drink.

Saturday is a special day........so the song says!

2010-04-11T19:31:00.002-05:00

Tony and I were ready for a hearty breakfast. Kelci showed us a great little place to eat. We walked to the Royal Eatery a few blocks away. We were about a block away from the TRAC but we walked. The breakfast was super. Justice isn't much of a breakfast person but the gentlemen made him a lunch special. A Huge hamburger and delicious fries and fry sauce. We both got a soda too. It was chilly in Salt Lake, we didn't pack too many Warmer Weather clothes, so I ended up wearing my sweatshirt that I wore the night before. This way I didn't have to take my purse everywhere. I couldn't get Adrienne to eat anything. She was really cranky. She got on my nerves really quickly.

After Breakfast we headed to temple square. Adrienne refused to walk with us. I turned around and she was gone. I tried calling her, she didn't answer, so I texted Chris, I turned around and she was finally in site, about 4 blocks behind us. I don't think she realized she was in downtown Salt Lake. Justice was nervous just be seeing all the homeless men and women.

My phone was going dead. I had two bars left. I knew Adrienne's needed charged too.
The first stop was temple square. I took a picture of justice at the water fountain and the temple. We then went into the Joseph Smith building and down to the distribution center. I wanted Adrienne to look at the dresses and different fabrics. She half heartily looked. I was a little disappointed.

I found Shai a necklace for her torch, I bought Justice a scripture case, and I found a video. Tony and Kelci were going to go ahead of us since they had actually tickets to the conference center. We headed over to the tabernacle and sat and watched Elder Eyring speak. Justice was a little overwhelmed to think that he was actually across the street. Next time I'm going to stand in line for stand by tickets, WE WILL GO TO CONFERENCE!!!

After he spoke we headed to the Visitor Center. I wanted Justice to have the opportunity to stand at the Saviors Feet. The Christus. It was quite noisy going in. People were busy taking pictures and laughing and talking. It was a different spirit them from the first time I saw it at the age of 8. I remember it was a lot bigger (course I was smaller than). I asked Adrienne to take a picture of Justice and I. AS I walked closer to the statue I felt the warmth and love the Savior must have for each of us, the impression of the nail print in his foot was overwhelming to me. The sacrifice for all of us. Whether we believe in him or not, He did a selfless act. In return he asks us to follow his example! I had my bag of stuff on the couch with all my money. I asked Adrienne to keep an eye on it while we got our picture taken. I turned around to look at the statue once again. Ponder on my thoughts. I turned back around and Adrienne was gone. Luckily my bag was still there.

I was so disappointed by now. She either walked 100 ft behind us or 100 feet ahead. We were not one. I was so proud of Justice. He was starting to get sick. Allergies or head cold, he wasn't sure. He tried to keep on top of the Ibuprofen so he could enjoy this journey he was on. I could see this "Prophet" soak up the spirit on the temple grounds. I could see him struggle to keep interested and not let the headache over power him.

After the Visitor Center, it was a quick stop, we headed to the Deseret Book Store. Justice was on the prowl for a new CTR ring. In the process of finding the rings I noticed that John Bytheway was signing books. I hurried and got in line, picked out a book for him to sign for Justice and a CD to sign for the family. I introduced John to Justice and we joked a minute or two. Reminded him of our encounter at Kansas City. WE laughed. I was going to ask for a picture, but I didn't want to bother him any longer, the line was getting longer too.

Over the intercom they announced that Michael McClean was there. We Walked by, I showed Justice. I saw Sheri Dew at the door and I shook her hand, i was going to see if I could introduce Justice but she was busy talking to some one. I didn't want to be rude and interrupt. A worker was working on the front door. This was a new building. Sheri is the President of the Deseret Book. I'm sure she was there on business.

Justice couldn't find the ring he wanted on the picture turn around that was in the middle of the store so he checked all of the little "pockets" that had his size. ONE RING.....not pictured. It was his. I believe God placed it there himself, just for Justice. (LOL)

WE stood in line and purchased our finds. I bought a four pack of Lion House Cinnamon rolls and warned that I was NOT sharing! (I didn't either....I also gained 5 pounds on this trip too) I bought Elder Uchdorfs book, John Bytheways newest CD, and Sports book, and a couple of journals from YW.

It was a special day at the Deseret. I wished I had the time to meet all their guests.

McDonalds Smoothies!

2010-04-11T19:00:00.002-05:00

I filled up the Denali in Cheyenne after the white out. Got to stretch a little, take a potty break. When we left Nebraska it was in the 50's. In Cheyenne it was in the 30's and it was snowing a bit. What a difference a few hours makes on the road. Some of the passengers were in shorts, I didn't feel sorry for them tho. HAHA

We got to Salt Lake around 4:15. I am so grateful for GPS's I wouldn't have gone on this trip if I didn't have one. My navigator quit on me a couple of times, (Adrienne because she would get a phone call) That was frustrating, so someone else would have to navigate for me. That is the story of my life. Seems like when I need her the most, she cancels out on me! (Except for my birthday this year, she came through on that! woot woot)

We got changed and headed to take Kelci and Tony to Tony's mission reunion in Sandy. Tony served in the South Africa mission a few years ago. Justice, Adrienne and I drove around looking for a mall or Walmart. We found a Party Place. We spent about an hour or so looking around and talking to the sales clerk about table ideas, etc. I ended up spending 150.00 on the reception Toasting glasses, pen, guest book, garter, knife and serving set.

After the party place we drove around to find something to eat. We ended up at the Children's Play Place in McDonalds. I texted Elder Matt Hansen to see if he was still going to meet up with us. He was in Alpine eating supper with his girlfriends family. We got to McDonalds around 8:00. Tony's shindig wasn't over until 9:30 pm

Around 9 Matt texted me and said he would be there in a minute. Um, he got there around 9:39. I felt terrible that I hadn't picked up Tony and Kelci. They found someone who would give them a ride to where we were.

In that time between 8:00 and 9:30 a lot had happened. All Adrienne had eaten that day was a subway sandwich. She was starting to get a head cold, or allergies. I asked her if she wanted something to eat but she gave me excuses she didn't like spending her money on food. I offered, she just wanted a berry smoothie. Justice and I got a mcDouble. We knew we needed the protein. Justice had asked if he could taste her smoothie, she took the lid and straw out and just tossed it quickly to him, but it landed on the floor. Got pink on his shoelaces and tennis shoes. He quickly picked it up and put it back on the cup, thanking his sister for the taste! Haha!

I gave just a 10.00 bill to get us each a smoothie, Strawberry banana and a mixed berry. They looked really refreshing. The man the counter handed JD the 5.00 bill, but didn't hand him the .71. That puzzled Justice so he stood there waiting for his change. A lady got behind the counter, kind of shushed Justice out of the way to help the Mexican customer behind him. The lady handed the man a Bill, and then the man got his change from the "change cup" on the counter. Justice put two and two together and the Mexican man was pleased at his extra change.

Justice brought the smoothies over and we were talking about his "lesson learned" Always look for a change cup if the "worker" doesn't hand you coins, haha.

Adrienne was going to town on her fingernails. I told her if she could see herself in the mirror, she would be really embarrassed. Justice suggested she chew on something else so she found her straw from her smoothie. Justice was laughing so hard neither one of us could figure out what he was saying for about 20 seconds. Finally he calmed down enough to spit out what his thoughts were.......'ISN'T THAT THE STRAW THAT FELL ON THE FLOOR?"

Adrienne dug in the "trash" bag on the table. She grabbed a napkin and was scrapping her tongue with it, like a silly noodle. She was so extreme and over exaggerating, it was hilarious. She threw that one in the bag and grabbed another one and was profusely chewing on it, then she pulled it out of her mouth to find that there was a blue piece of gum stuck in it. Justice and I couldn't catch our breath. WE had to keep ourselves from rolling on the ground. We finally spit out that that was MY gum in the napkin. She told us that the first napkin was the one she blew her nose on, and wondered why it was salty! I think we burned all the calories that we had just eaten by laughing so hard. I am so glad we won't be seen in that mcDonalds Ever again.

Matt and Lauren showed up and we shared our story with them. They spent about 45 minutes with us. It was good to meet Lauren and it was so nice to give Matt a couple of hugs. I feel very blessed to have met such wonderful people, from a wonderful place in life.

Tony and Kelci never did show up so we drove to the church and picked them up. Their ride was busy talking so they were vegging on the couch together. I'm grateful they were patient with us, and they were safe.

We headed to the hotel and crashed for the night. Someones phone went off at the crack of dawn, that wasn't very cool. I think Mr. Nebraska forgot we were in a time zone change! Made us all a little grumpy!

White outs and Semi Trucks

2010-04-11T18:36:00.003-05:00

Friday morning I woke up to a light. Not the Jesus Light, the Kitchen light. I looked at the clock, it was a quarter til 5:00 AM. We are supposed to have the Denali packed and ready to go. I looked at my Ipod for the Alarm, I had set it for 4:30 PM, and yes, that went off at the hotel later that day. UGH

I rushed around. Praying that I wouldn't forget anything, getting in the ZONE. You mom's know what ZONE I'm talking about. You don't want to hear things, you just peace and quiet so you can concentrate on the things you need to do. Too many people were in my zone, I did end up missing a few things, but that's okay.

I grabbed my dark sunglasses 5 seconds before heading out the door, I had two pair on the counter, I knew my Pink ones were in the Denali already. I had taken them out the night before. There were some people who advised Kelci NOT to go because of the weather. This upset her. I prayed about it Thursday with her. I asked her if She wanted to Take the Pontiac to save gas, or Take the Denali that was All Wheel Drive. She talked it over with Tony, and they agreed Safety first. I asked Adrienne, she said it would be a good idea if we could get someone else to split the cost. I went outside and asked Justice how much money he had. "200.00, Why" I said do you want to spend 120.00 to go to Salt Lake City? He lit up! He was so excited. I was excited for him. I would've loved to have taken Shai, but I knew she was out of cash, and I didn't have enough, and someone needed to help dad with the children. Especially Madi. (it takes a few weeks of us getting used to having babies in the house again)

We hopped in the Denali and headed for the "hills". The trip to Salt Lake seemed to go quickly. We hit a white out in Wyoming, Not at Evanston (the rumor was the road was closed there). We hit it way before. I kept getting the impression to follow this specific trucker, but he was hauling fast. I couldn't believe he could go so fast, at least 65 or 70. I wondered how he could see. There was a horse trailer flipped on its side with kids running on the road, It must have just happened 15 minutes earlier. We saw another Semi JACK KNIFE.....yet this trucker was going so fast. I lost him for about 5 minutes, all I could see what the grey stripes he was leaving in the fast lane. I followed the best I could.

Adrienne remembered an email she received from Chris's aunt Jacquie about wearing your dark sunglasses in a downpour of Rain. Turn off the windshield wipers and just watch the road. She handed me my sunglasses and asked me if this would work in the White OUT. I tried them. It was like NIGHT and DAY. I felt a calm come over me. I wasn't blinded by WHITE anymore. The snow turned Tan, and the Road turned Tan, and the Semi was more visible to me. I continued to follow the semi, if he got in a particular lane, I followed, if he slowed down, I did the same. I hoped that I wouldn't annoy him by following so close but He Truly SAVED me! and the 4 other passengers in the Denali.

I had Kelci write a note on a piece of paper to the Trucker. When the pathway was clear I had Adrienne put the paper up to her window, the Semi driver was talking on the phone even! The note said....

YOU ROCK, THANK YOU FOR LETTING US FOLLOW YOU SO CLOSE!

He waved and LOW AND BEHOLD, HE HAD HIS DARK AVIATOR SUNGLASSES ON TO!

I felt so blessed!!! To be guided. I had to pull over later just to loosen my grip on the steering wheel. White knuckles All the way!

Do you see how this can be a life lesson? Follow your own true Guide. Do what you are asked to do. Follow the spirit in all that you do and say. Jesus Christ Will never lead you astray.

I never once felt the Denali Waiver. I try to believe that I don't waiver in my testimony too. I have all wheels on the ground and follow the right path. It does bring you safety and Peace

Diaper LAND FILL

2010-03-31T13:53:00.002-05:00

This morning I woke up to the aroma of a diaper land fill. I usually put diapers in a walmart sack and put them in the trash can, but I'm thinking someone didn't follow protocol like they should have (ron?).

Ron thought he woke up to a bunch of teenage boys that had foot fungus! NOPE. Its the trash can. He was too lazy to take it out, and I'm not dung filling it! so It stays until maybe the babies leave and Justice can put on his gas mask and take it far far away!

Life with 5 poopy babies is crazy. Its been a couple of weeks now so I'm getting into a routine. I'm so glad to see that they are happier here. I'm happier too. I don't stress when little miss Madi Sue decides she is having major VOICE lessons between the hours of 3-3:30. Does she know I should charge 20.00 per half hour, that is what Shai's teacher charges me. I just let her "sing" and then she passes out.

Little Talon, wow, if that boy is not pooping, he is eating or crying. NOT much sleeping for this boy with GERD.

Can you tell me what they put in baby formula because man, its STINKS! It makes me want to throw up all the time. If my kids had a stinky the next day its because I partook of some delicious Chinese buffet, or maybe even a little brocolli and chicken. What is their excuse? P.U.!

I am trying not to get all depressed. I know I'm more than a poopy diaper changing machine and a booger picker upper from a masked flinger. I even had to give a little guy (little is not the word, he is 1 years old and almost 40 pounds) He had "mus-tird" all over the place. Bless Karrea's heart, she got the carpet cleaner out for me.

I am so looking forward to Friday! Good luck while I'm gone RON! bwhaaahaaaahaaa

Counting down the days

2010-03-25T14:45:00.003-05:00

About a month ago a friend of mine was going to ask if they could borrow my car to travel to Utah. I have no problem with the Law of Consecration, at least when it comes to my car. Now my Car is a boat. Its a GMC Yukon Denali. It does not drink BUD LIGHT, it is a GAS HOG. I knew that buying it. Course, fuel back then was 1.76 a gallon, its up a dollar now. I knew that too. The year before I bought it the Fuel was 4.00 a gallon. Knowing GREED runs deep, I had a feeling Fuel would sky rocket again, but still, I had to have the YUKON for family/business/Missionary toting reason. That being known, I also knew I could drive Ron's Pontiac Grand Prix when ever I want to. (said like a 2 year old). NO worries, all my problems were solved.

I said to my friend, Now Ron is not as generous as I am with MY vehicle. Do you realize you would be driving the YUKON for the two of you? Do you realize it would be about 300.00 in gas up and back? Do you realize that if you "break it, you buy it?" AT 43,000.00? (new of course, that is not what I paid). Or 1000.00 deductible? Hmmmmmm. I was starting to panic myself.

A quick thought came to me. Ask Adrienne and Chris. Maybe Adrienne will drive you! :D
That fell through. Then the thought came to me. Maybe I'll drive the Pontiac, and Adrienne and the other two could come along. That sounded like a plan.

I am preparing. I have taken on more kids, which in turn should mean more money. (that is IF I can stay out of Walmart!) Trish, Chris's mom thought it would be a great idea if she came along. I think that is Super. Since that conversation tho, a few things have COME UP. Like a car accident, and maybe a busted water heater, and a few other odds and ends that LIFE throws at you. We are still trying to find a solution to that fiasco tho. I would really like to spend some more time with her. Besides, her accent is mesmerizing! (from Australia) The Plan was to go Shopping for wedding STUFF in Salt Lake City or surrounding area's. Maybe even the D.I. If I can find the place!

I just have to remember to get the car in check, and my checking account in check. There is no school that day, so I'm hoping between Ron and Shai, the kids can be taken care of. I can't forget to pray for great weather through Wyoming and Utah, and Nebraska.

Oh, the things we look forward too. We want to look at dresses, and invitation ideas, reception ideas, temple dress ideas, party favor ideas. flower ideas, shoe ideas, and food ideas. I think it would be a lot easier if these two would win a million dollars and elope, (take us with them) to the Bahama's. Now, which lottery to play?

Am I missing anything? anyone want to stow away in the trunk?

This thing called AGENCY

2010-03-24T11:21:00.002-05:00

My home is filled with people all the time. Never a dull moment. I like it MOST days. There are so many personalities to tend with , I can barely stand my own.

I have felt expectations are high. I expect a lot out of myself and therefore expect a lot out of the people who reside in my home. Is it a crime to EXPECT something? NO. The Lord Expects many things of us. Straight and narrow path, keep the commandments, live with JOY, and endure to the end.

(What does the word Endure mean? Put up with something or someone that is unpleasant. That is what my dictionary says. What else does it say? Face or endure with courage. Continue to live, endure, last. Be subjected to. Last, be usable. Cease to exist after resistance or struggle. All very thought provoking!)

I feel like I am enduring agency right now. I see the agency that others in my life are using/ not using. It is very hard for a mom to find JOY.

Ron, as you know owns his own carpet cleaning business. Life in the winter is sparse. Yet, I know others who do very well in the carpet cleaning business. Businesses need to keep their carpets clean, regardless of dirt, mud, or snow. Yet, Ron didn't go Job hunting! What does that do to finances? You are correct, it depletes them. He is trying really hard not to whine about it, because all I say is I told you so. in a loving manner! (not) He suggested I go out and find the jobs. UM, I'm not the Owner. Its easy for me to do that...this is HIS lesson to learn.

I have a daughter who is engaged, but for some reason isn't working towards the wedding date. Job wise. Now, even though Ron financially can't afford her help, he is willing to pay for her services, I guess she is just not willing to work it. That puts strain on my nerves, because Ron needs the help. Very frustrating. She needs the money. They both know I'm not going to pay for it. I could, but I'm not. I learned at a very young age with Adrienne you don't hand her anything, you make her work for it, in turn she takes care of it, takes pride in it.

I needed a lot of help last week for being new at the Little baby scene. I asked one of my teenagers to help me until I was got back home. I found the little guy fussing in the piano room while the teenager was on the computer with her friends. Needless to say, the computer is in my office. I expected more help out of everyone last week. Ron was sick in bed ALL week. I did his carpet cleaning jobs, and Adrienne took care of the kids for the most part.

The hard part is not only do I have to live the consequences of ME not using my agency appropriately, (for example eating right) I have to live my life around others consequences of them not using their agency appropriately. The levels of frustration in my mind are BLOWING me away. Which in turn makes my face break out, and my butt get bigger because my only release from pressure is eating! That is my vice. If I had the money, I could easily see shopping as an OUTage. I tried smoking, that didn't work. Dang! at 5.00 a pack, I'd rather shop Cato's, LOL

Oh, to know the Will of God in all of this. I do know. Thy will be done. I give my total Faith that if I live my life Right, God will make it Right. In the mean time. .....don't sweat the small stuff (like finances, wedding date, and teenage, preteen and 4 year old attitudes) Easy peasy!

NOT!

Quiet Weekend

2010-03-22T22:03:00.002-05:00

Saturday I was rudely awaken by pounding on the door. MOM, I NEED A RIDE TO THE CHURCH! 'Ask Adrienne'. Just then her phone SCREAMO rang, it was Adrienne telling her she wasn't home, she Prayed about it and felt Impressed to go to Omaha. Cool! I was up and dressed by the time they got off the phone, no big deal! ?Demanded that Shai remove the screamo crap on the phone, and then proceeded to tell her that she needed to help more around that house and watch the attitude. Sleeping til 10:00 and barely getting her chores done. I think she was a little stressed about Singing in front of 100 or more people but still, to get your mind off of things, SERVE, and then the LORD blesses you for your efforts! How do you teach someone that? I try to teach by example, but I guess I need to do a little better!

I guess she did good at the Stake Activity. She sang one of Jenny Phillips songs. Live like you Believe. I have gotten a few facebook messages saying GOOD JOB! I guess those voice lessons will pay off! as long as she stays away from the screamo. What do kids see/hear in that crap! don't they get enough screamo from us Adults! LOL!! ( I don't yell that much, unless you really tick me off! maybe once a month!)

Came home, cleaned a little, then we all got dressed and headed out, it was a beautiful, slightly chilly day. JD and KC had taco's and Ron and I ate Subway while they watched Princess and the Frog in the Denali. Peaceful lunch for all of us. We ventured off to Walmart. I had a few things on the list, good thing because I forgot my check card somewhere! UGH. Panic! It was in the bank envelope from cashing a check that morning, WHEW!

Got home, lazed around all night. Watched some movies, ate too much, as usual!

Sunday up and at em, good, sunny day. Got to church with a few minutes to spare. Great talks were given, I tried not to doze too much, (LOL Jill, JK)

Classes were good. It was pot luck Sunday and so the building smelled of corn beef and cabbage, YUM. We don't stay. Ron gets anxiety, and there were not that many people but we still didn't stay. Shai did tho.

Justice had bought the WII Resort Game and so that was family home evening. We played Frisbee golf and sword fighting, it was fun. The kids were getting a work out, so were us old fogies!

Today was a pretty quiet day. I'm still getting used to 2 babies. Madi was born in Dec, and Talon is 7 weeks old. If they are not sleeping or eating they are screaming! Makes for a great day! Madi will talk some times too. Good thing they are totally cute!

The house is clean, the fridge is full, and clean, the laundry is done and the menu is made out. Now bring out the sunny weather!!! YAY! (it was 75 degree's today! YAY)

I'm sore, and tired, so I'm off to never never enough sleep land!

Slow bloggin

2010-03-18T18:48:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure what my problem has been about blogging. I haven't been keeping up on my journal either. I think there is a slight feeling like WHO REALLY CARES!

I know we have been commanded to keep a journal. I have read over my journals at certain times in my life and I laugh and I cry and I get prayers answered!

Why am I so funky about writing in my journal/blog?

I think I have been busy. I have had two new kids come to the daycare. I have four kids in the morning now. This week has been crazy because kids are coming and going at all times because its spring break.

It has been really nice having Adrienne home. Ron has been sick since Friday and so Adrienne has helped with the kids while I go out in the real world and clean carpets by myself. I like it. It empowers me. I wonder what men think when they see me lug 80 pound buffer up a flight of stairs. Not that what other people think matters, but it is fun to see their expressions. Ron never married a wuss, that is for sure.

I used to be a push over. I used to be controlled very easily. I'm very proud of the steps I have taken to become Stronger. Not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually. I was reading in the Ensign earlier today about Not relying on the arm of the flesh. Knowledge comes from God, and I'm so grateful for that power and that information. I have never professed to know everything, but what I do know comes from listening to Heavenly Father and from many experiences. What I try NOT to do in life, as I see the younger generation doing so much these days is STATING a fact (blind fact to them) and then being a hypocrite. Do they know how stupid they sound? Take Karrea for example. I placed some "stuff" in front of her to eat. I DON'T LIKE THAT! you haven't even tasted it. WE fight and argue and she finally gives in because she can't have ice cream or a movie unless she eats half. OH I LIKE IT! DUH!!! I knew you would. I find teenagers doing this so often. UGH. LIVE A LITTLE, swallow the pride and at least try and see what your parents are trying to show you, teach you, guide you. WE LOVE YOU.......WHY WOULD WE TRY AND MAKE YOU FAIL!?

No daycare

2010-03-04T08:39:00.002-06:00

I have had a small glimpse of what life would be without daycare. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I didn't have Dustin or Wyatt. Dusting apparently had a fever/flu so I asked Tony to keep the boys away until he is fever free.

Monday I was sitting at a friends home for his mother. She is bedridden. What a peaceful place to be. I haven't had quiet in YEARS!! I enjoyed the time. I went home and tried to get laundry done and some organizing. Ron had a job to do so that was good.

Tuesday was quiet around the house. Ron had a job in Hastings so Karrea and I went to lunch and enjoyed a good, almost warm day.

Wednesday I slept in. I always think its going to be great to sleep in but I have all these bizarre dreams and I wake up more exhausted then if I would have worked out at Just for ladies. Which I have done for almost 6 weeks now. I want to get measured and weighed next week. Aunt Flo was here this week and so I didn't want to depress myself.

Ron, Karrea and Myself went to lunch at McDonald's. Karrea's idea. It worked. I had a chicken Caesar salad with southwest dressing. LOVE IT! 100 cal for the dressing. We hung out at Walmart for almost 2 1/2 hours. I spent too much money. We bought towels and organizational stuff, and Karrea got a Pucci puppy. They are clearing out our work pants so we bought them out. OUCH. I feel guilty! I hate that. I wished I could use our tax return for other things. It is officially GONE!

I went to get my nails done Monday at the mall. They look nice. I have been trying to do it every three weeks instead of 2, to save some money. Those three weeks they look really sad. Its nice to look down and not see MAN hands. After the nail job I went next door to the jewelry store. I had them look at the Ring I got from My grandmothers estate. They said they have never seen a ring that beautiful. Beth shined it up for me, took of the metal "snuggy" and tested the diamonds to see if they are real. YEP. Wow. Its about a 1000.00 ring. Beth told me to go next door to Claire's and buy some plastic snuggys so I won't keep scratching the gold off the band. They were 5.00 for 5. I hope they work out.

I wasn't named in my grandma's will. The power of attorney told me to set up a trust fund for the remainder of Grandma's funds. That left my kids with 250.00 a piece. She didn't want them touching it until they were 18. Too funny. Why would you make kids wait 6 or more years to get 250.00. I gave it to them. Now if it was 5000.00 a piece I would have. I thought they were going to get more, because of the money in her bank account but Paul said it will probably get eaten up in probate. UGH. 500.00 goes to the lawyers, I don't get it. I am the last living relative, Paul, her power of attorney is still alive. You know granny is gone, give the kids the money, not the lawyers. I don't get politics. All I can say is they are lucky its not more money than that!

My adventures in NON babysitting were fun. I didn't get too bored. I found myself in a great mood.

Last night at midnight tho we were woke up to Karrea saying she threw up. Ron had throw up duty. At 2:00 Justice came in and said she threw up again. I asked her to help her, he said he couldn't stand the smell. Ron came in the bedroom retching, lol he couldn't handle it either. WIMPS. I went in there like a trooper. She was so cute just laying there. I said, why didn't you get up and go to the toilet. DADDY TOLD ME TO PUKE IN THE TRASH CAN. Thanks daddy! UGH well, she missed the trash can.

Justice lost his lunch and supper and snack too, I guess he's not going to school.

Even tho I didn't have sick daycare kids, my kids got sick. Life sure is funny!

I'm house sitting again today. What a peaceful, spiritual place to be. I worked out, and then headed over here, and after I'm done here I'm heading to Grand Island (46 miles away) to meet up with my step mom. She wants to take me out to lunch. LOL the gas will cost me more than it will cost her for lunch, but time together is Priceless...........RIGHT????

She wants to go and visit her sister in the nursing home in Aurora too. Polly, who is down syndrome was my best friend growing up. Shame on me for wanting my own room at 14, that is when the abuse started. I should have kept her as my room mate and then maybe she would have continued to protect me. I love you Polly! You are my hero!

The sun is out, its supposed to be 52 degrees today. I can't wait to take in some vitamin D!!!

Sunday Feb. 28th

2010-03-01T09:49:00.003-06:00

Sunday was a great day. About 3 weeks ago Ron was asked to give a talk in Sacrament. Ron has been a member of the church for 21 years and has only given a talk once. I think we have all new members of the ward now so it was time for Ron to show his talents again.

Shai was also asked to give a talk. She talked first, started off by saying that about a month ago we were talking about the 2nd coming of Jesus and we were sure that a sure sign would be Dad giving a talk in Church. Well, the past few weeks we have been preparing for the 2nd coming because dad said Yes to giving a talk. Getting our water storage, and food storage and pocket change ready.

Shai talked on tithing. All the blessings we can receive by obeying that commandment. She did a great job.

Ron was next (we had a high counselor speak). Ron got up and started pretty quiet. Everyone was still. He told them about the weekend that the familiy went to Omaha. He talked about the furnace going out. The ignitor needed replaced. He talked about being lonely, cold, and bored, which reminded him of the Plan of Happiness. People got a chuckle out of that.

I think people were in shock that Ron would even get up there. When he first joined the church he told the Bishopric he would never get up there and if they asked he would quit coming to church. He has come a long way. His talk lasted about 15 min. I don't know how much people got out of Ron's talk. I'm sure their minds were on "how much water do I have stored", OR " I wonder if Jesus will come from the East or the West" It was amazing how quiet the chapel was as he spoke. We are very proud of him.

Many people came up to him after wards. It was hard getting out of the building. The Bishop told Ron he needed to speak more often. I have to agree....yet it does put a burden on his secretary. LOL!!

After Sacrament we went home and got changed so we could hit the road and help my dad and mom move into their duplex in Grand Island. I brought sub sandwich fixings and chips, fruit, cookies, candy bars, and water.

We arrived just in time to finish up. I helped mom unpack a few things. Her kitchen is almost done. Roger came over with his friend Terry. Lyle and Michael were there for a bit. Kristi, Audrey, and Bri came to visit. Dana, Thomas and Keagan came to visit. We had a good time. No hitting, kicking or biting went on. I think that is a first for the Warnke family.

They have a cute place. I'm very happy for them. I hope it all works out, I hope we can come and visit often.

I don't know what retirement is going to look like for mom, she has always been very busy. Dad too.

Good luck.

We headed home around 8:00. Couldn't figure out eats so we went to HY VEE and got some munchies. Saw a couple of church members there. Teased that they were sabbath breakers but they were getting fixings for Mary Clarks funeral that is to be held today at 10:00am. She had cancer and really didn't know. She didn't suffer much. What a sweet person she was. I don't think anyone had any ill to say about her. How many of us can say that?

Rest in Peace Mary! You are loved and cherished!

Visit to Omaha

2010-02-22T11:03:00.002-06:00

Friday we couldn't stand it. We were all so excited to go to Omaha and have a fun filled weekend. We got to Chris's around 8:00ish? The GPS had us in the middle of NO WHERE! I think I need to go to Fat Dogs here in town and buy me a tee shirt that says YOU ARE NOWHERE. Whenever I have to use the GPS I'm going to wear that T-shirt. Ron and I have literally been in the middle of Cows because the GPS SWEARS that is where the House is. Poor van was 4 wheeling in ruts and it was quite scary! We have been in the middle of a corn field LITERALLY once. It had us 8 miles west of where the house actually was on the highway. How can that be? And she is bossy too. Make a U-TURN. Its more annoying when you KNOW where you are going and she demands a u-ey right there.

Anyways....We got there and visited a bit, played some games, got settled in, and Karrea watched Jonah the veggie tales. She loved it!

Saturday morning I awoke to breakfast smells, cinnamon rolls and omelets and sausage! OH MY FAVORITE......i love breakfast food.

We headed off to the temple around 10:00 am. Got there just in time. Enjoyed the spirit there. Enjoyed knowing that Grandma and Grandpa Warnke are sitting together finally. I can't wait to go and do their work for them.

After the Temple we met up with Chris, Adrienne and Karrea at Olive Garden. My food was just coming as everyone was getting to go containers for my meal was FREE! YAY! We had a great visit. Chris and Adrienne and karrea (AKA party poopers) went back to Chris's and the rest of us walked the mall. Had a blast people watching! Do some people really let their kids out of the house looking like that? Pants on the ground, hat on sideways, walking, talking......pants on the ground. Wow!

We visited Target, I found a cute sweater. I slopped food on my shirt on the last bite I took. UGH. Off to shop we go. Good thing my income tax return came in, this was ONE expensive trip. I had 7 mouths to feed, plus gas. Wow! I'm broke now! haha

Got home, played some ping pong, enjoyed talking, and just enjoyed being.

Sunday Up and At em. We were just getting into the church just as the bishops wife was entering. I don't feel bad, Haha!

It was ward conference. Very entertaining. A singles ward with a four year old. I'll just say this, the sneeze and breeze was very entertaining, just as the Stake Presidents phrase was.....Something Smells Good! (he was telling a story) Two rows busted up laughing. Karrea just kept on playing with the Ipod, not an excuse me or a grin. I had to dig for a Kleenex to wipe my tears. I hope he thinks its because his story was so touching and not because he knew my four year blew one!

We left after sacrament. I didn't think Miss Karrea could last 2 more hours she was already begging to go "home". We left. Adrienne made us lunch, I baked more cookies and made a fruit salad, cleaned out the fridge (eewww). We enjoyed the company.

We planned on Elaine's but she had to "NAP". (Chris thinks she is just scared of me. I admit I do bite hard if I haven't eaten). I respected that. I was going to go over anyway, but I was WARNED in big RED LETTERS.........I kind of pictured the BEWARE OF DOG SIGN so I stayed away. NEXT TIME BEWARE, I'M COMING OVER! haha!

She didn't know there were 7 of us. I think she would have enjoyed the comedian group I had. We had never laughed so hard! We have some funny inside jokes now! LOVE IT!

We left around 3:45. The roads were crazy in some spots. We stopped at TA for supper. All you can eat! YOU KNOW IT! I got compt on Shai's meal so that one only cost me 30.00 for 5 people. YAY! We made it home with our belly's full. Good thing, the furnace ignitor had been out all weekend and so Ron had the heaters running in a few different rooms. The house was pretty cleaned, and the laundry was done and folded and he said he missed us! YAY! He missed talking to people, and snuggles! YAY!!!

What a great weekend! I feel very blessed! Can't wait to go again!

Elaine...........Ready or NOT here I come!

Valentine's Day?

2010-02-17T16:48:00.005-06:00

Thursday and Friday Karrea was running a fever. I asked her a few times if Daddy could say a prayer for her, she refused. She would take her medicine and that kept the coughing and fever to a minimum. Saturday she was feeling a lot better. I'm sure we have Chris to thank for this life lesson, uh um!

Saturday night I put the kids cards out on the table for Sunday morning. Karrea came into the bathroom and thanked me for the beautiful card and gum I got her. Shai and Justice thanked me too. I try and write a heartfelt letter to each of my kids. I got them a fruity gum too. I buy the spicy gum, and that is not always appreciated. Justice later that day came to talk to me laughing, he found the 10.00 in the pack of gum. He should have known! I tried to tell him to get a piece of gum before church, he just didn't get the hint.

Ron was fevering Saturday night. He didn't go to the Ward Valentine's day Dinner. The food was FABULOUS. Thank you Chef Bill Beins and all his helpers! The dessert were to die for (yes, I was in a sugar coma). The Scouts had a dessert auction. I was sitting at Wolfe's table and she bought a brownie sundae(her child made) , a symphony brownie (Sniders made) and our coconut pecan brownie. OH MY GOODNESS and then Roger shared Sis Kearneys cheesecake with them. GOOD STUFF!!

Sunday Ron slept all day. The kids and I enjoyed a wonderful Sunday full of the spirit of learning. Karrea gave the prayer in primary. The only one in her class that would talk in the microphone. She wouldn't do it last time. Sunday school was enlightening, and Despite what the RS teacher thinks, I know she did an excellent job. She thought she could hear crickets chirping, but I think she filled our hearts and minds full of things we really needed to go home and ponder about.

Sunday came and went. Was it really Valentine's day, the day for lovers or is it really what Shai likes to call HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY! I sure felt single. I wasn't the only one that didn't get a lovers present. Adrienne lucked out on the sad feelings too. Better luck next year!!

Monday Karrea found herself throwing a fit because she decided she didn't like Rice. I had bought the left overs from the Saturday dinner and put it together as a casserole. I wasn't home. I was picking up Kaleb and bidding a job. I guess Justice flew off the handle and was mean to Karrea. She cried for hours saying that she had an earache. I asked her if she wanted daddy to pray for her (give her a blessing) She totally refused, kicking and screaming, wailing and gnashing of teeth. It really surprised me. In her kicking she knocked over some things on the counter, so needless to say she got a swat. Funny thing.....she said after the swat the bad guy left her ear.

About an hour later she was crying again. I told her that her ear would get better if she took her medicine and if she got a blessing. NOPE, NO BLESSING.

Finally bedtime. We usually say prayer with her individually. I tried to get her to say it. NOPE STUBBORN. Finally I got snotty with her and told her She was being Rude to Jesus. She was going to have an ouchy ear until she asked Jesus to help her. I told her about the video's we watch where Jesus is healing the sick and the blind. She has to ASK. Finally she gave in. She asked Jesus to heal her ear! SHE SLEPT GOOD THAT NIGHT!

That was a good gift, a 4 year old hopefully remembering a great life lesson!

My birthday

2010-02-08T21:52:00.002-06:00

I have mixed emotions about my birthday. First the good news. A lot of friends on facebook said Happy Birthday, left funny messages! It was so good to see some familiar faces say HI.

Adrienne and Chris came back friday night around 9:00 pm. We stayed up and chatted a bit. Ron and I had a job at 8:00 o clock in the morning so we got up around 6:00, showered and headed off. It was a good morning. All went well. 5 hours of work. Got done around 1:00. We had some chex mix in the van, so we snacked on that and Ron bought me a mcdouble hamburger for lunch.

Got home around 3:00 and hung out with the kids dancing and singing to the Band Hero. We had left overs for supper. Chris spoke at a baptism. That was nice of him. I didn't know there was one.

The kids were so excited for me to have cake and open presents I kept putting them off. Wait til Chris gets home. Wait til dad gets in here. Ron never did come in. He was outside for 3 hours. So we had a party without him. He was testing a stupid battery that was deemed dead! LET THE THING DIE.........UGH, haha!

So strawberry shortcakes. YUMMY and my first present was a scrap book that Shai and Adrienne and Justice and Karrea put together. They had love notes in there too.

Then I got a 3 disc 80's Jam set. YAY!

Then I got the new Susan BOYLE CD.............I screamed and cried! I couldn't believe it. I only said i wanted it once.

My kids were so good to me.

I was so happy that Chris and Adrienne came back or I would have been forgotten again!

You would think the man I have been married to for 22 years would do something.......anything...........I mean, I did help him at his job that morning! He claims he did something for me.......he took me to lunch. Thanks HUN!

I know I shouldn't put a price on LOVE so why do I do that???

Anyway........Thanks KIDS I LOVE YOU! Thank you Friends who wished me happy birthday. It means a lot to me! You love me, you really love me! LOL

For my birthday....tell me a story about you and I

2010-02-04T18:15:00.002-06:00

You could share how you met me. Some of the fun things we have done.

Another year older, am I wiser?

2010-02-04T18:01:00.002-06:00

The time is fast approaching for me to renew my DMV photo. Which I did a week or so ago, but just got it in the mail yesterday. Its pretty good this time. Took me 42 years to finally have a nice photo. HHAAHAAA. That is really funny to me.

I would hope to think I am wiser. I didn't think I could get any nicer, or kinder, but I did. I didn't think I could go another extra mile, but I have. I didn't think I could forgive someone more that 79x7, but I have. I didn't think I would be able to feel the spirit around some people, but I do. I didn't think I could find one more ounce of patience with a couple of people, but I found it!

I didn't know an old dog could learn new tricks, but I have. I didn't know I would have the strength to start dieting again, but its a journey I'm willing to travel. I didn't know I would find the time to work out, but the time is in the morning.

I didn't know I could get funnier, but I find myself laughing in the mirror everyday! God sure has a sense of humor! I'm glad I found mine too! Or I would cry!

I'm grateful that God gives me another day to become better than I was the day before, and I have given him MY WILL do so. I have proven to be pretty stupid and so why would I dismiss the greatest PILOT ever! I am so grateful the Heavenly Father is MY BEST FRIEND!!! He has NEVER let me down. I will Never find anything to criticize him for. He loves/loved me no matter what. and I am special because of it.

That right there is the greatest birthday gift EVER!!!! love and acceptance, forgiveness, grace and mercy.

Funky Town

2010-01-26T12:27:00.002-06:00

It has been funky town around here! It's like a dark cloud. I think its that lack of Jobs Ron has. One or two a week isn't cutting the bills. We are used to 3 or 4 a day. Money coming in. All the money is doing now is going out! It is usually pretty slow at this time, but this year seems especially challenging. It is affecting all of us.

We had a really good Christmas. Maybe that was our problem, we handed out more money than we should of. We were so proud of the kids all they did this year with School, Friends, Chores, etc that we just wanted to spoil them. I think we are paying the consequences.

I know what needs to be done to make more money, but I'm not the boss. I have to sit here and just twiddle my thumbs and try to give suggestions to one of the shyest men I have EVER KNOWN! It is so frustrating because I can talk to anyone. Random people come up and talk to me and tell me their whole life story, and I'll do the same if I'm not "casting pearls before swine". I tell Ron to get out there and hand out your business card. Gosh, Park the Heaven's Best Van in the parking lot for 8 hours. FREE ADVERTISING. LET KEARNEY KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE. (the van is broke down now and no garage to fix it)

When it rains it pours and then the old man snores. He was in bed until almost 11:00 am. I think depression is kicking in. I feel there is nothing I can do to fix it. It's not my fix. I know my bank account is in the negative and he owes me money. So we are all feeling it. I owe the kids allowance and so they are feeling it.

I am crossing my fingers that Obama hasn't totally messed up the economy so bad that us poor people will still get some what of a tax return.

I'm grateful that we were busy enough in the summer so that Ron had enough in savings to keep our noses right above sea level. It never fails, we always have this trial. I guess I passed on the Riches of the world. I still seek the riches of eternal blessings. I just hope Ron doesn't give up and he endures it well.

Come on JOBS!!!

Pretty nails

2010-01-22T10:48:00.003-06:00

I was playing the piano for choir practice on Wednesday and Emma came up to me and said.....PRETTY NAILS! I said thanks! I got them done at the mall! She was so excited for me.

I am hitting hard times money wise. I only watch three little ones now. I make about 54.00 with the boys and 60 with Josie. That doesn't make a car payment, buy groceries, make a bank payment, a credit card payment and my cell phone bill. With 5 phones, its pretty high! I have asked my girls to pay me for their phone bill but I have yet to see any money.

I have two lessons I think I'm supposed to learn. You say, why get the nails if you are broke?

Ron and I got an emergency phone call for some carpet cleaning. Paul was putting acid on his basement floor. He was wearing Black socks. Those black socks "melted" all the way up 23 stairs, leaving a black residue. Rhe was a little on edge about the situation. You could tell she was trying to have humor in it, but really didn't want to have to re carpet all of her stairs, about 40 or more (so they would all match).

We drove to Hastings (46miles) and tried everything to get the black up. The chemicals we had were not budging the residue. I got this brilliant idea to just cut the tip of the fibers, then Ron used some chemical and got the rest of the residue. Needless to say it took me an hour to cut every black fiber I could cut. By the end of the adventure I could NOT feel the tip of my thumb. It was weird. After two weeks it was frustrating, now its been over a month. I'm just resigned to having a prickly, tingly feeling in my thumb. Let me tell you, I did NOT like it when I had to play for the choir the following Sunday. It bothered me. It was all I could do to concentrate on the piece I was playing and the beautiful voices that was trying to bring the spirit into the Christmas program.

It doesn't take much for me to get distracted while playing the piano. Its quite annoying. People say I'm a great site reader, but my main problem is my attention span. I do pretty good for maybe 2 verses and then after that I'm wondering what is for lunch, or what is so and so saying cuz I hear whispering, or MY THUMB IS BUGGING ME!

I reflect on my friend who has MS. I asked her that question, if times are tough money wise, why do you have pretty nails. She told me that the nails keeps you from feeling the ends of your fingers, they are really sensitive to touch. Hmm, that makes sense. So Now I truly truly understand that concept. It's only one finger, so I feel blessed its not all fingers, but man, it is annoying! I try and exercise it, pull it, massage it, NOTHING!

The second lesson is.......we "afford" what we "think" we need to "afford". I have a sweet daughter that says she is broke, but finds her self at a higher class restaurant on Friday nights. You spend your money where you think it is the right place to spend it.

I have never been one with money. In fact, I get a little money and I give it away. It is so strange. I got some heart money years ago and I went out and bought gift cards for some of the ward members for a secret Santa gift. I send money in the mail to friends in need all the time. I'm not trying to toot my horn, but that is just what I do. It's like I'm allergic to money. I should have got myself some braces with that money instead it went for my family and really nice van. What is God trying to tell me?

Now that I am barely making my payments, my debt is up to my eyeballs, and what is God telling me?

I read the Visiting Teaching message. It hit me. Self Reliance. You take care of YOU and your Family, and then puts you in a better position to help others. I was doing it opposite! I will do better. I hope that I can live how God needs me to live. And that means MONEY WISE.

(I also feel very weird when people give me money. I don't like that kind of "debt" either. I'd rather give. haha)

God, I don't mind earning my money!

Thank you for all that I have, and will have! I'm grateful for the testimony of tithing.

The windows have NOT yet opened, but I'm still hoping they will soon! LOL

Foggy

2010-01-19T14:27:00.002-06:00

Its foggy and cold and a little icy in places, but all is well in the Matson home. Karrea has been staying in her Jammie's all day. I ask her to change but she loves her new Jammie's.

One of my old daycare buddies, Kaleb, came and visited me yesterday. He has glasses now. I Karrea asked him...why do you have glasses now and he says in a serious voice "cuz i have 2 astigmatism's" Too funny! All grown up! I told him Dylan was here this weekend and he missed Kaleb...Kaleb says......"I chose to do something else this weekend" Oh snap! "I'm a big kid now!" kept running through my head.

Ron didn't have any jobs today so I got up and ran some errands. OH NO.....the dreaded MUG SHOT on the ole drivers license. It was painless. The lady at the DMV even commented I took a good picture! Who knew it would take 42 years to finally be happy with the DMV photo/info. I would still like to weigh what I put down on my mug shot. Someday!

I handed in my time card for babysitting. I can't help but feel sad for some of the "girls" that are in line for Welfare services. I am blessed. Some of these girls are in Shai's class. Sophomore! Wow. What a trying time for them. What really really makes me sad...........I saw it coming. I knew in 5th grade who would end up in the DHHS office.

I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives. I have never professed that I was perfect or my children (or husband) but what I do know is that we have had the opportunity to receive the true message. We are blessed with the knowledge. What we do with that knowledge us strictly up to the individual after 8 years old.

It is hard as a parent to watch your kids make silly, head shaking decisions. It is also a relief to know It is NOT on my shoulders. It is for their learning experience. A lot of the things I learned I learned from watching others suffer through their mistakes. There were a few I learned the hard way too. I am okay with that. I am okay with having my kids learn the hard way too, as long as it doesn't cost me any money, haha! ( I don't have any)

I just got done reading the article in the January Ensign...Hold on a little longer. What a great challenge given to all of us. I would like God to have confidence in me I will endure to the end. I have been given a lot of challenges in life. I Love the Lord, and all that he gives me. (which isn't much, and from what I read in the scriptures, that is how you should like it)

Last night we kind of had a scare. Ron called around 2:30 saying he was done and dropping off the bill to Catholic Services there in Hastings. He asked me if it was foggy in Kearney. No, it was sunny and nice. I expected him home around 4:00.....NO SHOW. 4:30 I start calling his cell phone. NO Answer. 5:30, no answer, 6:00 no answer, 6:30 no answer. I looked at Karrea and I said.....Will you ask Jesus where your daddy is? She looked up at the Jesus picture right above her head..........JESUS....WHERE IS MY DADDY? She laughed.......Oh he is going slow mom, he doesn't want his pads to freeze! (too funny) I said. Okay, I just didn't know if he was in a car accident or not. She said....."what happens in a car accident" I said....well, in weather like this most people die! She said......"OH NO.........if that happens we won't have a daddy!" AAAWWW

I was just about to go and look for him when I got a phone call. "Sorry, my phone was in the van and I was at Dale's Shop looking at the motor home they want us to clean. He wants to sell it to me so he was showing me everything about it. man, he can talk your ear off!" Those who know Ron, he is a man of few words....to strangers. To me......Um, I won't go there!

I was angry with him. 'Its about time' attitude. Then I softened when I shared what Karrea had experienced in prayer.

I'm so grateful for the direct line to our Heavenly Father. He loves each of us! He knows our name. He knows our hearts and our attitudes. He will guide us EACH....if we but desire, and be obedient. What a great blessing! I love my children. I can only imagine how much he loves us. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!

I'm so glad that with this MIST around us..fog...I can still see the light!

Thankfulness

2010-01-18T09:25:00.003-06:00

I love to see the temple, I'm going there someday (soon). I love to feel the spirit, I love to be "de-stressed" I love to just be loved and needed at the temple. I love the companionship that I have on the ride to and from. I have always felt very blessed to be able to drive 4 or less hours to a temple. I had just been feeling like it was time to go again when I asked my friend Rhonda if she was up for the "challenge" I mean, lets face it. Trying to find a babysitter, cleaning out the car, putting gas in it now-a-days is a chore in its self......it takes me all week of babysitting the two little boys for me to fill the tank. If that doesn't show God your "consecration".

I usually go to the temple with a quest in mind. A problem to solve. A solution needing to be met. This time (I have done this a few other times too) I sat in the beautiful peaceful room and said.......hmmmmmm what do I need?

I opened up the scriptures and read a page or two. It reminded me of all the blessings I have. I sense of overwhelming gratitude filled my heart, mind, and soul. I sat there with my head bowed and tears in my eyes and said a prayer to God thanking him for everything I have. Everything I will have. Everything that I learn and grow from. I was over come. I just wanted to let God know that I know.

After the temple we went to Olive Garden for lunch. Rhonda and I were one of the last people to exit the 12 o'clock session so it was almost 3:00 pm. We were talking so much I lost my exit and found a different way to get to Olive Garden YAY. I think I like that way better anyway. Less traffic stops. We met up with Chris and Adrienne and had a great meal and enlightening conversation.

After a filling day we traveled in the "mist of darkness". It was so foggy you could hardly see a half a mile or so ahead of you. I didn't let it bother me too much. I know Heavenly Father was watching over us.

We filled up on gas in Lincoln and went to the Dollar Tree. Found a few Valentine's day treats for Shai to hand out to her friends. (She likes to do that). We headed home. All the water we drank at Olive Garden caught up with us by the Grand Island Exit so we headed to Grandma Max's truck stop. I always find myself there. Rhonda met up with some family there. How Fun. We got a bag of snacks and headed home. It was a quick trip home. Too quick almost, we had a few more world problems to solve. (lol)

I don't know if I have been home before 9:00 pm on a temple day. It was kind of nice. The family said prayer and I headed to bed while the kids played Wii.

Sunday was filled with the spirit. The sacrament speakers all spoke to my heart. It is kind of nice sitting there thinking....I am blessed and I'm glad I am doing what they are suggesting. Sunday school is always a blessing. I just love the teacher and all the spirit she brings. Relief Society was about Lightening our Burdens. I am so grateful I know how to do that too. "God, what would you have me learn from this Lesson?" and then Listen and Obey.

Today is a Monday and its bright and sunny out. What a blessing! Here is to a great week!

Grates 2

2010-01-09T23:25:00.005-06:00

Not a whole lot going on today. I think I finally crawled out of bed around 11:30 am. I was awakened by mini chocolate chip pancakes with honey cinnamon syrup. Thank you ADVANCE FOOD CLASS and Shai. It was cold in my room and I was cozy under my down comforter so I popped in a movie. Beverly Hills Chihauhau. Cute movie! I was in the mood for something LIGHT. Last night we watched Race to Witch Mountain, a little cheesy, but good!

After I got up and started moving I gave Karrea a bath and gave my stinky self a shower.

I played the piano a bit, was asked this Am to see if I would Play for RS. Good thing I love Pam C. I usually don't like being called last minute to play the piano. It makes me nervous. Who am I kidding, I'm always nervous! UGH

I played a few games on the computer and then we decided to use our gift cards for subway. We were the only ones there when in the middle of our LARGE order a drive through customer came through. I told her she could wait on our sandwiches and get drive through, we were in NO HURRY. We got up to buy our footlongs and kids meal and she said it was all on the house. She gave us chips, drink and cookie too. Wow! She said she appreciate us waiting and that we came in all the time and we were always so nice to her! That made my day. I AM NICE. (if I could just convince my kids. Some one told me that doesn't happen until they have kids of their own, then I'm the smartest person ever!)

Today I start my Gratitude journal with:

1. I'm grateful that I am kind

2. I am grateful for my sense of humor, sometimes dry, sometimes annoying, but most of the time I make people laugh, or think

3. I am grateful for oranges

4. apples

5. Popcorn

6. Wholesome movies

7. Car with great gas mileage (and no mouse)

8. I am grateful that I have a piano so I can practice when I get called

9. I am grateful that I can window shop....that 20.00 in my pocket didn't leave a burn mark! YAY

10. I am grateful that Justice stayed home, cuz I forgot Tate was coming over...eek!

11. I am grateful for My Savior that loves me the way I am

12. I am grateful for spiritual guidance.

13. I am grateful that I have made so many friends because of the callings I have had in this church.

14. I am grateful that I am loved by at least ONE Being. GOD. He has Always loved me!

15. I am grateful that I have lots of blankets to snuggle with

16. I am grateful that I have hand lotion

17. I am grateful for water to drink

18. I am grateful for Little Caesers ice cream

19. I am grateful for HEALTH

20. I am grateful that I forgive EVERY DAY

21. I am grateful I am forgiven every day

22. I am grateful for my computer game ZUMA

23. I am grateful for the game OMAR

24. I am grateful for this Blog

25. I am grateful for our customer Ruthie that loves us, needs us and wants us to move to Hastings!

Got a phone call today from Ruthie. She buys properties and manages them. She really needs Ron and I to help her. She trusts us and she even said she loved us! (she is a great spiritual person who just lost her husband to pancrease cancer). She is buying a couple of houses that she would rent to us so we can finally move to hastings. I haven't had the heart to tell her Ron bought Kearney too. (he owns 8 counties now) I can't tell her how much she means to me. To take her time and call us.

I go to the Kearney ward and I just don't belong. I get asked to play the piano here and there, or fill in nursery, or play for a baptism but that is it. I have been in the RS pres. for about 6 months until the pres got called into the stake, I've been in the YW presidency until the Pres had a baby and got called into primary. Now I'm Family History Director. What the heck is that? I can't forget Ward Choir Pianist! (I'm cursed to look stupid in front of 100+ people whooo hoo) I was born to teach. I was born to be a secretary! HAH I was born to be more than THIS!

OH..........back to where I was......I'm just grateful that Ruthie sees that I have worth! that means a lot to me!

Grates

2010-01-08T09:34:00.005-06:00

Last year on facebook someone started listing 3 things they were grateful for in their status updates so I started doing the same. I have kept a gratitude journal for years now. It is a blessing. I am on a list that has us take 10 minutes and write something from the prompt she sends us. This year she wants us to write 5 things we are grateful for (they can not repeat at all) and then pick ONE to write about. It has been a great start to a new chili (okay, down right freezing) year.

I'm also on another list that we share our lessons in life. One of the writers wrote over 100 things she was grateful for. You have to dig deep, and no repeats. I found myself grateful for the things she was grateful and didn't even think of some of them she said, like hot chocolate with whipped topping. NOW THAT SOUNDS GOOD RIGHT NOW. I sat at McDonalds yesterday because Karrea wanted nuggets and fries, and I see all this advertisement for FRAPPE, or MOCHA JOKA something or other. It gave us a chance to discuss with Karrea about Coffee and the effects it has on your tummy, and when little girls like "abby" drink they bounce off the walls. (she sneaks grandmas)

I'm going to start today by listing 25 things I am grateful for and hopefully next few times I get on the blog I'll list 25 more until I have over 100. (with the daycare I only have a few minutes of clear thinking, typing time, haha)

1. WARM FUZZY ROBES
2. New Undies from UTAH
3. My Friend Rhonda who is going to Omaha with me SOON!!
4. Elaine who is taking good care of my oldest Adrienne
5. Chris who is also taking good care of Adrienne
6. Shai who is an amazing writer. She let me read a story she had to write for Lit and even JD was in tears.
7. Justice, who for some reason, has been helping me out......(must be the 12 year old power, haha)
8. Karrea who is just simply cute, amazing, smart, cheerful, funny, and bossy! (who is also asking me when Adrienne was going to come back)
9. Ron who is still sleeping! UM, its almost 10 am.
10. Microwaves that warm up left over potato soup
11. Healthy Choice soups
12. Daycare kids that LOVE IT here! (and I love them)
13. Great self help CD's (The Platinum Marriage by Dr Elia Gourgouris, Ph. D)
14. My computer
15. All of my HomeHeartstrings sisters. I didn't have a sister growing up (all my internet sisters)
16. My friend Kim. She listens and she talks
17. My friend Liz, who we can not talk for months and when we do we still finish each others thoughts and sentences.
18. My car. I had someone offer me 15, 000.00 for it. UM........call me in a week when my car payment is due. haha
19. NEW TOYS
20. Omaha, the temple. I can't wait to walk in and do some work for my family
21. Coke Zero for some reason it helps me focus
22. New dishes
23. New recipes
24. New Beginnings
25. New perspective on the scriptures (been awhile since I read the new testament. LOVE IT)

2010 HOPES

2010-01-06T09:58:00.002-06:00

I have lots of hopes and dreams. Most of them are way above attaining, but that is okay! At least God knows I at least think of them. I started working on most of these last year, maybe even years and years......so I'm just typing them to keep them foremost on my mind and alive.

1. Family Scripture and Prayer are top of the list. We did really good until a certain teenager turned about 17. I wasn't brave enough to battle the "tude" so we quit. I am a single parent for the most part....Until this year. Ron has promised to be a better spiritual support. YAY

2. Family Home Evening was Family Home Argument. I had it in my mind it had to be perfect...everyone smiles and respect, it was never there 100% so we quit. It was more of a heartache, but this year is different and we have been doing really good about FHE since August 2009

3. The whole family has had the FRESHMAN 15 the past few months. Its very discouraging when you can't even get your stretchy pants on. We haven't really found the strength in doing better eating. I sat down Sunday and went through the recipe books and I have done good so far.
Monday smothered burritos, Tuesday was potato soup, Wednesday is cutlets in the crockpot with mushroom gravy (diced tomatoes and green chilis too). It will last a few recipes. I may freeze a casserole or two. (Our friends donated some deer meat to us, and so we are going to be brave and EAT IT!) Thursday is baked enchiladas. Friday is chicken chiliquiles. Saturday is tuna sandwiches. Sunday is smothered veggie burgers and baked potatoes or fries and salad.

4. I am giving myself a 20 allowance a week and the rest is going in the bank. I am so over my head in debt I hate myself. I can do this! Ron has taken over most of the groceries, which is where I am usually over my head in. We all expect certain things in the house, but at what cost. Now I have to ask if I can get this or that. We'll see how that pans out! It really is tough feeding a family of 5 plus all the daycare I have for under 375.00

5. I quit working out last spring when the daylight savings went into effect. I just couldn't get out of bed. I was always exhausted. Couldn't catch up on my sleep. I can feel it. Everything is saggy and I have no strength. I tell myself everyday to get up and take Shai to Seminary so I can walk the gym. I haven't done it yet! I started again in the fall but my friend quit bringing her kids to seminary and it just wasn't the same. I was going to just for ladies but I don't feel comfortable there. They have hired a few lesbians. Things in the locker room came up missing a few times too. I have a membership there, it is just waiting for my signature. I'm so confused. Maybe I expect too much from an establishment.

6. I really want to be where Heavenly Father NEEDS me to be and I don't need a "man" telling me where that is. I will vow again that I will go and do the things which the "Lord" has commanded. It's hard being in a calling (in my case NOT being in a calling) when you feel and know you should be somewhere else. I still feel like I'm not supposed to be in Kearney Nebraska but this economy has me STUCK here. How scary and frustrating! I don't want to just Survive, I want to thrive!

7. I want to be the best that I can be! That is always my goal! I want to continue to live my life where the spirit guides and directs me. That doesn't always make me the most popular, and I have NO friends that want to hang out with me! (haha) All I can do is what I do! Be who I know how to be. Be guided and directed.

Here is to a successful and hopeful 2010

January 2, 2010

2010-01-02T23:02:00.002-06:00

I have pondered over the past couple of weeks what I have to have happen this coming year.
2010. Wow, who knew I would even see this day. When I was in fifth grade I think we visualized us all in space ships in this year!

Let me reflect on 2009 first and then I'll see if I can make some resolutions.

1. I have met so many people in Heaven's Best Carpet Cleaning I feel very blessed to be able to talk with adults and have conversations. 19 years of daycare....I often wondered if I could have a conversation.......well, without Dude and Cool in it!

2. I have spent more hours in a van traveling with Ron then I knew I could handle. It has been fun. I was hating it for a small moments, but when I can't handle the traffic or the country music twang, I just get my ipod out and played bejeweled 2

3. I have taxied my kids around more this year. It has really burned my buns some nights, but I see that it makes them happy. And I survived the late night play practices, and the entertainment of Les Miserable was delightful.

4. I have seen Miss Karrea grow up so fast. I am overwhelmed by her honesty. I hope it lasts. She loves to play horses, and barbies, and puppies and she is just a really nice little girl (with a case of the snotties once in awhile...okay around 4-5 pm she is a bear!)

5. Justice has helped me more this year than before. I take that back. He used to be my little helper from 3-5 years old. Where ever I was, he was! It seems as if when he turned 12 a light came on, and Helping Hands came into motion.

6. I'm glad to see Adrienne so happy with Chris. I hope their relationship can be a good one! I hope they can weather all that God sees fit to give them. Its hard to believe that she is getting married, at such a young age......but God willing! It will work out!

7. I have fought for a few things this year. I'm still fighting, I'm still enduring. I'm still hoping I can beat this fight! I struggle with not being needed. (wanted, respected) I just have to have faith that I am in the place that I'm supposed to be. I can't force anything on anyone! I am hoping 2010 gives me some much needed answers! Some days I don't feel very brave!

8. I have missed a few things this year. I have missed a good girl friend talk. I have reached out to a few.....and the bucket was contributed to. I'm trying not to be scared. I know I intimidate people....so I've been told by several people! I struggle to know if God needs me to be who I am or do I need to change?

9. I have missed my family. Jerry used to call all the time, but he feels he is a burden. NOT TRUE! I had plans for Christmas but the weather kept us from going. We had plans for Thanksgiving but new baby kept us home. (Nancy was at the hospital) So we have rolled with the roller coaster ride. Trying to be the best, and do the best that we can do. I guess maybe God is testing to see if we will endure and endure it well.

10. I have missed Blogging and writing in my journal. It is my best friend! I enjoy reading others too. Its quite freeing!

Christmas.....vacation?

2010-01-02T22:52:00.002-06:00

This past few weeks has been a blur to me. I have felt like I was in another dimension? I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like I'm on the outside looking in. I am hoping things get back to normal this coming week, but like I said to the ladies at Jay's Baptism tonight....and we all agreed........what is normal?

It seems as though all I have done the past few weeks is spent money I didn't have, ate food I really didn't want to eat and play ZUMA and Bejeweled Blitz. Those things I have wanted to do, ahha! When I get done playing them, I feel a waste of time has just blown by.

I can't seem to get my groove back. My house looks okay, the fridge is full, the kids are healthy and strong, but I'm missing something. I miss being spiritually challenged and active. I miss spending hours up at night trying to get a project done for girls camp, or activity day girls. I miss preparing lessons that make me want to be a big girl in the eyes of God. I don't know what to do!

I have lost my mojo....whatever that means! Just sounds right.

I look over the years and what do I see? What do I miss? What did I gain? (15 pounds......)

I have enjoyed being home with the kids this vacation. We have rocked out to Band hero, and played Zuma and ate ourselves silly. We played OMAR at Ron's parents house last weekend and it was hilarious! I have never laughed so hard over there. Its about time! I have waited 21 years for a bond like that! I am almost nervous about what 2010 will bring, because 2009 just breezed on by! Like a dream. I need to reflect! I need to make plans! I need to become something more! Before its too late!

Christmas crept up on me!

2009-12-16T09:17:00.003-06:00

I got a call Monday from Adrienne telling me she has this weekend off from Kohl's and has to work the rest of the season. (except for Christmas day). I didn't have 2 weeks to get my buns in gear. We usually just do money. We find a clever place to put it and they find it. Its fun. But we usually get a few things for the stockings and of course, Karrea still gets presents instead of money. She is still at the age where she will trade you 5 dimes for 4 quarters. :D

Monday the cleaning jobs were in Sutton Nebraska. A clean little community almost 2 hours from our home. I felt Ron could do it on his own but late Sunday night I asked Mikayla if she would babysit. I worry about the travel time with Ron, he has a tendency to doze off a bit here and there, and it was about a month ago we hit that deer coming from Superior. Besides, taxes are cheaper in Hastings and maybe I can talk him into going to the Dollar Tree.

After Adrienne's over an hour phone call, we got some lunch and headed to Sutton. After cleaning one of our favorite customers home we headed to Dollar Tree, Subway and then to Walmart. Ron usually waits until Christmas Eve. I don't understand it, it bugs me, it bugs the kids, it bugs him. He frets over it. I'm like......HONEY, you know for a whole YEAR that Christmas is coming! haha! I try to keep an eye on different things throughout the year.

It was fun shopping. This is the first year Ron has had any money and I think he actually enjoyed himself. Now his knees didn't! I think this cold weather puts a stiffness on his knee joints.

Yesterday I wrapped most of the presents. I am not the greatest wrapper in the world. My Mother in Law, "bless her heart" will take HOURS to get every fold and tip perfect! I used to do that. I don't anymore. I'm lucky if I can have 4 minutes without someone pounding on the door, so I wrap in super speed and it looks like Karrea did it! YAY for me!

Karrea was so excited to open the office door and see presents piled high on Daddy's office chair and under my desk. She volunteered to place them gently (and orderly) under the Tree. I love seeing the gleam in her eye! It is truly precious! Where did my Gleam go? Where can I find it? Ron wasn't going to put up the Christmas tree this year. Its usually me that says that. I convinced him (actually I told Karrea to bat her eyelashes at dad and ask nicely) to put it up for at least the kids. Karrea decorated it. I told her not to get up on the arm of the couch to decorate the top but as soon as I turned my back or left the house......THUD, there was Karrea flat on her back looking up saying "I'm okay!"

The kids have really made this season worth every penny! This is the brokest I have ever been. It has been great seeing Ron step up and thrive on the gift giving. God is good to us! God will give us a lesson if we are willing to learn it and see it as such. I see Ron blossoming. (he would kill me if even put him and the word blossom in the same sentence. haha)

As I truly reflect on this season of gift giving and loving, the best gift Ron and I gave each other (besides the Montel smoothie maker, haha.....note to self, don't drink too many in a day) is the 5 hours we spent at the church on Saturday night talking to my Ex Best friend and her husband. My heart aches for her companionship most days. Yet I know God has had to do some magic in each of our lives for us to be who we are supposed to be. I find this quote below very appropriate for me, us this season.

It has been great seeing Adrienne, Shai, Justice, and Karrea, along with Ron and I "blossom" this year! May God Bless us all!
"Giving, not getting, brings to full bloom the Christmas spirit. Enemies are forgiven, friends remembered, and God obeyed. The spirit of Christmas illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world’s busy life and become more interested in people than things. To catch the real meaning of the “spirit of Christmas,” we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the “Spirit of Christ." --Thomas S. Monson, "The Best Christmas Ever", Liahona, Dec 2008, 2–6

Mosiah 3:5, 7–8
Joy to the World, #201

The weekend

2009-12-07T11:41:00.002-06:00

This past weekend went fairly well. Shai had districts in Grand Island for The Anatomy of Grey. They took 1st place. YAY! They are going to state. They host state, so we shall see. Go Mr. Shoemaker, and kids, haha! Justice, Karrea and I ran errands. We ate lunch at McDonalds because for some reason we like those darn cups! UGH! Ron was over at Grandma's house cleaning out the remaining stuff. Mom closes on it the 21 of Dec. Gary decided to sign the papers but refuses to pay back taxes and repairs. Once again, Nancy gets the short end of the stick. What is new!?

After lunch my little man (almost a man) bucked up and got his working hands on and helped me clean the house. It sparkled after we were done. Sunday we all trash it so today I started over and Ron vacuumed while I did everything else. Good thing I like to clean. haha! Nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum, I always say! haha!

We have the missionaries over for supper. Looks like there are still 5 of them here. Plus Kelsi and Tony may venture over. I am hoping to help Doug and Abby with their carpets tonight too. Its very exciting for them to finally have a house of their own! YAY for you guys! If anyone is interested we are taking donations so we can move into our first house too, haha!

The spaghetti sauce is simmering and the house is clean and I hear the shovel out on the deck from Ron. I hope we are safe if we get this big snow storm everyone is worried about! Everyone have toilet paper and water? haha!

Have a great FHE night! (we had ours last night about repentance. It was good Moroni 8:25-28)

Good thing

2009-12-05T10:05:00.003-06:00

Monday was a good day because the rest of the week was a challenge. After hearing about Stacie's passing (we were not close friends, we are just similar souls, sometimes you just feel that when you meet someone) I have been on a roller coaster of emotions.

I found out some news about Ron wednesday night and I have been in turmoil of how to handle it. I also was called to do something else in the church and I have been totally depressed. I am so much more willing to serve. I get tired of hearing "there are so many who have more than one calling we are all stretched to the limit" or We need to pray for people to move in so they can serve". I sit here playing tittliwinks. God, I'm not complaining. I am just wondering if someone is listening or not listening. I will have faith that God will speak louder to those who need to know, even if its me!

I visited my brothers Roger and Lyle yesterday after the funeral in Grand Island. I was there for 3 hours. I loved it, I needed it! It was nice to hear both of them speak so highly of me. Roger said to me......"Wow Sis, you really are a beautiful woman for 41" (I think those were his words). I told him about my calling and my feelings and he said....."You belong in the stake. You are spiritual, willing to serve, you love the Lord. When you walked in my house the spirit filled this room" Wow....thanks Rog!!! That is a lot coming from someone who is struggling with 'stuff' right now. Lyle gave me a pep talk about Adrienne. It was just a real blessing being there with family. I have been so detached from everyone its not even funny.

I was listening to Sheri Dews talk on CD FAMOUS LAST WORDS. What a blessing that was. Satan is raging, we all know that. The person he is attacking the most are the Women. You make a woman feel lonely and depressed and the whole family suffers. What Satan doesn't know is that if Woman who are feeling lonely and depressed cry unto the Lord they are healed, and guided to be better women! I have felt that this week. I don't want to be a woman that comes to the Lord in only trials, I do pray and read my scriptures every night. I have been trying to grow with the 21 days closer to Christ. I was slacking, but answers were given Thursday night when I started up again. Its like I wasn't really "slacking" it was just the Lord knew it wasn't time for me to recieve answers yet. The Lord is good to me!

He has his own timing. I have to keep telling myself that, it goes for the two things I'm wavering with right now. Timing, I just have to know where to be, and what to say and be a better example.

God is Good to me!

December 2

2009-12-02T09:04:00.003-06:00

The Sun is shining in many ways today. I actually got a good nights rest. What does that mean? It means I was not interupted, I didn't have stupid bizaare, cougar dreams, and I woke up in a good mood, for the most part. I was awake 10 minutes before I was "supposed" to wake up too. That to me is a great start.

Instead of sitting in the mothers lounge at church waiting and listening to the seminary students I went to the gym and walked. I read Emily Watts new book, When exercise is the answer (or something like that). What a great insightful, LIGHT book to read for 45 minutes as I got dizzy walking around and around the 3/4 gym.

I took Shai to school since its cold, she doesn't have a coat and Jerom parks 3 miles from the door. Got home, showered, got paid from Ron. (I started charging him 10.00 an hour for the hours that I work. Makes my account not in the red so much, and makes him LOVE me. haha)

It feels like a better day. I hope its a better day. I sure felt the prayers of friends and loved ones as I struggled to come to grips with Cancer and Mortality. I think what scares me (not really) is that about 12 years ago I was thinking I was in the clear with breast cancer. NO family history of cancer. Ring Ring. Just thought I would tell you your grandma is undergoing radiation for breast cancer. She should be fine. RING RING! This time my "Ma" was calling. I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Her first surgery the left breast was totally removed and scraped to the bone. Next surgery, went into the lymph nodes. Next she needed a blood platelet transplant, than a hip replaced, the last news I got whilie I was at a LDS Family Services Seminar in St. Louis is its gone into her liver. I remember hugging her for a very long time! My Step dad Jerry said to me, I think this will be the last time you see her!

3 weeks later, my step dad calls......Shanon, She's gone! My ma, whom I was just getting to love and know is gone!

The real trial some days is living. I turned forty in 2008. I signed up for Women Matter so I could get a mamogram. I finally got brave and set a date and time. The day of the test came and in the shower I froze. I couldn't do it! The thought of "finding" something stopped me from going to the appointment. I'm not scared of the testing. I'm scared of the NEWS. See, I don't have health care. We lost it when Ron lost his Coleman Powermate job. If I have Cancer, I'll never be insurable. So I sit here and wait until I can find healthcare. Until Ron will pay for health care.

I'm not in the clear like I was 12 years ago. 10 years ago my MA lost her battle with the terrible disease, and the legacy may live on with me or my children. With NO health care.

November flew by

2009-12-01T12:53:00.003-06:00

I don't even know where November went. I don't even recall any lasting impressions I had from November. Life lessons? Hmmmm.

I really enjoyed working for Ron. His back went out the second week of November. Adrienne came down for a few weeks to work and build up some money and really have some feelings swell, mostly against us! Hhahaa!! The circle of life! gotta love it! Chris came down to pick her up and I suggested to Ron that he invite Chris to help him. That didn't go over to well. Ron went by himself. Guess what? He bent over and BAM out went his back. The last three weeks have been heck for him. I made him work by himself the rest of the week. We didn't have a babysitter, Adrienne went back to Omaha. She had a job at Kohl's and she missed her honey. She doesn't miss us. I don't blame her. Its boring here!

Ron was really hurting so I worked for him for a few days by myself. I really enjoyed it. The third week we had a babysitter. They were life savers! and Back savers! Thank you Shai and Mikayla!

Today I am babysitting. Yesterday I did pretty good by myself. Got some paper work done, a little organizing done, and some games played. Haha! Last night around 9 or so I saw that a sister in the Stake passed away from Breast Cancer. It truly brings back memories of when my "birth" mother died. It has been almost 10 years and I still can smell her perfume. Tears flow! Stacie left behind 6 wonderful children. The oldest just getting off of his mission and in college. Erik being on his mission. Leanna is the oldest daughter. I can't imagine being the "momma" at this time. I don't even know how old the youngest is, maybe 8? My heart and prayers go out to the Spencer family at this time! Sis. Bergen is right, God has an angel there. Heaven will be fun again! I'm so jealous! She is still beautiful to me! I miss you to Ma! Everywhere I turn wonderful moms are flying to heaven, and I'm sitting here jealous! What is up with that?

Random thoughts in October

2009-10-27T14:36:00.003-05:00

The first part of the month of October was very busy for Heaven's Best Carpet Cleaning. I was helping Ron Every day. My house looked it too. My babysitter was great with the children and I didn't expect her to keep up on the house too. Its enough work with a three year old, and 18 month old and a 5 month old. She did wonderful! I miss her! Since she has started school I have had to be home. Leaving Ron to go out in the dark and dreary world alone!

I have seen him grow. I have seen him too exhausted I try really hard not to feel guilty. I love to go with him. I love the people, I love the work, I love to be busy. He is doing so much better. I am very proud of him. There were a few days I would feel impressed to call and just say. I LOVE YOU.....YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN DO THIS. In return he would say.......What are you smoking? LOL!!! I know, blew myself away. I'm not used to being that AWARE of him!

Our Relief Society lesson about a month ago was Joseph Smith telling us to greet our spouses with Love and affection. They do NOT need our harshness too. The World gives it to them... and plenty of it! Ron is very blessed he works in a business that people LOVE YOU! They NEED you and best of all.......They PAY YOU! LOL!

This past weekend I attended my 5th Time Out For Women. I drove to Kansas City with Pam Carlson, Liz Kofoed, Ann Beins, Lori Carlson. I loved it! The drive went super fast. Only the last half our of our trip home I started to feel tired. I came home and crashed. Sorry Ron, LOL!

There are so many highlights I could talk about. I loved the sisterhood we had in the vehicle. The talk, the testimonies, and the spirit. The laughter. The only thing I truly missed was my bestest buddy coming. Stacy called and said her whole house was sick and couldn't attend. I hope she felt our love for her.

We got a great suprise. We were sad that Sheri Dew couldn't attend but John Bytheway wore her name tag with pride. He is so funny. More so in person because we got to see his expressions.

I didn't fall asleep during S. Michael Wilcox this time. I am so glad! They learned not to put him after lunch. LOL!!! The bestest speaker for me was Kris Belcher. Yes......like a burp! She said her brother used to burp on her answering machine! LOL!! She had us crying because we were laughing so hard and crying because of the spirit that was felt. I am so grateful for her! We went up to her afterwards to get our picture taken (she is blind due to tumors) and she asked me if I had any jokes, and I told her she stole all my jokes. Lori took our picture with my camera and then I asked if we could take one with Pams camera and she said no problem then I asked her if the Flash bothered her. She laughed........she told me that was a good one and that she was going to use that next time! I know I was blind after that flash! LOL!!

Life was good this weekend. I was flying high all the way. I had so much love and energy when I got home (well after a good nights sleep and a nap on Sunday).

I got my whole house cleaned and laundry done on Monday that today I was bored and just played games all day! I have some time to blog. That is amazing!

Adrienne and Chris are coming for a visit this weekend. We are all going to Shai's Play at the High School Les Miserable. Then we are going to Celebrate Karrea's 4th birthday. Her birthday is not until the 7th of November, but its a way to get Adrienne home. haha! Shhh don't tell her!

Adrienne got engaged a few weeks ago. Now we have a wedding to get ready for. I hope all goes well, and anyone that has some helping advice, I'm open to receive it!

Life is good. I have a Coke Zero in one hand and sick kids in another, but this too shall pass. So far I have not yet received it. I'm hoping they choose not to share this time! ha